Health: Today, after not moving at work all day, I decided to be healthy... - FML

By ChubbyPanda - 08/08/2016 22:49

Today, after not moving at work all day, I decided to be healthy and walk home. Now my thighs are numb from rubbing together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 792

You deserved it 3 600

Batman

Own it

So many questions

By AloneAgainNaturally - 09/09/2016 21:03 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I found nudes on my boyfriend's phone. We've been together 14 years. They weren't of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 177

You deserved it 1 864

By kal - 23/02/2010 16:28 - United Kingdom

Today, on Facebook, I joined a group called "I want our relationship to last." My boyfriend commented "I don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 633

You deserved it 6 765

By sleepy125 - 23/01/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, the first guy I've ever loved is going to a fancy rush party with my best friend. He did tell me he needed space to think about us this whole weekend. I guess I know what he's been thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 188

You deserved it 2 023

It's the monstaaaaah

By Anonymous - 02/02/2021 21:30

Today, a 4 year-old saw me and started crying and screaming like heck. I mean, I knew that I didn't look good, but this is too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 79

By Anonymous - 06/05/2013 08:35 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 633

You deserved it 6 581

By Totallyscrewed - 10/02/2013 05:17 - United States - Stroudsburg

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy this past summer after our son was born and only took one of the two tests. I haven't cheated. He refuses to believe me or get his spunk checked again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 434

You deserved it 3 647

By Alexman1985 - 01/05/2013 10:30

Today, while paying a $60 tab on drinks for a girl, a guy grabs the money-clip out of my hand and runs. I start to chase after him; the girl trips me, then runs after him. The bartender calls the cops; not to catch the thieves, but to report me for not paying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 053

You deserved it 4 970

By grammarnazi-forareason - 03/07/2013 06:48 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 531

You deserved it 3 737

By Anonymous - 29/12/2015 14:15

Today, I found out my wife has been taking "love thy neighbour" very literally with the bloke next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 387

You deserved it 1 514

By Anonymous - 18/10/2013 14:29 - United States - Worcester

Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire power point based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 390

You deserved it 4 204

Congrats!

By sodonewiththis89 - 10/02/2021 13:59

Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 63

America's Funniest Home Videos

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 14:01

Today, I found out that a guy who works overnights had secretly been videotaping me singing and dancing to my favorite songs while I worked my own graveyard shift. My new nickname at work is 'Prancy'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 155

You deserved it 262

By Uh_Oh_Bro - 24/07/2016 17:58 - United States - Annandale

Spicy

Today, my family, grandma included, took some time to discuss whether or not olive oil is a suitable substitute for lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 538

You deserved it 1 960

Welcome to the world!

By Anonymous - 01/04/2020 08:00 - United Kingdom - Aldershot

Today, I helped deliver the baby belonging to the woman my husband left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 447

You deserved it 136

By bbb - 11/01/2017 07:36

Today, I wasn't able to reply to Facebook chat message immediately, so my friends planned holiday and bought flights without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 758

You deserved it 858

By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 20:29 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me a pep talk to boost my self confidence. Somehow, it ended up turning into a conversation about how much of a loser I am and how I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 017

You deserved it 2 860

Cheesy delight

By blew it - 05/06/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend, only while I was down there I noticed he had an ungodly amount of dick cheese under his foreskin. He’s now mad at me for blueballing him, even though he’s clearly the one at fault for being a filthy pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 194

You deserved it 350

Make it stop

By Whoffus - 14/12/2021 13:58

Today, I'm on sick leave waiting for surgery due to a nasty inner ear infection. When I sneezed yesterday, my balance was suddenly completely gone and now the tiniest movement, like moving to another position on the couch, standing up, or rolling over in my bed, makes me seasick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 65

Don't Give Up

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 12:01 - United States - Longmont

Today, I looked at cute baby clothes while my friend was in the check-out line at JC Penny. It made me want to cry. I'm almost 33, childless, and so unattractive I couldn't pay someone to be into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 168

The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one!

