Today, I got married and it was wonderful. I had a beautiful... - FML

By kotolokacja - 24/8/2018 06:00 - Poland - Plock

Today, I got married and it was wonderful. I had a beautiful mermaid-style tight dress, had fun with my husband, and drunk like there was no tomorrow. Then my bridesmaid forcefully took me to the bathroom to show a big, red stain on my butt. My period came two weeks early. FML

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Proactive

Serious times

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

By flyakite - 22/8/2014 03:53 - United States

Today, my boss decided our 4 year relationship was unethical, so she broke up with me, then terminated my employment. FML

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By Inconnu - 18/6/2011 05:13 - France

Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML

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By :| - 12/9/2013 22:27 - Sweden - V?llingby

Today, I realized that what I thought for years was my country's National Anthem, is actually the theme song of a TV show. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2018 06:00

Today, my new bikini must be cheap as shit because I tanned nicely where I put on sunscreen, but where I didn’t apply it under the bikini I’ve gotten super red sunburn on my butt, my lady bits, and my boobs. My nipples look like the ends of red felt tip pens. FML

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By ZZ - 30/6/2009 03:01 - Canada

Today, I was riding my bike on the side of the road because there was no sidewalk. Then a car with a loud horn honked at me. Pissed off, I turned around and screamed "shut the fuck up!" It was my girlfriend's parents saying hi. FML

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By marriedwithfamily - 30/6/2009 00:57 - United States

Today, I went on my honeymoon to Hawaii. My family decided to surprise my new husband and I by joining us on our vacation. FML

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By unknown - 12/6/2013 17:33 - United States - Tulare

Today, I was walking to the gym when the woman in front of me dropped some cash. I picked it up and tried to get her attention. She saw the money and thought I was trying to pay her to sleep with me. FML

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By motherfucked - 15/1/2016 17:07 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I tried to send my friend a link to a really weird porno. Unfortunately, Google Hangouts popped up with a message from my mom. I didn't realize the keyboard focus had switched until I hit Ctrl+V and Enter real quick. Now I'm grounded. FML

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By biomajor99 - 22/4/2015 21:46 - United States - Middletown

Today, I had to explain to my 23-year-old female friend that when I get my hysterectomy, I will still be able to poop. FML

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By wtf dad - 10/1/2013 03:15 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I learned who my dad's new fiancée is. Upon meeting her she exclaimed, "My, I haven't seen you in a while!" She's my ex-boyfriend's mom. FML

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By woahheylex - 25/6/2011 14:21 - United States

Today, after ordering pizza, I heard some strange noises coming from my basement so I called the cops. The pizza came fifteen minutes before the cops. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2013 07:11 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML

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By Carrie - 8/5/2013 05:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my water broke while my boyfriend was breaking up with me. FML

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By Fatty - 28/12/2011 07:57 - United States

Today, I found out that I've been using a "Trick Scale" that my family bought to boost my self esteem so I'd think I was losing weight. I found this out at my physical, where I learned I have actually gained ten pounds. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2017 05:00

Today, I got my septum piercing stuck in a bag of cinnamon pine cones at Target. My boyfriend was wearing a red shirt with khaki pants, so all the other shoppers thought I had to call a Target employee over to "cut" me out of the bag. FML

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By mo - 19/12/2011 07:55 - United States

Today, my mother told me I looked like a hooker in my wedding dress. Thanks mommy. FML

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By jasmine - 23/2/2010 16:48 - United States

Today, I realized I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. Too bad he has never once made me orgasm in the two and a half years we've been together. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2013 03:36 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom started getting ready for the Rapture. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2014 21:24 - Portugal - Alg

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML

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By CatLitterLover - 8/2/2011 06:51 - United States

Today, I dropped my Xanax. It wasn't until after I washed it down with some water that I realized it was still on the floor and I had actually swallowed a pebble of cat litter. FML

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By mathhhh - 26/2/2010 17:57 - United States

Today, I missed points on a math quiz because I thought 2 times 5 was 20. I'm a math major. FML

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By Help Me - 18/1/2015 03:45 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I saw a little old lady trying to cross the street. I went over and tried to help her. Turned out she was actually just a really short young woman. As soon as I took her arm, she screamed in front of everyone and accused me of trying to molest her. FML

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By RR - 11/7/2009 05:58 - United States

Today, I went with my sister to get our eyebrows waxed. I didn't think my eyebrows were that bad--and they weren't! When the guy waxed my eyebrows, he gestured my lips and said, "Moustache, too?" Mortified, I said, "No!" to which he replied, "Aw, someone no get kissy tonight." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2010 18:52 - United States

Today, I found out that instead of having four wisdom teeth, I have eight. They all have to be removed as soon as possible, which happens to be over the Christmas break. I get to spend my whole vacation in excruciating pain and a swollen face to boot. FML

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By Amy (grossed out) - 27/4/2014 13:43 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we ran the Skype call all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML

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By Curles - 17/8/2019 04:00 - Norway

