Today, it was my birthday dinner with my family. Everyone was... - FML

By Singleton - 2/1/2010 00:33 - Canada

Today, it was my birthday dinner with my family. Everyone was making an effort to avoid a certain topic. Later my 5 year old cousin gives me a nice hand drawn card of me and my boyfriend. Apparently no one had the heart to tell her my boyfriend had broken up with me on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32998

You deserved it

2822

Tweet

Share

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Who's a good boy?

Yappy neighborhood

By collegestudent - 20/9/2019 02:01

Alexa, play "What's My Age Again?" by Blink182

Today, my dad asked me if I needed crayons for school. I'm going to college this fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1245

You deserved it

183

Tweet

Share

By FANZZY - 18/8/2014 16:29 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35151

You deserved it

16179

Tweet

Share

By buymeadrank - 30/4/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, is my long-anticipated 21st birthday! Today also happens to be the first day of my period. I've spent the whole morning in the fetal position with agonizing cramps, reduced to tears and whimpering while the painkiller refuses to kick in. Happy birthday! Love, my uterus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

95414

You deserved it

9258

Tweet

Share

By Beestings - 24/3/2013 05:14 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my husband about a busty but vapid celebrity, and he replied, "She doesn't need brains, honey, she has boobs. You wouldn't understand." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37336

You deserved it

6502

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/8/2014 17:39 - Canada - Barrie

Today, on my first day at as a photo editor at a print store, I had to spend over an hour editing a full shoot of a fat man eating a baguette in a bathtub, closeups included. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39391

You deserved it

3785

Tweet

Share

By jack s.b. - 14/11/2013 22:15 - United States - Austin

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I jack off "real weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51842

You deserved it

16346

Tweet

Share

By violetbcracecar - 14/12/2016 03:48 - United States - Suisun City

Today, for the first time in my life, I have lice. The dog we rescued infested our house. No amount of showering has made me feel clean, and my bald husband just doesn't understand why I'm so bothered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8482

You deserved it

916

Tweet

Share

By sarskii - 16/8/2010 23:01 - United States

Today, my mother found out that I'm sexually active. She wants me to tell my father. I'm seventeen, and my father still has trouble grasping the fact that I carry a purse, because it means I'm "growing up." This should be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36744

You deserved it

19459

Tweet

Share

By worried - 16/8/2011 13:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17642

You deserved it

55076

Tweet

Share

By GuitarChick42 - 4/4/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks

319826

You deserved it

22817

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/4/2013 03:16 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I had to explain to a friend that the show writers for Glee did not write "Bohemian Rhapsody" and that Freddie Mercury did not steal the song from them. We're both 17 years old, and she reacted by kicking a chair at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48076

You deserved it

3419

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/6/2016 19:26 - Belgium - Overijse

Today, a friend pointed out to me that my girlfriend of 5 years looks a bit like my mom. She does, and I can't get it out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12768

You deserved it

1189

Tweet

Share

By FML - 2/10/2015 21:45 - United States - Oak Lawn

Today, I took my boyfriend to dinner to meet my parents. He agreed to be on his best behavior, but when my mom told us about some shady stuff going on at her job, he replied that it sounded "fishier than Justin Bieber's cunt." We were quickly kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23409

You deserved it

4198

Tweet

Share

By cjk004 - 15/2/2009 11:35 - United States

Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46637

You deserved it

6578

Tweet

Share

By ToiletProblems - 6/2/2019 07:00 - United States - Northbrook

Today, I decided to use the disabled toilet in work to get a little extra privacy while I did my business. The cleaners who unlocked the door from the outside and barged in on me were nice and waited until I finished to apologize and explain there were complaints the door had been locked for days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1992

You deserved it

428

Tweet

Share

By lonelygirl - 14/2/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me on a romantic weekend away at a hotel. What is he doing now? On his computer looking up stuff on Craigslist while I am watching t.v. alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25547

You deserved it

3363

Tweet

Share

By WOW - 13/7/2013 20:40 - Kenya

Today, my driving instructor failed me on my test, because I forgot to turn the air conditioning off after parking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66019

You deserved it

5850

Tweet

Share

By Lazy - 20/9/2009 12:03 - Australia

Today, I was at work and was trying to cheer up my stressed out manager by chatting. We were on the subject of sleeping in when I told her that I loved to be lazy and sleep in when I could. She looked up and down me and then answered, "I can see that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31660

You deserved it

10079

Tweet

Share

By still learning - 26/2/2012 17:42 - Canada

Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25907

You deserved it

7888

Tweet

Share

By technodont - 11/5/2015 14:37 - United States

Today, my rental car had an automatic rear hatch. That sounded helpful until I used it and it emptied $60 in just-purchased groceries for the week on the parking lot pavement. The jars and jugs weren't ready for the leap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26190