By zarko - 14/02/2017 14:00 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I created myself a Dropbox folder named "Traffic fines". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 277

You deserved it 5 554

By Anonymous - 21/05/2019 18:00

Today, my walk of shame may have been caught by the Google car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 610

By NotALuckyGuy - 07/04/2015 16:19 - United States - Columbus

Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 010

You deserved it 47 256

By pummy - 30/09/2009 00:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number I wanted to mess with my girl a little. I started sending her provocative messages, and after 4 or 5 of them, I discovered I had entered her number wrong and was talking dirty to a man named Noah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 216

You deserved it 33 708

By KJL - 29/08/2011 15:38 - United States

Today, I found my husband Googling Morse Code. He thinks his farts are trying to communicate with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 708

You deserved it 3 853

By Anonymous - 10/08/2015 00:37 - United States - Plano

Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. When I went to change into tight jeans which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled: "It's the mommy show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 728

You deserved it 2 529

By uvagirl - 05/07/2013 01:32 - United States

Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 184

You deserved it 3 820

By Anonymous - 19/12/2013 22:49 - Australia - Kensington

Today, my mother decided to inform me that she doesn't believe canned food can have an expiry date and that the food is still okay to eat years after the 'supposed' expiry date. She's probably been cooking my dinner with expired food for over 17 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 884

You deserved it 4 992

By singing

By Ramb0 - 21/12/2019 01:00 - United Kingdom - Christchurch

Today, I was headbanging so hard to a song in the shower that I hit my head on the wall and got a concussion. I'm now in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 2 073

Anti-Dad

By Mr. Unlucky - 27/05/2018 19:30 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, after suffering a severe brain injury and receiving a large amount of money from the lawsuit for physical and mental rehab, I found out that my dad stole it all and spent it on himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 084

You deserved it 229

Wakey Wakey!

By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 04:00

Today, my girlfriend woke me up by punching me in the balls. It’s OK, I didn’t want kids anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 489

You deserved it 175

By unwanted daughter - 02/07/2014 15:54 - Canada - Oliver

Spicy

Today, I overheard my mother talking to her friend, and using me as an example of how it's sometimes best to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 100

You deserved it 5 828

By loganHchrist - 09/01/2014 00:53 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. They thought it would be funny to pretend that they're nudists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 967

You deserved it 4 948

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 22:38 - United States

Today, as I was making instant hot chocolate from the hot water dispenser in the break-room at work, a coworker informed me that it was industrial "recycled" wastewater that was only supposed to be used for washing tools. Thanks. I've only been doing that every day for the past 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 030

You deserved it 5 243

By actor my ass - 21/01/2012 22:44 - Canada

Today, trying to be romantic, I invited my girlfriend over to watch a movie. I said she could pick one up on the way, and I'd pay for it later. I ended up having to suffer through some "movie" that involved nothing but Nicolas Cage gurning like a stroke victim between crappy fight scenes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 274

You deserved it 29 046

By jhftrainer23 - 05/08/2011 14:42 - United States

Today, the woman I'm training at work asked, while staring intently at the keyboard, "now, which one of these buttons is the space-bar again?" She is 80 years old, types about 1 word per minute, and I have just one week to get her completely trained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 751

You deserved it 2 847

Febreze time of the month

By Lunar-Spice - 24/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Midlothian

Today, like every month, I'm able to tell when my period is going to come, down to the exact day. It becomes increasingly smelly, even before I've started, to the point where everyone around me can barely stand it. I can't do anything to get rid of the stench before it's actually started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 94

By Yuck - 11/10/2018 05:00

Today, I worked a 12-hour shift. Today my parents' cat also had diarrhoea. Rather than clean it up when said cat projectile shat all through my bed, they simply closed my door and left it for me. Since it's in my room, apparently it's my problem. They can't understand why I'm pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 250

You deserved it 305

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 02:46 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, I woke up thinking my house was on fire because I could hear crackling flames downstairs. I panicked and tripped out of bed. It was the fireplace channel I left on last night so I could wake up to a Christmas ambiance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 630

You deserved it 35 588

By -___- - 14/09/2013 00:37 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, while out jogging with my mom, we saw my boyfriend walking in our direction. When we reached him, he took one look at my makeup-less face, then made a huge show of screaming in disgust before calmly walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 558

You deserved it 5 615

By dwek - 15/05/2009 11:07 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, while checking through the graphic novel section of my library, I noticed a gay manga porn comic. While I was wondering who in the world would ever RENT such an item, I realised I had been staring at it for a full five minutes and people were watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 858

You deserved it 61 285

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Sunday 28 August 2016 15:09

Look at the bright side, if your thighs touch you're one step closer to becoming a mermaid!

