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Poor planning on your part does not necessitate an emergency on mine

By Anonymous - 17/01/2022 08:02

Today, I had to bring my youngest (a 3 year-old) with me to my therapist's, due to not having childcare. After waiting 10 minutes, the receptionist called me up to the desk to inform me that my therapist wouldn’t be seeing me, because of my child being there. Nothing like wasting an hour of my time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 777

Freak Scene

By antsgomarching - 06/10/2020 17:01

Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I felt an itch on my arm. Then another. Then another. I finally looked to see what was going on, only to find a bunch of ants crawling in my bed. They were somehow getting in through the closed window. Guess I’m done sleeping tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 134

Good initiative

By cough - 27/12/2019 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was choking on an apple and asked my sister to get me some water. She got some. Then drank it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 768

You deserved it 238

Probably for the best

By Anonymous - 28/03/2023 22:00

Today, my boss informed me that I'll have to work all weekend to finish a project that's due on Monday. This wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that my ex-girlfriend is getting married on Saturday, and I was supposed to be in the wedding party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 297

Great expectations

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 08:08 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, after making love to my boyfriend, I went upstairs to shower. After turning it on, I found a huge pimple on my leg and the prospect of popping it excited me more than my boyfriend ever had in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 197

You deserved it 419

Vigilante

By Anonymous - 03/04/2023 22:00

Today, I got called to my son's school again because he punched a girl. Every time he gets in a fight, he justifies it by saying he only hits bullies he catches hurting other kids. His teachers even agree he only hits the bullies like that girl, but it’s becoming a huge problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 156

Medicare for all

By Neal - 10/04/2023 09:00

Today I started bleeding from my gums and nose - I have bone marrow cancer and my insurance denied the only treatment available to me because my "health problem" isn't "bad enough". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 99

Alexa, play "Happy When it Rains" by The Jesus and Mary Chain

By milo jj - 09/02/2022 21:59

Today, I went on a date with a girl who told me, “Sunny weather makes me depressed.” I’d hate to see what’s she’s like when it rains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 246

Our house, in the middle of our street

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 18:00 - Australia

Today, I was late for work again because of road workers in front of my house parking me in. This has been going on since February, and will be until August, "Weather permitting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 129

Bewitched

By Frozen Delight - 25/02/2019 04:00 - United States - New York

Today, my husband and our 4-year-old daughter were watching My Little Pony. When her favorite character angrily screamed, "You're going to love me!", she looked at him with a perplexed look. My husband then responded, "And THAT'S how I met your mommy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 208

You deserved it 446

WOOF WOOF

By fuck! - 17/05/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, my upstairs neighbors, in my supposedly pet-free apartment complex, got a puppy. It’s a Great Dane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 116

By Cookie_monster - 08/03/2017 20:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, getting ready to go out, I turned on my straightener. After 5 minutes, I start straightening one big strand when I realize I'm smelting plastic into my hair. Turns out I'd left it on a plastic box. Of course, plastic never comes out, so I had to cut it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 235

You deserved it 2 166

Delusional

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 11:02

Today, my sister made serious plans to move to another country to be closer to the married man she's having an affair with. She thinks this will force him to leave his family. I know who will have to listen to her whining when she is sitting all alone in a different country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 137

By brokenatthebar - 24/03/2017 14:00 - United States - Carleton

Today, I was dumped via text halfway through my 8-hour bar shift. I had to deal with my co-workers and customers asking me how my vacation with my now-ex was for the next 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 792

You deserved it 327

Chair club

By Eleanor - 06/05/2019 14:00 - United States - North Grafton

Today, my freshman students got in a fist fight over a chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 709

You deserved it 155

Slip of the tongue

By Anonymous - 13/05/2019 10:00

Today, I had to help pick a jury for trial. I had to do a roll call to make sure that everyone was present. I stood up in front of a packed courtroom and said, “Okay, I’m going to do a roll call to make sure that everyone is here and pregnant.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 683

Golden child

By Anonymous - 27/01/2021 19:30 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I found out my junkie brother broke into my home, and stole mine AND my children's belongings whilst we were on holiday. I rang my mother to vent, only for her to blatantly defend him and insist I got it wrong. We caught him on camera, and now I'm being scolded for even thinking he would do such a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 111

By Anonymous - 22/05/2019 14:00

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she believes I "jinxed" her chances of getting the job she wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 152

By I'm disgusting - 26/05/2019 22:11

Today, my girlfriend caught me using my T-shirt as a tissue. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 3 283

