The Top

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Scheming

By Blood aint shhh - 03/07/2023 12:00

Today, I was supposed to get married. Instead, my sister made up a story about me cheating on my fiancé at the bachelorette party. He bought it and dumped me, despite there being no evidence of this. Turns out it was all a plan because they were secretly seeing each other for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 117

Internalized misogyny

By eyeroll - 08/05/2022 07:00 - United States

Today, I had a fight with my husband after I went off on his aunt. We were at her house for a BBQ, she saw me in my casual shorts and tank top, and said to him, “You let her walk out the house like that? She’s a walking rape invitation!” He says she can say whatever she wants since she’s old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 206

Women be shopping, amirite?

By Anonymous - 15/07/2023 15:00

Today, we've been saving for months. I thought we were saving for a down payment. Apparently, to my wife, "down payment" means "Amazon Prime Day savings fund." We had over thirty grand, now we've got less than five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 164

Better off alone

By Anonymous - 21/05/2022 06:00

Today, I found out the person I've fallen for is seeing someone else. This isn't a problem. What IS a problem is the fact that I asked her out before they even met, and was told she wasn't ready for a relationship. This happens every time I try to put myself out there and let myself feel anything for anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 375

HR says no

By badluckbrian - 12/06/2019 04:15

Today, I lost my job. This was a surprise, as my performance hasn’t ever been an issue. My boss couldn’t look me in the eye while it happened, and the HR representative cut me off when I tried to ask why, informing me that they would only answer benefit-related questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 876

You deserved it 155

Sticking with you

By post-loss - 06/06/2017 18:00

Today, in my excitement to make some new cards for the postcard exchange I take part in, I apparently spilled my bottle of glue directly into the bag that contains my entire postcard collection. I didn't notice until several hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 679

You deserved it 618

When the cat's away…

By F*ckyouRoss - 06/03/2021 20:30 - Brazil - Sao Paulo

Spicy

Today, I went back home after a break with my live-in boyfriend. I had to spend some time at my distant father's place in another city until we talked it over, and he asked me to come back. I guess he should have mentioned he'd had sex with someone else before I came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 304

Charming lady

By the diabetic necromancer - 15/03/2021 02:00

Today, I accidentally left the pantry open. My narcissistic mother’s response was to spit on me and tell me to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 157

You deserved it 82

Ah, puppy love…

By Unlovable - 22/07/2019 04:00

Today, I was texting my crush. He wasn’t really into the texts because he was barely replying, until he texted back calling me "Baby." I got so excited, I almost cried, until he corrected himself and said that the text wasn’t for me. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 793

You deserved it 545

Mummy's boy

By Anonymous - 22/03/2021 17:01

Today, my boyfriend's mum said she won't stop us from seeing each other, yet she'll only allow me to see him for 30 minutes a day, for 2 days a week, and gets mad if he sees me for any longer, because "mother knows best." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 140

No happiness for you

By Anonymous - 08/06/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, my ex had a freakout because she found out I have a new girlfriend. She doesn't want me back or anything, she herself has a new boyfriend. Her issue is she just doesn't want to see me happy with someone else. Apparently, I'm supposed to just stop existing now that she's done with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 140

How did you screw up so bad?

By Anonymous - 15/09/2023 04:00

Today, after I made a new Google/YouTube account a couple of weeks ago, I failed to realize that the name I made on YouTube also relates back to my Gmail. I've been sending professional, work-related emails under the name of "Poop McNugget." FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 980

Paaaaaaarty!

By Boyufd - 16/08/2019 22:00

Today, it's my birthday. I'd planned an outside party in my backyard, and I'd invited all of my friends. Only 2 of them showed up. It also rained today, even though it wasn't supposed to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 201

Sneaky sneaky...

By Snowflakepandi - 01/09/2017 13:00

Today, while on vacation, I found out that my boyfriend moved out. He had claimed that he couldn't come with me because his boss messed up his time off request, and for the last two days he said he'd been "cleaning". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 487

You deserved it 316

Kids say the dumbest things…

By Marymary - 27/08/2019 20:00

Today, my cousins and I were walking past bars, choosing one go to. I recently got my hair cut short and thought it was cute. A little boy walking beside us looked at me and said, "Are you a boy?" His mother shushed him and said, "No dear, she's just flat-chested." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 680

You deserved it 287

No uncertain terms

By Andreww - 30/03/2025 06:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I got broken up with yet again by my on-and-off ex-girlfriend. I had ended things with an amazing girl I was seeing just to go back to my ex. She'd made it clear that if things went wrong with my ex, I wasn't allowed to pursue her again. I tried to hit her up again anyway, but she told me to “take a short walk off a pier.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 1 485

Picky

By Anonymous - 09/07/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, the girl I would have risked my life to shag in highschool got in touch and was clearly fishing for a date, but in the past ten years, she’s been in prison for arson, become 10 stone overweight, a chainsmoker with a visible moustache, and 6 kids with 4 men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 246

By Jules - 15/09/2017 17:00

Today, the first day of school, I threw up on my teacher in the middle of class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 389