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Sunday 28 August 2016 15:05

Build new good habits and keep walking. A sedentary lifestyle is far more dangerous than an active one. Think of your heart health and keep walking.

Comments

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Sunday 28 August 2016 15:05

Build new good habits and keep walking. A sedentary lifestyle is far more dangerous than an active one. Think of your heart health and keep walking.

Rawrshi 25

Sunday 28 August 2016 22:14

Monastat makes a chafing powder-gel that works wonders for preventing rubbing your thighs raw and isn't expensive at all (under $10). Don't be discouraged and it gets easier. Like #1 said, just keep going because being active is far better than doing nothing at all.

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Sunday 28 August 2016 23:20

I saw this as kind of the same thing as getting aching muscles after working out, might feel bad now but it won't get better unless you continue.

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Sunday 28 August 2016 15:09

Look at the bright side, if your thighs touch you're one step closer to becoming a mermaid!

anonymuse_fml 31

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Sunday 28 August 2016 15:10

Don't forget being able to catch your phone if you drop it while on the toilet...

persephone217 24

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Sunday 28 August 2016 15:37

where has this explanation of mermaidness been all my life!

trollcrusher 17

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Sunday 28 August 2016 21:07

Another bright side to the situation is that OP'S thighs were just numb! It seems that most people I'm aware of experience some serious, raw, burning pain when their thighs chafe. Especially during intense exercise, since sweat can run over the sores and further aggravate the discomfort... *shudders* All the unpleasantness aside, good on you OP. Kudos for starting a healthy activity; your body will thank you and reap benefits if you stick with it.

LARC_UoGuelph 8

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Monday 29 August 2016 2:00

If your thighs touch, then your are currently a manatee, but there is hope. Keep being active and then become a mermaid!

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Monday 29 August 2016 2:46

Or crushing skulls between your thighs!!

MikaykayUnicorn 36

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Monday 29 August 2016 6:18

My thighs have bled from rubbing together. OP is lucky. But I still feel her pain.

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Sunday 28 August 2016 15:13

That will eventually stop, and you'll be glad you went through it later. Take care of yourself, op. Walking has way more health benefits than just weight loss.

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Sunday 28 August 2016 15:19

You're looking at it all wrong. Thighs rubbing together generate friction, which in turn generates energy. It's the next best renewable energy source, and you'll be hailed as the savior of all mankind.

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Monday 29 August 2016 8:12

Rumor has it that it starts fires as well.

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Sunday 28 August 2016 15:37

This is why I use plenty of lube on my walks. Sure I get stares and shocked gasps from passersby when I need to apply more, but the intercrural bliss is worth it!

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Sunday 28 August 2016 20:22

2 of my friends actually put deodorant on their inner thighs to prevent chafing lol

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Sunday 28 August 2016 15:44

I'm sorry, but this post is not worthy of being an FML.

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Sunday 28 August 2016 16:40

I'm sorry, but your reply is not worthy of being in the comment section.

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Sunday 28 August 2016 17:13

You clearly have never experienced this kind of pain.

Wishe 17

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Sunday 28 August 2016 20:20

Your attitude might be though.

KillMeGodPls 11

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Sunday 28 August 2016 16:35

if you walk alot itll become a rash

captainsmegma 12

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Sunday 28 August 2016 16:57

Nothing that some good hard sex won't fix.

notthatgirl13 9

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Sunday 28 August 2016 18:18

This is literally me.

bandersnatchben 11

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Sunday 28 August 2016 18:57

keep it up that's where it all starts the first six months are the hardest

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 9

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 990

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 1 147