By Anonymous - 13/3/2021 21:30

Sorry for what?

  Today, my boyfriend of 3 years said he wanted an open relationship. When I asked if it was because I wasn’t good enough to fulfill his needs, he got mad at me and now expects an apology. FML
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By  Forest Way  |  11

This is the start of a controlling man in an abusive relationship. His anger will make you stop asking him questions. That is exactly what he wants. He wants you to not question him.

By  mickymoose1  |  15

This entire situation is a red flag. No one deserves to be in an abusive situation. Not all abuse is visible and the mental/emotional abuse you're partner is inflicting on you is only going to get worse with time. It might even turn physical at some point. Run now before it's too late. You deserve better. If he wants to be able to sleep around and you're not okay with it, he can do it while single. If he truly cared about you he would recognize that he can't be what you need him to be and he'd leave and allow you to find someone who wants to love you the way you deserve. Good luck!

COMMENTS
By  Forest Way  |  11

This is the start of a controlling man in an abusive relationship. His anger will make you stop asking him questions. That is exactly what he wants. He wants you to not question him.

By  mickymoose1  |  15

This entire situation is a red flag. No one deserves to be in an abusive situation. Not all abuse is visible and the mental/emotional abuse you're partner is inflicting on you is only going to get worse with time. It might even turn physical at some point. Run now before it's too late. You deserve better. If he wants to be able to sleep around and you're not okay with it, he can do it while single. If he truly cared about you he would recognize that he can't be what you need him to be and he'd leave and allow you to find someone who wants to love you the way you deserve. Good luck!

By  Blimix  |  6

Polyamory *absolutely* requires the willingness and ability to have mature conversations about any and every problem that can come up in a relationship. Conflicts must be approached with compassion, empathy, an open mind, the self-respect and self-understanding to set and enforce boundaries, and respect for your partners' boundaries. Jealousy must be taken as a sign of an unmet need or a fear of losing someone, rather than as a springboard for tightening control. Your relationship wouldn't last a week.

However, let's address one little side issue: Nobody can fulfill all of another person's needs. Some people deal with this by having friends for the rest. Some become polyamorous. Some just live with unmet needs. The fact that he wants an open relationship isn't a critique of what you give him.

By  tounces7  |  27

He doesn't want an open relationship. He wants permission to cheat on you whenever he pleases without you "bothering" him about it. YOU will not be allowed to sleep with anyone else though, because he's extremely toxic and you should be running before you even finish reading this.

By  the_bad_kind  |  11

"However, let's address one little side issue: Nobody can fulfill all of another person's needs."
I know OP will find a fulfilling monogamous partner as long as they stay focused on what they want and deserve.
The above poly promo from another comment starts with a blatant assumption. I'm sad that the commenter thinks a partner has to fulfill all one's needs or go poly. What is that? Naive youth? No EI or IQ? Simple cynicism? Lack of community? An emotional gold digger? Of course, a partner can be part of a fulfilled monogamous team. If the chance of a successful marriage is 50-50 that just means you have to be in the top half. Loving a monogamous life would be another boost out of all those with difficult circumstances or who are just perpetually ungrateful.
OP must have what it takes if they see it now. I'm sorry your partner is trying controlling cop out threes years in, but he's definitely already cheated on you. Thank him and go be you! You will be supported more than you can know now.