You deserved it 304

A freak out for all to bee

By death to bees - 13/04/2025 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, a bee buzzed towards me, so I screamed and started frantically flailing and thrashing my arms, praying it wouldn't sting me. I threw my full cup of hot coffee in the face of the man next to me, and launched my laptop out of its bag and onto the pavement, where it broke in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 859

I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself

By bored - 12/09/2019 00:02

Today, I found a deck of Uno cards. Being extremely bored, I decided to put them in order. I now know EXACTLY which cards I'm missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 381

That's awkward

By Dannotmann - 04/05/2021 22:01

Today, I took my wife and our 6 year-old son to a company party. Sometimes I take my son to work with me, so he knows my coworkers. One of them walked over and introduces herself to my wife, and my son says, "Yeah, they go to into the bathroom together all the time during break!"’ Thanks, son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 3 533

Scruffy 'erbert

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 00:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the garden of my new house when a neighbour came over and told me to clear off or she would call the owner to tell them they were being burgled. When I told her I was the owner, she said I was clearly unsuitable to be living on this street, and to stop lying before she called the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 227

You deserved it 138

Contortionist

By Anonymous - 30/07/2022 14:00

Spicy

Today, I had a date with a guy I’ve known casually for a few weeks. Everything was OK, until he asked me to come back to his place because he had something “to share with me.” Apparently, he’s double jointed, because his mouth reaches below his waist. He even finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 213

Odorama

By wellonheels - 01/10/2019 15:54

Today, at work in a clinic, I went in to clean a treatment room. For some reason, it smelled like rotten meat, which made me gag. I sprayed some air freshener. Now it smells like rotten meat and air freshener. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 612

You deserved it 318

wellonheels tells us more.

wellonheels 7

Tuesday 1 October 2019 15:37

My first published FML! Yay! Sorry folks, no windows to open, and not enough air freshener at the time to use more on that one room. Sometimes, people just smell. Bad. And that was the case. I think the patient must have had meat juice on his clothes or something. Maybe he works for a butcher. I'll have to ask if he comes in again. In the meantime, I'm having the boss order more (industrial strength) air odor eliminator. I think I'll be needing it if he comes back... *sigh*

Frozen

By Anonymous - 12/08/2022 10:00

Spicy

Today, I found out my 15 year-old daughter is sexually active. I found out by finding her in our bedroom with a boy from her class, using one of our condoms. Her dad hasn’t spoken or moved from the kitchen table in over 30 minutes. I think he’s so mad his brain glitched and got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 371

You deserved it 247

My Humps

By nix1993 - 19/10/2019 21:00 - United Kingdom - Chorley

Today, I visited my old job to pick up some paperwork. Since leaving over a year ago, I’ve lost over 60lbs, but I’m currently 6 months pregnant. Not a single person believed that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 605

You deserved it 283

Unloveable

By Grant Williams - 13/06/2021 01:01 - United States - Frisco

Spicy

Today, I had a conversation with a girl on Tinder, for the third time this month. Just like the other two girls, she turned out to be a prostitute. Only prostitutes will give me the time of day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 205

Teenagers in love

By Anonymous - 24/08/2022 14:00

Spicy

Today, while preparing for our holiday, I realised I will have my period that week. My husband is now sulking because he thinks I’ll be so grumpy, I’ll ruin the holiday. I’ve had to talk him out of cancelling our flight twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 354

Stuck in the middle with you

By Anonymous - 31/08/2022 00:00

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. The kicker is, I'm 5 months pregnant and didn't even know it - no symptoms, nothing. I thought it was weight gain due to antidepressants and I'm also dealing with financial issues. I'm too far along to get an abortion, and adoption is not an option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 459

Fellas, is it gay to drink Mountain Dew?

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 18:01

Spicy

Today, I was lying in bed when my sister came home. She had a Mountain Dew, so of course I asked for some. She then told me she just sucked dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 025

You deserved it 455

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, I went for a walk. I was repeatedly barked at, and almost attacked, by nearly a dozen dogs. I have cynophobia from being nearly killed by violent untrained dogs on several occasions, so just hearing a dog bark gives me severe heart palpitations. I'm not kidding when I say I almost had a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 176

Today, I got my language final exam back. It was a 10-page essay front and back, and I saw that I received a D. The teacher told me the plot was too hard to follow and it jumped all over the place. It turns out he forgot to read the back of every page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 259

You deserved it 164

Today, a guy came into the small coffee shop I work at, and got angry because I wouldn't accept his Starbucks gift card as valid payment. When I told him we clearly aren't a Starbucks, he said "It's all the same shit" and ended up throwing a punch at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 248

You deserved it 3 160

Today, during a very stressful and busy day at work, I took a bathroom break. Unfortunately, of all the things on my mind, taking down my pants before emptying my bladder wasn't one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 858

You deserved it 8 045

Today, while dogsitting for a friend, I took their overly excitable dog to the park. The moment I unleashed him, he bolted, and I ended up chasing him for what felt like miles. When I finally caught him, I was covered in mud and my pants had a huge tear in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 681

Today, I slipped on a crayon a little girl threw on the floor, causing me to drop the tray of water I was carrying, making me spill it all over her. After getting cussed out by her mom, I was fired for making a customer unhappy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 316

You deserved it 1 897