Today, I found out the room I've been sleeping in has black fungus growing on the wall behind the bed. So, that's why I cough until it feels like my lungs are coming out in the morning. Mystery solved. FML

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By friend loves a gay guy... - 23/9/2013 20:49 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my best friend told me that she no longer wants to cut herself because now she's madly in love with a guy in our school. She doesn't know that he's gay. FML

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By Coryj1220 - 26/3/2014 03:53 - United States - Louisville

Today, while working at Dairy Queen, a customer asked me what was so special about our ice cream cakes, and how they're different from regular cakes. I chuckled, and told her it's because they're made from ice cream. She threw a fit, which resulted in me being written up and sent home early. FML

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By single - 1/7/2011 09:12 - China

Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, I was at QuickTrip. As I was leaving, I passed a woman who was saying "stay" very sternly through her open driver's side door. I smiled as I passed, saying "Your dog wants to follow you huh? I've been there." She glared at me and said "No. That's my son. He's mentally challenged." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2010 08:30 - Netherlands

Today, I had sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he said: "I know women who would be really self-conscious about nipples like that. I love that you accept yourself." I had no clue there was anything odd about my nipples. FML

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By pool party - 29/5/2013 00:48 - United States - Rockford

Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML

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By dumbass - 7/2/2011 00:58

Today, my boyfriend left for a 2-year job posting in China. We had agreed to maintain a long distance relationship and even worked out a visiting schedule. Later that night, after trying to reach him, I realized the numbers he gave me weren't for China. The country code doesn't even exist. FML

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By Nofreeride - 28/1/2017 18:00

Today, after arguing with my husband over who needed the car more, I thought he clearly won. As the loser, I spent the day walking everywhere. Later, I learned that he thought I'd won and left the car in our apartment parking garage for me while he took the bus to work. FML

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By moosemay - 19/1/2016 17:03 - Germany - Dittelbrunn

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter to the dentist for her first check-up. We were at the front desk when she tripped, fell and chipped her front tooth on the marble floor. FML

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By Potty-Pot - 23/1/2017 10:00

Today, my flatmate took his hour plus long shower while we both tried to get ready for work. I had a choice to wet myself or pee in a cooking pot. I chose the pot. FML

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By me - 5/12/2011 08:05 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend's response to my question about where our relationship was going was, "Let me check what my Celtic Runes have to say about it." FML

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By Ese - 12/10/2018 12:00

Today, my sister took me out shopping for my birthday and had been drinking a Monster the whole day. Halfway back home, I took a sip of it and she screamed, but it was too late. I had drunk the phlegm that she spat into the can earlier. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2012 20:45 - United States - Clay City

Today, I went to buy some beer using my fake ID, when the cute cashier and I started flirting. When he asked me how old I was, I said without thinking, "Nineteen." FML

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By beernuts - 6/3/2012 11:53 - United States

Today, due to the powerful antibiotic I was taking for a bad infection on my knee, I had no control over my bowels and shat my pants while discussing a plumbing problem in a customers basement. FML

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7681713 - Friday 24 August 2018 6:45

When you sent out the wedding invitations, you never leave out Aunt Flo — she might just barge in uninvited.

By snowdrift | 6

#7681710 - Friday 24 August 2018 6:04

Bloody hell.

COMMENTS

By snowdrift | 6

#7681710 - Friday 24 August 2018 6:04

Bloody hell.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7681713 - Friday 24 August 2018 6:45

When you sent out the wedding invitations, you never leave out Aunt Flo — she might just barge in uninvited.

By real life problems | 26

#7681720 - Friday 24 August 2018 7:22

Did you finish the wedding in sweatpants?

By zuckerburg | 21

#7681766 - Friday 24 August 2018 8:37

It was a wine stain... right.... glad you enjoyed your wedding regardless

By melisssa87 | 30

#7681936 - Friday 24 August 2018 13:45

Didn’t you feel the period coming? You know because of gravity and it feels like a bubble

Reply

julfunky | 29

#7682135 - Friday 24 August 2018 21:22

When sober I noticed when I got my period because I could feel it. I didn’t feel a “bubble,” I just felt extra wet. By the time I noticed I’d already leaked onto the underwear. So it’s safe to say that if I were hammered when I got my period that I may not have even noticed.

By hellphone_fml | 37

#7682040 - Friday 24 August 2018 16:50

Stress does that to you I'm sorry op

By AzrielB | 8

#7682078 - Friday 24 August 2018 18:48

at least you didn't have the poop body suit fml

By acmariner99 | 23

#7682221 - Saturday 25 August 2018 1:16

Would it be better if it were two weeks late?

By I'veRunOuttaPatience | 11

#7682592 - Saturday 25 August 2018 21:09

At least your bridesmaid did her duty and got you out of there as soon as she noticed.

By Cat's Paw | 15

#7687046 - Monday 3 September 2018 4:24

If your family and friends care about you, they will photoshop out any big, red stains out of any pictures and NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN.