Love: Today, it was my birthday dinner with my family. Everyone was... - FML

By Singleton - 02/01/2010 00:33 - Canada

Today, it was my birthday dinner with my family. Everyone was making an effort to avoid a certain topic. Later my 5 year old cousin gives me a nice hand drawn card of me and my boyfriend. Apparently no one had the heart to tell her my boyfriend had broken up with me on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 069

You deserved it 2 834

You tried

Another great day to be alive

Good kid

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 508

You deserved it 10 502

By Anonymous - 04/08/2015 13:31 - Canada - Orangeville

Today, while trying to quit my horrible job at a pizza place, I got so nervous that I accidentally offered to work double my usual hours for another month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 758

You deserved it 15 872

By Sadfaic - 23/01/2012 02:59 - United States

Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 524

You deserved it 2 123

By fmlfmlfml - 02/06/2009 18:03 - United States

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 794

You deserved it 251 509

By Confused Clipboard - 19/10/2016 14:41 - United States

Today, my math teacher explained his concern for how "clipboard" should be pronounced similar to "cupboard." I thought he was crazy. I then later found myself saying it the new way to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 245

You deserved it 1 518

By Anonymous - 13/05/2017 12:00

Today, a guy told me I was hot and that I should give him a chance. When I told him I was straight, he instantly called me a bigot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 473

You deserved it 380

By Random - 25/02/2016 22:09 - United States - Tuskegee

Today, my dad walked into my school and joked around saying that he's going to shoot my boyfriend. We all laughed. Except my boyfriend. He was sobbing in a corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 181

You deserved it 4 462

Move on, dude

By Sabrina - 03/09/2019 04:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, looking on the internet, I came across my ex's Facebook page. Most of the posts were about me, and his profile picture was still of me and him. We broke up over a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 619

You deserved it 182

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 14:49 - United States

Today, my girlfriend whom I'm crazy about broke up with me out of the blue. After pleading with her unsuccessfully, I called my mom for comfort and advice. She informed me that my dog had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 591

You deserved it 3 154

By anon - 25/09/2014 05:48 - United States - Germantown

Today, I have learned a lot of "big" words from reading so much, but can actually only pronounce about half of them correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 840

You deserved it 6 778

By Just_Me_88 - 14/02/2012 06:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently, the mafia is out to get him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 239

You deserved it 3 210

By FML - 10/12/2011 23:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend forced me to climb out through his window, because he was too embarrassed at the thought of his room-mate finding out I'd spent the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 734

You deserved it 5 468

Who's that?

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 05:01

Today, after waking up beside my girlfriend to get ready to go to work, I leaned down to kiss her while she was still asleep, and she said, "Have a good day Jake." My name starts with a J, but it's not Jake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 95

By anon - 31/12/2012 18:13 - United States - Gilroy

Today, my boyfriend knocked into me with his car. I drove myself to the hospital because he couldn't stop laughing long enough to drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 163

You deserved it 3 126

By dwhitehouse - 21/01/2011 21:50 - United States

Today, I went out to my car only to find my battery had died the night before. With the wind chill, it was -20°F outside. With the hood open, and jumper cables in one hand, I tried to flag down a passing motorist for help. A man in a truck slowed down, sarcastically waved at me, and kept driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 072

You deserved it 2 981

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 381

You deserved it 66 286

By Toolmaker - 23/08/2018 15:00

Today, we got the bill from our lawyer. She'd recommended taking my common-law wife's ex-husband to court for child support, so we went to court and won. The judge awarded us over $8300! The bill came to $18,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 841

You deserved it 639

By NoSleep - 26/09/2009 14:30 - United States

Today, I had my first day off in weeks. I was excited about getting to sleep in, until my boss called me at 6:30 in the morning to remind me I didn't have to come into work. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 749

You deserved it 3 246

By elena02 - 21/11/2015 19:45 - United States - Wayne

Today, my house is so cold that I chipped a tooth from chattering so hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 364

