Love: Today, my school is having homecoming. I'm taking a date who... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my school is having homecoming. I'm taking a date who I really like, and she happens to have fairly large boobs. I have a friend who seems to think I have an obsession with boobs, so I texted her last night reading "btw, no big boob jokes tomorrow." I accidentally sent it to my date. FML

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adamas117 tells us more :

OP here. it was late when i sent the text, and wasnt really focusing on what i was doing. because the text was about my date, i was thinking about her, and subconciously went to her name instead of my friend's. its all good though. i explained the situation to her, and she understood.

Doomed

Boom, headshot

That'll be Kevin in accounting

By birthdayfail

Today, it's my birthday. At my workplace, we always get a cake for whoever's birthday it is. They somehow forgot about me. I've been working there for a year, and my grandparents and my dad own the restaurant I work at. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Camberwell

Today, the man who tried to mug me sent me a friend request on Facebook. FML

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By anonymous - Canada

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend in the dark, he grabbed onto a fat roll and asked, "Is this your stomach or boob?" I didn't have the heart to tell him it was a back roll. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend did the washing as an attempt to help me. Not only are all my clothes now pink, he refuses to do the dishes, vacuuming, bathroom, ironing etc., as he has done "plenty." FML

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By lee - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over breakfast. In the afternoon I got to smile at him prettily for hours because he was the photographer in a session neither of us could get out of. FML

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By Rhyno - United States

Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML

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By verysadasian - United States

Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Whitecourt

Today, a man walked into the bank I work at and asked what he would need in order to open an account. I had to look him in the eyes with a straight face, say, "Two pieces of identification," and ask him to put some pants on. FML

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By anony - New Zealand - East Tamaki

Today, my boyfriend's mum begged me to stay with my boyfriend because she says I'm the only one who can actually get him through college and into a decent job. FML

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By ip7 - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, I was sitting in a library when a cute boy approached me, so I grabbed the nearest book. When he asked me what I was reading, I said I was revising for an English test. He laughed and pointed out that my book was in French. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML

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By apparentlynotengaged - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my fiancé won't tell people we're engaged because his mother doesn't approve, and he doesn't want to upset her. FML

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By Bishop

Today, a man on the bus questioned my sexuality for being a male nurse. I asked him what he did and he said he worked in a garage. When I pointed out that I work with sexy nurses all day and he works with sweaty guys, he punched me in the stomach. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend to try and man up and act a bit tougher. He started crying. FML

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By CashChamp20 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got a necklace from one of her guy friends. She loves it. It's a heart shaped necklace. She doesn't see a problem. FML

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By gross - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, after giving a potential employee a drug test and instructing her to leave her urine sample in the bathroom, she not only brought it into the office, she spilled it on the front desk. FML

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By wtfiswrongwithher - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife has a YouTube channel dedicated to 20 second videos of her wearing a fake mustache and making weird sounds. FML

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By Galaxy - Belgium - Guigoven

Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML

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By Nancy

Today, I sat on an elevator for 10 minutes thinking I was stuck. After waiting awhile I looked at the screen to see what floor I was stuck on, only to realize I hadn't pressed a button so I had just stayed on the ground floor. FML

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By cat.imakittycat. - New Zealand - New Plymouth

Today, I was outside with my two new kittens. A woman came rushing over, saying how glad she was that they were outside. She then started complaining that she had only been able to see them through the windows previously. I have no idea who she is or where she lives. FML

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By treehugger - Singapore - Singapore

Today, since I was grounded, I tried to sneak out of my room to attend a party by climbing out the second-storey window and down the tree. I was unharmed, but I probably should have checked to see if my dad was in the garden before climbing down. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I called my mom from Australia. I have been abroad for two months and hadn't talked to her in a long time. A few minutes into the conversation my moms stops me and says this call must cost a fortune and hangs up on me. A few bucks in more important to her then me. FML

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By Anonymous

Tonight, on Asshole Bosses…

Today, I went to pick up my last paycheck, since I was fired last week. My boss said he wasn't going to give it to me. I told him it's illegal not to, and he told me with a shit-eating grin, "What are you gonna do? Arrest me?" FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a parent came into my class and told one of my 6 year old students that their grandma died. Then the parent left. The kid started crying from the news, which then got all the other students crying. I spent the rest of the day comforting a class of kids crying over someone else's grandma. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML

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By anon - United States

Quickshot

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

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By BrilsmurfO_O - Netherlands

Today, I was at IKEA with my parents. I walked away from them and later I heard the speaker of the store call my name asking me to come to the playground because my mom and dad were worried. I'm 18. FML

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By ANON - United States - Littleton

Today, I went straight from work to a blind date, and I decided to change in my car at the parking lot. Someone pulled up next to me as I had my ass to the window. It was my date. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - University Park

Today, I was walking around my college campus when someone asked me if I had gotten separated from my tour group. He didn't believe me when I said I was a student there. This happens all the time. FML

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By movingout - Australia - Ringwood

Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2020 14:01

Drunken antics

Today, I found out that last night, when I drank a bit too much and blacked out, I freaked out about "losing my tampon in my vagina" and made my boyfriend fish through to look for it. I had already taken it out before then, and was too drunk to realize. He told me he almost called 911. FML

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By La Guigne - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML

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By hannibal - Australia

Today, I heard a loud-speaker announcement in my college that someone had left their car in the car park, still running, with keys in the ignition. I laughed at that person's foolishness until I realised it was mine. FML

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By ...

