Love: Today, my school is having homecoming. I'm taking a date who... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my school is having homecoming. I'm taking a date who I really like, and she happens to have fairly large boobs. I have a friend who seems to think I have an obsession with boobs, so I texted her last night reading "btw, no big boob jokes tomorrow." I accidentally sent it to my date. FML

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adamas117 tells us more :

OP here. it was late when i sent the text, and wasnt really focusing on what i was doing. because the text was about my date, i was thinking about her, and subconciously went to her name instead of my friend's. its all good though. i explained the situation to her, and she understood.

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Walk on the wild side

Our house, in the middle of our street

By - United States - Rockville Centre

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I finished hauling all of my possessions from another state, because I was supposed to move in with my girlfriend. I was just waiting to find a job. Almost as soon as my stuff was delivered, she broke up with me and told me to figure out getting it all back by myself. FML

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By John_Elvis - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I took a girl to a sushi restaurant for our first date. She insisted she's had sushi before, but I had to watch her struggle with the chopsticks for a few minutes before mercifully asking the waitress for a fork. She then ate a fork full of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I think there won't be a second date. FML

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By fuckbio - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter for my Bio final at 8AM and drinking 6 sodas, 3 energy drinks, and coffee throughout the night, an hour into the exam, I had to go to the restroom, so I get permission and go. I'm 1 of 3 people. They later find a cheat sheet in the restroom. Now I'm a suspect. FML

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By Elle - United States

Today, my therapist told me to write down my secrets in an envelope and symbolically burn them. My secrets included stories of my rampant sex life, drug use, a suicide attempt, and the overpowering hatred I have for my family. I've managed to misplace the envelope somewhere back home. FML

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By mcginnismr

Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife changed her facebook status from "married" to "widowed". I'm scared. FML

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By help - Malta - Naxxar

Today, I finally got a restraining order against my violent ex. My mom now keeps finding ways to tell me how shitty I am for breaking the "poor boy's" heart and how I didn't deserve him anyway. FML

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By Moondoggie_ggk69 - United States

Today, I was washing my hair in the shower when the water went ice cold. It's 20 degrees outside and we have soft water which takes a longer time to wash away soap. FML

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By oh dear - France

Today, my daughter threw a can of hairspray into the fireplace because she saw someone do it on YouTube. FML

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By he fucking smells like death! - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was told what a bitch I am for turning down “the nice guy” after he surprised me with flowers and a hand painted portrait. He conveniently left out the part where he texted me multiple creepy porn links, doesn’t brush his teeth and has the personal hygiene of a farm animal! FML

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By AreYouSerious

Today, after working 85 hours in a single week, I finally got my paycheck. $500. Apparently I got a pay cut without anyone telling me. FML

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By newyorkers - United States - New York

Today, getting off a bus, it was pouring rain so I got my umbrella out. A man elbowed me in the gut and grabbed it. When I told my mom about it she said, "That's New York, get over it." FML

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By awkardtaco

Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Sundbyberg

Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML

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By lizzie - United States

Today, I was going to a talent show. On the way there, my car broke down, I lost my keys and managed to slam my hand in a window. I got there and waited in the theater for an hour before a janitor came by and said, "Show is tomorrow, lady." FML

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By Username - United States

Today, the guy at Subway asked if I wanted to make my sandwich a footlong. I'm not sure what came over me, but before I realized what I was saying, I'd told him that I couldn't handle 12 inches. FML

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By reckless - Canada

Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Jacinto

Today, it's garbage day. My mom accidentally threw away a receipt she needed to return something and told me to go get it. While I was looking for it, a cop gave me hell for "stealing recyclables on private property." This all happened in my front lawn. FML

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By heather - Canada

Today, I told my husband that I was going to get a swimsuit from the Victoria's Secret catalog. He replied, "Are you going to get the body to go with it?" FML

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By Lemonhead - United States

Today, I was riding my bike back to my house. Suddenly I was hit by something in the head. I looked down to see a lemon on the ground and looked up to see a guy yelling at me in a car that was passing. He was yelling at me because I got in the way of the house he was throwing it at. FML

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By Casino - United States

Today, I bitched out my grandmother, who lives with my family, for being lazy and laying in bed until 6-7pm for the past month. When I was done, she told me she had been diagnosed with cancer and was depressed because of it. Nobody had bothered to tell me. FML

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By confusedmofo - Indonesia

Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML

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By Jessie - United States

Today, I got stuck listening to my coworker bang on about how sexy her fiancé is for almost an hour. She told me about their sex life, described his dick in great detail, and showed me pictures of him shirtless. My coworker is 49; her fiancé is 56 and overweight. FML

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By wrongplacewrongtime - United States - San Antonio

Today, l took my new boyfriend to the place where my ex and I used to hook up, only to find out that my ex and his new girl had the same idea. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Raleigh

Today, I caught a coworker at my new job staring at my chest. Trying not to rock the boat, I took him aside and asked him to stop. He insisted he was just trying to read my shirt. Our company uniforms don't have writing on them. FML

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By msarosi - Canada - Port Perry

Today, I popped a pimple while stopped at a red light. When I looked over the woman in the car next to me was laughing, and had her camera phone out. FML

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By Da Boss - Canada - Calgary

Today, my coworker and I agreed to come clean and tell our fellow employees that we have been secretly dating for a while. Before we could, I received a promotion. I am now his boss. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting in Walmart and I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with "You know I'm a guy right?" FML

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By life_isnt_fair - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me and dumped me. Thirty minutes later he called asking for me back. When I asked why, he said "The other girl dumped me." FML

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By BadLuck - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, four days before Christmas, I discovered a rash on my daughter's shoulder. The doctor took one look and said, "It's chicken pox. Merry Christmas." FML