You deserved it 2 930

By idontevencareanymore - 23/05/2014 21:25 - United States - Jarrell

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 087

You deserved it 4 663

By FenRackety - 10/05/2013 12:37 - Canada

Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 643

You deserved it 5 754

By Anonymous - 11/11/2012 10:26 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, after finally falling asleep, my boyfriend woke me up and got extremely mad at me. My offense? My pillow was touching his side of the bed. After yelling at me, he's now sleeping on the couch, and I'm lying in bed wide awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 447

You deserved it 3 107

By eringoBRA - 06/05/2011 14:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked out of my house, waved at my neighbors, walked through my front yard and into the side yard to turn off the sprinkler. It wasn't until I was back into the house that I remembered I wasn't wearing a top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 149

You deserved it 52 727

By AD240Z - 16/12/2016 11:39

Today, while walking my dog in the darkness, I bent down to pick up his poop. I screamed like a little girl as his morning turd leapt up my arm, covering my hand and jacket sleeve in soggy poop. My dog had curled one out onto a dozing frog. I skipped breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 520

You deserved it 623

By rybread - 01/03/2010 00:34 - United States

Today, I was on a crowded el train listening to my iPod touch. As I stepped off the train, my headphones got caught on a man's jacket and my iPod fell on the floor. The doors shut. I then watched the train pull away. With my iPod on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 148

You deserved it 4 168

By PharmSlave - 01/05/2015 06:12 - United States - Marysville

Today, my boss told me I ask too many questions and that's why they cut my hours in half. Officially, I'm a "Pharmacy Technician in Training", which means I'm trying to teach myself how to do the job without killing someone. All from on the job experience and an outdated textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 967

You deserved it 2 579

By Anonymous - 30/06/2012 09:45

Spicy

Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 210

You deserved it 5 649

Pay up!

By Anonymous - 10/09/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, while driving on the tollway my car overheated and died a few yards from the toll booth. I then had to wait, crying, in my smoking car for a patrol guy while cars moved around me. He had to push me through the toll and the lady in the booth said she felt sorry for me but still took my $3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 356

You deserved it 5 108

By fuck YOLO - 03/04/2013 05:20 - United States - Ramona

Today, my cousin is visiting from Oklahoma. He can't go a minute without saying "YOLO" or "Swag". He's going to be here for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 271

You deserved it 3 906

By Elgrin - 17/06/2016 18:03 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I woke up to something crawling on my leg. Thinking it might be a spider, I jumped out frantically to check. The good news: it's not a spider. The bad news: it's a bedbug. My apartment was just treated for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 807

You deserved it 1 412

Rationalization

By Anonymous - 28/04/2021 02:00

Today, I'm getting divorced because I found out that my husband of 17 years cheated on me when I was pregnant, all 3 times. He also had a year-long relationship with another woman, but, "it doesn't count because she knew I wasn't going to leave you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 89

By Dandy - 23/12/2016 17:25

Today, after having given up video games for two weeks to focus on school, I finished my last exam of the semester and finally became free. I got home to find that Steam is down worldwide. I just received an email saying every game on my wish list is on sale, but I can't log in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 190

You deserved it 790

More reasons to stay at home

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my local pub has now closed so now the only bar within staggering distance of my house is an entertainment centre. So now, if I want to drink myself blotto, I can no longer do it in peace and quiet, I have to do it to the background noise of some cartoon monkey and 100 rotten kids screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 1 036

By dumbass - 06/09/2012 06:46 - United States

Today, I sprained my ankle trying to prove that I can walk in high heels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 681

You deserved it 26 162

By Anonymous - 20/05/2010 11:04 - Canada

Today, I shaved my legs and pits for the first time this summer. It took 3 disposable razors and an hour to get the job done. I've clearly been single for far too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 834

You deserved it 47 149

Smells better when turned on

By p0isonOreo68 - 24/09/2020 20:02

Today, my cat peed on my stove. There’s multiple clean litter-boxes that he could have used instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 183

By alii2349 - 11/02/2014 03:16 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend's cat for staring at me, then cried about it for an hour. Pregnancy life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 393

You deserved it 10 001

By foolishgirl - 25/02/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 866

You deserved it 73 916

By Bg2466 - 15/08/2016 03:17 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got a bad review on my work's Facebook page. The girl said I was very rude and I should never work with the public. I was trying to flirt with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 112