Today, my girlfriend told me that her parents have a bet going on when we are going to break up. FML

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By kylie

Today, I’m trying to be healthy. My friends suggested I keep junk food out of the house so I don’t crave it. Yeah, that didn’t work. My car wouldn’t start so I actually made the four-mile walk to the nearest grocery store to get junk food. FML

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By FMLimsomad - United States

Today, I looked outside and I saw that my new car had been snowed on. Sadly the snow had frozen onto the car, so I spent the entire day getting it off. I came inside. By 8pm, my car had snow all over it again, and this time I left the window open. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my mom doesn't know my phone number, but she does know the names of both of David Hasselhoff's daughters. FML

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By Blueberry - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was showering at my dorm. I had my clothes locked in a locker and my towel and robe hanging outside the stall. Someone took off with my towel and robe, which had my keys. I had to walk down three flights of stairs to get an extra key in nothing but a plastic shower curtain. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me if I didn't follow her latest fad of becoming a goth, which involves dressing like an undertaker's haunted hearse and putting on eyeliner. Last week she was into Reggae and beanie hats. FML

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By Pill popping zit monster

Today, my period has given to me 4 giant zits, 3 screaming shits, 2 stomach ulcers, and a fever blister on my lips. A few days until Christmas and the gifts keep coming. FML

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Top comments

By Monado | 0

#574482 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:14

Well I guess there are going to be three big boobs at that dance.

By adamas117 | 0

#576602 - Sunday 20 September 2009 19:26

OP here. it was late when i sent the text, and wasnt really focusing on what i was doing. because the text was about my date, i was thinking about her, and subconciously went to her name instead of my friend's. its all good though. i explained the situation to her, and she understood.

COMMENTS

By playnejayne | 0

#574474 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:12

thats your own fault!!

Reply

godsrightnutsack | 0

#574518 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:29

haha.
that shoulda been easy to play off right?

Reply

dude_stfu | 0

#574635 - Saturday 19 September 2009 21:26

lol.. that's awkward when you see her.

Reply

chipmunk95 | 0

#574719 - Saturday 19 September 2009 22:23

PICS OR IT DIDNT HAPPEN

Reply

Xuphra | 0

#947648 - Monday 15 March 2010 0:26

Priceless.

Reply

TheFunnyzach | 3

#3983025 - Thursday 2 February 2012 20:20

Yeah, he he was a nimrod.

Reply

AFloppyWetWhale | 6

#4952801 - Thursday 20 September 2012 12:37

14 - what I always do whenever that happens is tell them my friend took my phone, then write "jsnxksns" to imply that we're fighting over it. It works :)

By 100lol | 0

#574481 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:14

There's a lot of wrong- texting FMLs for the past months.

Reply

No_Heart | 0

#575307 - Sunday 20 September 2009 3:14

Why do people find it so hard?

Reply

kashman95 | 1

#1026334 - Thursday 10 June 2010 16:30

what's wrong with big boobs a lot

Reply

Blacksabbath211 | 9

#1131968 - Saturday 24 July 2010 6:40

at op: ydi for calling them "boobs". wat r u, a girl or seven years old?

By Monado | 0

#574482 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:14

Well I guess there are going to be three big boobs at that dance.

Reply

Witchcraft_fml | 4

#574489 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:17

Win.

Reply

sublime93 | 0

#574493 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:17

+1

Reply

sanjizzle99 | 0

#574511 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:27

lol owned

Reply

TJStarzZ | 8

#575647 - Sunday 20 September 2009 6:52

Lolwinburn!

But seriously, how stupid do you have to be to mistext someone? I mean, go to your Contacts, scroll down, select, then text. Either people need to learn to read, or America's next generation is doomed. D:

Reply

PandaPandaPandaX | 0

#575790 - Sunday 20 September 2009 8:44

I was talking about a guy (he was leaving school early and i was telling my friend) and I accidentally sent it to the guy. We laughed it off and got over it. It happens.

Reply

assiram317 | 0

#967115 - Wednesday 24 March 2010 3:42

hahahaha I get it

Reply

hilobude | 0

#2368855 - Monday 18 April 2011 23:04

p

By heyyimkell | 2

#574483 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:15

HAHAHA OH DAMN.
YDI though. Don't you look at the name before you text someone?
Hopefully she'll laugh it off when you explain it to her, and she's not one of those girls who find that stuff offensive.
Good luck, OP.

By Exiro2 | 0

#574484 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:15

This is why you first choose WHO you text, and then actually text that person.

By ithedarkone | 0

#574485 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:15

Lol its cool dude play it off bro... WOW don't panic off the message come up with a quick white lie... Jeez whats with you people and these little mistakes you say something that's not even a big deal and ready to confess everything. I would hate to see you in a interrogation. lol DID YOU DO IT! YOU: yes i did it i did it i can show how i did it where i did it what time i did it who i did it with whats her name phone number blood time social security number... lmfao

Reply

sublime93 | 0

#574504 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:23

That was weird

Reply

silentlinguist | 0

#576158 - Sunday 20 September 2009 15:35

"blood time"??

Reply

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5854773 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 10:53

7:30 AM positive.

By chellinha93 | 0

#574496 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:19

just pray she takes it as a little joke or something LOL

By laurr_rawrs | 0

#574498 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:20

you deserve it for being stupid & not reading. it's not that complicated.
and your life deff isn't that fucked bc of a text accident.

By RatIsKing | 0

#574524 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:32

lol at #12 XD

By WetDream_fml | 0

#574529 - Saturday 19 September 2009 20:35

Big deal?