You deserved it

4290

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 00:47 - United States - Pensacola

Today, my parents searched my younger sister's phone because she had been acting suspiciously. I asked my mom if she was going to search mine too. She laughed and said, "Sweetie, your phone is probably even duller than mine!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

23706

You deserved it

2819

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/1/2011 20:28 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car which was sticking out in the road and practically unavoidable. I left a note on the windshield saying, "You deserved to get hit - you park like an asshole." Later I realized that the paper I tore to write on was the back of my bank statement, name and address included. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9470

You deserved it

79505

Tweet

Share

By Beeh - 24/12/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, I shared the story of my younger brother's unexpected death with a friend. After telling him the story, I looked at him with teary eyes and he looked back into my eyes and said "I understand how you feel. That is almost as bad as when I lost my cat last spring term." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35737

You deserved it

3384

Tweet

Share

By Shibs - 13/10/2015 16:55 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I was riding my bike along a road and a deer jumped out from the tree line, knocking me to the ground and breaking my arm. Someone pulled over to see if I was alright, running over my bike in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26220

You deserved it

1754

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 00:01

Pick your moments, dude!

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1691

You deserved it

287

Tweet

Share

By Username - 18/10/2010 15:52 - France

Today, I was woken by the news that my car had been found, but was completely destroyed due to a fire. I didn't even know my car was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32073

You deserved it

2904

Tweet

Share

By Hahaha - 29/1/2009 15:19 - United States

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy the Plan B pill. The pharmacist recognized me and said, "Really? Again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

11655

You deserved it

40057

Tweet

Share

By pinpin - 13/11/2008 11:39 - France

Today, I helped my son do his maths homework. He got a C and won’t talk to me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33458

You deserved it

18039

Tweet

Share

By bookbroke - 26/4/2016 04:27 - Canada - Regina

Today, I found out that someone found my lost library card, and instead of returning it, took out multiple items. If they don't return them, I'm on the hook to paying over $100 for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13905

You deserved it

1372

Tweet

Share

By wolfpacking - 2/2/2010 05:51 - France

Today, I was in the car with my friends. A techno song came on and we started fist pumping. We hit a bump, I fist pumped myself in the face, and crashed into a stop sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13101

You deserved it

53813

Tweet

Share

By 86145 - 16/8/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, my friends were all sharing sweet things their boyfriends had shared with them. After hearing "he says I look pretty without makeup" or "he promises we'll get married one day", I realized that the only compliment he's given me is that my laughter "sounds like a squirrel having a seizure." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33500

You deserved it

5563

Tweet

Share

By CP slave - 11/9/2019 06:02 - United States

Entitled

Today, a man yelled at me for what seemed like an eternity when I told him his child wasn't tall enough to ride a roller coaster. His daughter was about 3 years-old. The coaster is the second tallest in the world. I deal with morons like this every day, at minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1474

You deserved it

97

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 02:51 - United States

Today, while cuddling, my boyfriend excused himself to get a napkin. When he came back, he nervously admitted he'd got a booger in my hair. He then couldn't get it completely out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28495

You deserved it

2717

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 27/11/2014 03:33 - United States - Butler

Today, I thought I'd lost the ring that my boyfriend had given me, in the snow, in the dark. I spent a half hour with a flashlight searching every part of my driveway. The ring was on my kitchen windowsill the whole time. I took it off earlier to do dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30540

You deserved it

7679

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/4/2011 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, a guy who annoys me walked over. To avoid speaking to him, I pretended to be on the phone and he walked away. A few moments later, my phone rang. I looked around to see if he'd seen me. He had. He was the one ringing me from down the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11554

You deserved it

39789

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/11/2013 05:17 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I went on what I thought was a date. After a wonderful night with a perfect gentleman, he told me how excited he is that he's moving in with his girlfriend next week, and thanked me for reassuring him that he doesn't want anyone but her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55177

You deserved it

3896

Tweet

Share

By janae - 6/8/2018 23:30

Today, I discovered that I am pregnant. I questioned my boyfriend and he admitted to not using a condom because he thought we were just doing "practice sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2801

You deserved it

1636

Tweet

Share

By blinkanimgone - 1/9/2010 11:08 - Australia

Today, I went to the blood bank to donate plasma. All went well until the machine went to return my red blood cells. It turns out the nurse sliced my vein and the blood built up in my tissues. I now have a massive swollen arm and bruising, and look like a junkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32297

You deserved it

2622

Tweet

Share

By RingofFire - 3/6/2016 23:23 - United States - Edenville

Today, I was standing on the patio when one of my upstairs neighbors threw a cigarette butt over the balcony. It landed on my head and burned some of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14144

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1729

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/11/2015 22:50 - United States

Today, on my way back to work after lunch, my airbags deployed at a stop sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23770

You deserved it

1654

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By cozcat | 0

#750176 - Saturday 2 January 2010 9:40

Boyfriend: jerk.
Cousin: a little sweetie.