You deserved it 15 595

By ForeverAGirlfriend - 13/06/2016 04:40 - United States - Aliquippa

Today, while vacationing with my boyfriend of 9 years, he started writing "Wi" in the sand. I instantly hoped he was going to propose by writing, "Will you marry me" on the beach. He spelled out "wiener" instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 980

You deserved it 3 167

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Saturday 2 January 2010 9:40

Boyfriend: jerk. Cousin: a little sweetie.

jamie_leeann23 0

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Saturday 2 January 2010 9:53

awww thts cute now email it to ur ex and say: see you bastard look what you've done breaking my little cousins heart. he'll feel bad. they all do. ;)

Comments

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Saturday 2 January 2010 9:31

=( That's terrible. But then again I don't think she would be able to understand. _____________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99

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Saturday 2 January 2010 13:11

Op.. how exactly is this an FML? He broke up with you ON THE DAY. You do realize 1) she probably drew it beforehand, and 2) There wasn't enough time to even tell her, let alone make her understand? Quit being a whiny little bitch and get over yourself. Fuck me.

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Saturday 2 January 2010 13:18

Your family was making an effort NOT to bring this up, being nice - and a 5 yo gave you a hand drawn birthday card. You should be grateful for this not complaining.

Reyo 2

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Sunday 3 January 2010 2:11

You should beat the crap out of your 5 year old cousin since that's the ONLY logical answer to this obviously life ending situation.

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Sunday 3 January 2010 5:55

The point is not that she's mad at the 5 year old. The point is that she was broken up with ON HER BIRTHDAY.

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Saturday 19 June 2010 11:17

why is EVERYONE. usIng RanDom CaPS

yasmeenjonasx3 0

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Saturday 2 January 2010 9:38

Aw. Sowee, what a douche monkey. I feel your pain. 

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Saturday 28 May 2011 0:45

I'd have to beat the fuck outta my ex if I were you

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Saturday 2 January 2010 9:39

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

whatwasthatnoise 0

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Saturday 2 January 2010 9:47

well arnt you just a lovely person

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Saturday 2 January 2010 18:58

What's "ingrateful" mean? The FML of this is the fact that the card reminded the OP of the fact that her boyfriend just broke up with her on her birthday. If he hadn't have done that, then I'm sure she would've loved the card.

fightingkittens 39

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Monday 8 November 2010 3:58

Wow........you're nice. You actually think she's blaming her little cousin for what happened? THE POINT IS THAT HER BOYFRIEND BROKE UP WITH HER ON HER BIRTHDAY, JERK.

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Sunday 14 August 2011 4:16

you jealousss?

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Sunday 14 August 2011 4:16

you jealousss?

lunaforever21 14

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Sunday 12 November 2017 13:19

the amount of spelling errors in your comment makes me assume you need to go back to school

cozcat 0

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Saturday 2 January 2010 9:40

Boyfriend: jerk. Cousin: a little sweetie.

xxfamousgrl218xx 0

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Sunday 3 January 2010 4:53

Agreed :)

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Saturday 2 January 2010 9:45

..

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Saturday 2 January 2010 9:46

slut

jamie_leeann23 0

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Saturday 2 January 2010 9:53

awww thts cute now email it to ur ex and say: see you bastard look what you've done breaking my little cousins heart. he'll feel bad. they all do. ;)

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Saturday 2 January 2010 14:42

I wouldnt

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Thursday 3 November 2011 16:27

My little girl would give you a "stupid stamp"

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Saturday 2 January 2010 9:54

if it was me, I would be thankful, a five year old stop and thought about you and drew you a picture

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Friday 3 August 2012 22:08

I don't think that's the point of the FML ..

singer4life666 0

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Saturday 2 January 2010 10:00

Be happy you have a sweet little cousin!

iranoutofnames 6

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Saturday 2 January 2010 10:01

so you broke up. u ganna blame her? blow it off she's fine and misinformed. no fml other than the breakup itself...

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Saturday 9 July 2011 9:12

that IS the FML dude

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 15

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 22

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 68