Not ready for this

By Anonymous - 05/06/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, I learned, 9 years after the death of my last intimate partner who'd moved away, that I have a 10 year-old child, and after the kid's grandpa died I was listed as a relative. Now I have a 10 year-old on my shoulders. DNA confirmed it was mine, and I never was told. Getting drunk before I take the kid in. FML
I agree, your life sucks 1 117
You deserved it 395

Same thing different taste

Top comments

I have sympathy for the child. Every child deserves to be wanted and loved.

When you first meet your child, introduce yourself as his or her biological father. Be honest. Kids know when we lie. Do your best to keep being honest, that you don’t know what you’re doing. That you will do your best to do what is right. If you don’t want to raise your child tell social services right away, but know there is a chance this child if you don’t take care of him or her may not be adopted and the foster care system is not kind to older children. You are the last link to anyone this child has. Don’t worry about failing. Parenting is about love and giving it your all. Paying attention especially of emotions is going to be key. Your child will push and test boundaries. This is normal. 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste, 1 thing positive about yourself, 1 thing your child did right at least today helped me immensely. You can’t protect your child from everything but you can prepare your child for things in case of emergency. Full name, address, phone number and 9-1-1 is for only emergencies. Find out if this child has any allergies.

Comments

I feel like there should be a way to back out of this. Yes they're biologically yours but you're not family. You were never told or involved in formative years. What if you never wanted kids? What if you're POOR?

yahok 3

That’s a lot of what if’s and it seems like a lot of gaps are left in this story. Pending on the country they take steps to make sure the parent is fit. I feel bad for the child as they are ten and lost two important parental figures in their life and have to go live with a man who rather drink then take responsibility.

He stated he was getting drunk before the kid comes, not getting drunk so he can ditch the child. He’s probably stressed out and eleven years of not knowing you’re having a child is a long time (I am assuming she didn’t even tell him she was pregnant).

He never stated he was drinking to avoid taking responsibility of his child but eleven years of not knowing you have a child is a long time (I am assuming she didn’t even tell him that she was pregnant). He’s probably having trouble processing things and is in shock.

What does poor have anything to do with the quality of parenting. I know plenty of people who are great poor parents.

Contrary to hopes and dreams, raising a child is not cheap, and unexpectedly having another person that you need to feed, clothe, pay for healthcare, schooling, etc, can be difficult if you're already struggling. No one is saying poor parents are BAD parents but it definitely makes the job much more difficult. And like I said, he may not even want kids!

kitten79TX 5

There is no way to "back out of this," and the o.p.'s wants are irrelevant. There is a grieving, hurt child who needs love and supoort. It's not the kid's fault that the o.p. was never told about him/her.

I have sympathy for the child. Every child deserves to be wanted and loved.

I don’t think the OP stated he didn’t want the child, I think he is just in shock and 11 years of not being intimate with this person and then suddenly a child pops up out of the blue? He is possibly saying to himself, 11 years? Why did she keep this a secret, especially for so long.

She was dead for the last 9 years. She didn't keep the secret the whole time.

Wadlaen 23

Congratulations! And good luck!

This sounds like an 80s-90s movie plot. if real, man the **** up.

I actually knew women who didn’t even tell the dads they had kids. They didn’t even mention they were pregnant, and one had a child as a one night stand where she was in Denver and then flew off to Chicago. She never could remember the name of the guy until he ended up in Chicago as her doctor of all people. They’ve been married twelve years.

big daddy... it's already made hahah

When you first meet your child, introduce yourself as his or her biological father. Be honest. Kids know when we lie. Do your best to keep being honest, that you don’t know what you’re doing. That you will do your best to do what is right. If you don’t want to raise your child tell social services right away, but know there is a chance this child if you don’t take care of him or her may not be adopted and the foster care system is not kind to older children. You are the last link to anyone this child has. Don’t worry about failing. Parenting is about love and giving it your all. Paying attention especially of emotions is going to be key. Your child will push and test boundaries. This is normal. 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste, 1 thing positive about yourself, 1 thing your child did right at least today helped me immensely. You can’t protect your child from everything but you can prepare your child for things in case of emergency. Full name, address, phone number and 9-1-1 is for only emergencies. Find out if this child has any allergies.

Sonotsuave 35

I understand the difficulty and seriousness of your predicament, but I’d advise to empathize with what the child is going through right now, all the changes and confusion, and put yourself in their shoes. Giving yourself time to process the new news & slow introductions are a good first step. Best of luck

I know this sucks for you, but this is gonna be 1000 times worse for this kid. His mom died. His grandpa died. He's a ten year old child. Either step the **** up immediately or go tell the courts you can't, because you cannot half ass this shit. You cannot half ass the care of an already traumatized child. It's okay if you need to pass on this and remove yourself from the situation - you will not be at fault. But don't half ass this.

kitten79TX 5

I understand this is a shock. I urge you to get into family therapy with your child. Put yourself in the kid's position. That kid has lost their mother and their grandfather and is grieving. Their world has been turned uoside down and ripped away. Please be kind. It will be an adjustment. Please do family therapy. The child will need help coping with all of this, as will you.

They make movies about this sort of thing. Make the most of it

Michael Sawyer 11

Same kind of thing happened to me. The mother did not pass away, but I didn't find out about my oldest daughter until she was 7. and the only reason I found out then was because I happened to run into the mother (my high school girlfriend). I know how hard it is to reconcile that your life has changed, hopefully for the better in the long run. Just want to ask one thing...DO NOT GET DRUNK before bringing the child into your home.