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By julia - United States - Downers Grove

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

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By dumbass - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her. After about three hours, I text her phone, asking if she found it yet. I got a reply, saying "Nope." FML

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By bthms - France

Today, I was standing in a queue when an old lady turned, looked straight at me, and asked me to hold her bag. Confused, I took a hold of it. She started screaming for help claiming I was stealing her shopping. Turns out, she was talking to her husband behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Windsor

Today, I saw my girlfriend walking hand-in-hand down the street with another man. When I confronted her, she claimed she had no idea who I was, and the guy told me to beat it. Later on, she returned to our apartment and actually tried to act as if nothing had happened. FML

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By Carnage23 - Germany - Herborn

Today, I was on a long roadtrip with my son. My son said he has to pee to which I answered he had to wait till I can stop the car. He started counting backwards from 10. I couldn't stop in time. FML

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By Oh-Shit! - United States

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

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By ChoirGuy - United States

Today, I sang at a retirement home with my school choir. Afterward we went to speak to the old people, just to get to know them a little. The first woman I shake hands with ask "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML

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By lonely

Today, my boyfriend blocked me from every form of contact. He told my friend that we broke up, but never told me. I still have his clothes in my house. FML

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By fifthtimesacharm

Today, it's hot and sunny, and a customer asked me how I was, I responded by saying "It's a hot sunny day. Who doesn't love the sun?" He responded by telling me he had just had three melanomas cut out. I guess I did find someone who doesn't like the sun. FML

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Top comments

By Monado | 0

#574482 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:14

Well I guess there are going to be three big boobs at that dance.

By adamas117 | 0

#576602 - Sunday 20 September 2009 19:26

OP here. it was late when i sent the text, and wasnt really focusing on what i was doing. because the text was about my date, i was thinking about her, and subconciously went to her name instead of my friend's. its all good though. i explained the situation to her, and she understood.

COMMENTS

By playnejayne | 0

#574474 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:12

thats your own fault!!

Reply

godsrightnutsack | 0

#574518 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:29

haha.
that shoulda been easy to play off right?

Reply

dude_stfu | 0

#574635 - Saturday 19 September 2009 21:26

lol.. that's awkward when you see her.

Reply

chipmunk95 | 0

#574719 - Saturday 19 September 2009 22:23

PICS OR IT DIDNT HAPPEN

Reply

Xuphra | 0

#947648 - Monday 15 March 2010 0:26

Priceless.

Reply

TheFunnyzach | 3

#3983025 - Thursday 2 February 2012 20:20

Yeah, he he was a nimrod.

Reply

AFloppyWetWhale | 6

#4952801 - Thursday 20 September 2012 12:37

14 - what I always do whenever that happens is tell them my friend took my phone, then write "jsnxksns" to imply that we're fighting over it. It works :)

By 100lol | 0

#574481 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:14

There's a lot of wrong- texting FMLs for the past months.

Reply

No_Heart | 0

#575307 - Sunday 20 September 2009 3:14

Why do people find it so hard?

Reply

kashman95 | 1

#1026334 - Thursday 10 June 2010 16:30

what's wrong with big boobs a lot

Reply

Blacksabbath211 | 9

#1131968 - Saturday 24 July 2010 6:40

at op: ydi for calling them "boobs". wat r u, a girl or seven years old?

By Monado | 0

#574482 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:14

Well I guess there are going to be three big boobs at that dance.

Reply

Witchcraft_fml | 4

#574489 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:17

Win.

Reply

sublime93 | 0

#574493 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:17

+1

Reply

sanjizzle99 | 0

#574511 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:27

lol owned

Reply

TJStarzZ | 8

#575647 - Sunday 20 September 2009 6:52

Lolwinburn!

But seriously, how stupid do you have to be to mistext someone? I mean, go to your Contacts, scroll down, select, then text. Either people need to learn to read, or America's next generation is doomed. D:

Reply

PandaPandaPandaX | 0

#575790 - Sunday 20 September 2009 8:44

I was talking about a guy (he was leaving school early and i was telling my friend) and I accidentally sent it to the guy. We laughed it off and got over it. It happens.

Reply

assiram317 | 0

#967115 - Wednesday 24 March 2010 3:42

hahahaha I get it

Reply

hilobude | 0

#2368855 - Monday 18 April 2011 23:04

p

By heyyimkell | 2

#574483 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:15

HAHAHA OH DAMN.
YDI though. Don't you look at the name before you text someone?
Hopefully she'll laugh it off when you explain it to her, and she's not one of those girls who find that stuff offensive.
Good luck, OP.

By Exiro2 | 0

#574484 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:15

This is why you first choose WHO you text, and then actually text that person.

By ithedarkone | 0

#574485 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:15

Lol its cool dude play it off bro... WOW don't panic off the message come up with a quick white lie... Jeez whats with you people and these little mistakes you say something that's not even a big deal and ready to confess everything. I would hate to see you in a interrogation. lol DID YOU DO IT! YOU: yes i did it i did it i can show how i did it where i did it what time i did it who i did it with whats her name phone number blood time social security number... lmfao

Reply

sublime93 | 0

#574504 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:23

That was weird

Reply

silentlinguist | 0

#576158 - Sunday 20 September 2009 15:35

"blood time"??

Reply

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5854773 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 10:53

7:30 AM positive.

By chellinha93 | 0

#574496 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:19

just pray she takes it as a little joke or something LOL

By laurr_rawrs | 0

#574498 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:20

you deserve it for being stupid & not reading. it's not that complicated.
and your life deff isn't that fucked bc of a text accident.

By RatIsKing | 0

#574524 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:32

lol at #12 XD

By WetDream_fml | 0

#574529 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:35

Big deal?