By jamie_leeann23 | 0

#750204 - Saturday 2 January 2010 9:53

awww thts cute now email it to ur ex and say: see you bastard look what you've done breaking my little cousins heart. he'll feel bad. they all do. ;)

Comments

By Starchild21 | 3

#750150 - Saturday 2 January 2010 9:31

=( That's terrible. But then again I don't think she would be able to understand.

_____________________________
www.myspace.com/rapid99

Reply

rjrudman | 0

#750447 - Saturday 2 January 2010 13:11

Op.. how exactly is this an FML? He broke up with you ON THE DAY. You do realize 1) she probably drew it beforehand, and 2) There wasn't enough time to even tell her, let alone make her understand? Quit being a whiny little bitch and get over yourself. Fuck me.

Reply

time4coffee | 3

#750455 - Saturday 2 January 2010 13:18

Your family was making an effort NOT to bring this up, being nice - and a 5 yo gave you a hand drawn birthday card. You should be grateful for this not complaining.

Reply

Reyo | 2

#751653 - Sunday 3 January 2010 2:11

You should beat the crap out of your 5 year old cousin since that's the ONLY logical answer to this obviously life ending situation.

Reply

Ace118 | 0

#752049 - Sunday 3 January 2010 5:55

The point is not that she's mad at the 5 year old. The point is that she was broken up with ON HER BIRTHDAY.

Reply

abcnonamecba | 0

#1035813 - Saturday 19 June 2010 11:17

why is EVERYONE. usIng RanDom CaPS

By yasmeenjonasx3 | 0

#750170 - Saturday 2 January 2010 9:38

Aw. Sowee, what a douche monkey. I feel your pain. 

Reply

jannie22 | 0

#2575820 - Saturday 28 May 2011 0:45

I'd have to beat the fuck outta my ex if I were you

By dacman48 | 0

#750172 - Saturday 2 January 2010 9:39

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

whatwasthatnoise | 0

#750192 - Saturday 2 January 2010 9:47

well arnt you just a lovely person

Reply

zaphilia | 0

#750866 - Saturday 2 January 2010 18:58

What's "ingrateful" mean? The FML of this is the fact that the card reminded the OP of the fact that her boyfriend just broke up with her on her birthday. If he hadn't have done that, then I'm sure she would've loved the card.

Reply

fightingkittens | 39

#1664129 - Monday 8 November 2010 3:58

Wow........you're nice. You actually think she's blaming her little cousin for what happened? THE POINT IS THAT HER BOYFRIEND BROKE UP WITH HER ON HER BIRTHDAY, JERK.

Reply

wintamint101 | 7

#3104612 - Sunday 14 August 2011 4:16

you jealousss?

Reply

wintamint101 | 7

#3104614 - Sunday 14 August 2011 4:16

you jealousss?

Reply

lunaforever21 | 14

#7563191 - Sunday 12 November 2017 13:19

the amount of spelling errors in your comment makes me assume you need to go back to school

By cozcat | 0

#750176 - Saturday 2 January 2010 9:40

Boyfriend: jerk.
Cousin: a little sweetie.

Reply

xxfamousgrl218xx | 0

#751942 - Sunday 3 January 2010 4:53

Agreed :)

By Thornod | 0

#750188 - Saturday 2 January 2010 9:45

..

By Cowman3340 | 0

#750191 - Saturday 2 January 2010 9:46

slut

By jamie_leeann23 | 0

#750204 - Saturday 2 January 2010 9:53

awww thts cute now email it to ur ex and say: see you bastard look what you've done breaking my little cousins heart. he'll feel bad. they all do. ;)

Reply

polico_wolf | 0

#750535 - Saturday 2 January 2010 14:42

I wouldnt

Reply

effyoubitch | 5

#3536607 - Thursday 3 November 2011 16:27

My little girl would give you a "stupid stamp"

By inmora | 0

#750205 - Saturday 2 January 2010 9:54

if it was me, I would be thankful, a five year old stop and thought about you and drew you a picture

Reply

ambear26 | 14

#4769446 - Friday 3 August 2012 22:08

I don't think that's the point of the FML ..

By singer4life666 | 0

#750219 - Saturday 2 January 2010 10:00

Be happy you have a sweet little cousin!

By iranoutofnames | 6

#750221 - Saturday 2 January 2010 10:01

so you broke up. u ganna blame her? blow it off she's fine and misinformed. no fml other than the breakup itself...

Reply

shinrawr | 0

#2854746 - Saturday 9 July 2011 9:12

that IS the FML dude