Poisoning attempt

By Anonymous - 10/04/2022 10:00

Today, my mother-in-law tried to prove I was lying about my seafood allergy by adding minced prawns to the tomato sauce. In the last 24 hours, I have vomited and shit so much, plus the lost water weight from the sweating, I’ve lost almost 9lbs in body weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 112

Pissed

By mommy2004 - 18/07/2023 03:00

Today, my nineteen year-old boyfriend dumped me and kicked me out of his place where I was staying. All because my two year-old peed on his couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 969

By Anonymous - 24/05/2017 22:00

Today, my cousin and I spent 9 hours on two separate fishing boats. This is what my cousin's boat returned with. We didn't even get a freaking nibble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 046

You deserved it 452

Bodyshaming ain't cool

By spinspinsugar - 24/02/2021 20:01 - United States - Camillus

Today, I was video chatting with my dad. He handed the phone to his wife, whose first words out of her mouth were, "Why are you getting so skinny?" This was also the same woman whose first words out of her mouth when they came to visit us 3 years ago was how much weight I've gained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 106

Out of the frying pan, into the fire

By Anonymous - 11/09/2023 15:01

Today, I've been home from prison for over a week, I still don't have a job or a vehicle, and my mom keeps checking my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 1 650

Nolongeracriminal tells us more.

Nolongeracriminal 16

Monday 11 September 2023 14:55

OP here. I have since received an offer, took it, then had multiple offers at other places. Things are working out on this end. Been working all my hours plus some and got a truck. Making a come up after spending 7 years in the clink. Thanks for all the support guys/gals!!! 🙏

By Anonymous - 03/06/2017 21:00 - France

Today, after 4 years of trying to convince my husband, a landscaper, of the risks of skin cancer, he finally decided to put on sunscreen. Why? His horoscope told him to take care of his skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 508

You deserved it 367

By Carlos Cervantes_1981647997 - 24/06/2019 03:00

Today, I was talking to a colleague at a meeting, and I told him about my promotion and how the position was created specifically for me. I forgot that the guy works in HR, and he started questioning me about how the division was able to create the position, and said that he will need to look at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 2 306

Pulling the God card

By Smdh - 06/05/2022 16:00

Today, my sister announced her engagement to my ex-boyfriend, who she’d stolen from me. She got upset that I told her I’m not attending her wedding, nor congratulating her. Since she’s “Christian” her logic is “What God joined together, let no man separate.” Yeah, right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 147

Sinking feeling

By Daligheri - 02/03/2021 11:01

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after we watched Titanic for the first time together. Why? Two reasons. Because I cried, and apparently men aren't allowed to be emotional, and because she asked me if I would save her or a boat of women and children first. Neither answer was correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 148

Can't be bothered

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 00:30

Spicy

Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 1 767

Don't stop now!

By Anonymous - 09/03/2021 02:01 - Lithuania - Klaipeda

Spicy

Today, as usual during sex, my boyfriend finished first, and then he "massaged" me so I could finish too. While he was doing that, his grandma called. He actually answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 188

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The Top

Today, I looked at house listings, found my parents' home, empty and repainted. I hope they're OK. No calls. I'd been gone for months, ill, weak, and struggling to recover. They knew this. They threw away life memories, my body of work, new clothing and supplies for when I got back on my feet, and more. Gutted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 101

Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 875

You deserved it 4 701

Random

Today, I was driving in a busy area looking for a place to park. I happened to lock eyes with a really handsome man who was walking alongside the road. He approached my car with a huge, gorgeous smile, and as I rolled my window down, he asked, "Are you my Uber?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 680

You deserved it 1 013

Today, while riding my bike in the rain to a counselling appointment about my depression, my shoelace came untied and got caught around my pedal, causing me to go flying off my bike directly in a huge muddy puddle right in front of a busy street of people. No one offered to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 165

You deserved it 1 721

Today, I Googled myself. I found my mugshot and a blog my mom had written about how much of a problem child I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 374

You deserved it 23 660

Today, I got back to my car with a note cussing me out for parking in a disabled space when I’m clearly not disabled. They also smashed my windows. It’s true, I’m not disabled, but I also wasn’t parked in a disabled space. I was parked in a normal space next to the disabled spaces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 212

You deserved it 232

Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 1 011

Today, my son-in-law's parents were saying it was a shame our kids were so busy working that they have to babysit all day, four days a week. Me and my wife babysit three days a week, which is when we realised our kids have basically tricked us four grandparents into raising their baby all week, including weekends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 157

You deserved it 261