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By Noname - 02/03/2009 14:07 - United States

Today, my friend and I went to a tacky-themed party. She was wearing orange faux snake stilettos. I commented, "Those are perfect for tonight, where'd you manage to find such hideous shoes?" It turns out she wears those shoes all the time, the color just matched her outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 636

You deserved it 44 537

By tallvet - 22/03/2018 19:00

Today, I told my wife to not drive our car as it has a steering problem and is starting to shake. I got home from work to see it had a flat tire, and asked her if she went anywhere. She'd thought I was exaggerating and went out for coffee. I've been a mechanic for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 007

You deserved it 312

I'm not getting it, am I?

By FailAtLife - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a job interview at a restauraunt opening up. One manager hypothetically asked me why I should be hired. I said I was more efficient than most. I left to find I'd locked my keys in the car. It took all the managers to help me get my keys out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 290

You deserved it 34 015

Marriage (Dress) Story

By Anonymous - 02/04/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that the company I sent my wedding dress to caught fire and lost everything in their building. I was going to be the fourth generation woman in my family to wear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 837

You deserved it 167

By red button - 11/02/2009 19:24 - United States

Today, my entire family sat down in the living room to watch the video I recorded of my sister's graduation from college. I never pressed record. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 671

You deserved it 43 763

By Anonymous - 13/08/2018 18:30

Today, I was in school when a guy grabbed my breast, so I swore at him and shoved him away. I got detention and he walked away unpunished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 896

You deserved it 244

By neoteck - 08/01/2009 07:55 - France

Today, I was talking to a charming young lady on MSN by webcam. She suddenly asked me to take my glasses off for a minute; I did so, and she said, "Oh never mind, you're still just as ugly..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 147

You deserved it 2 612

By calamity janet - 14/11/2018 22:00

Today, my husband took me to an airsoft shop so he could try a new pistol. We went on the range to shoot it, but while he was loading it went off and shot me. I was only wearing my leggings, so I felt the full power of that BB as it traveled at 200 feet per second at my clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 007

You deserved it 511

Boozehound

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was refused employment at a liquor store. Their reason? I'm a regular customer and they're afraid I'll drink all their profits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 586

You deserved it 21 764

By aveugle - 09/04/2011 11:28 - Turquie

Today, I walked into a mirror in a shop. No one would have known had my face not stayed printed on it due to my make-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 294

By Anonyme - 30/07/2016 07:24 - Spain - Orense

Today, I’m an au pair. The little boy that I take care of announced during a family dinner that I was “dad’s new sweetheart”. His mother didn’t seem to appreciate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 76

Family matters

By food critic - 22/12/2016 14:26 - Australia - Ryde

Today, I saw my girlfriend's mother tagged at a restaurant, the same one I had suggested we try earlier in the week. At the time, she quickly shut me down because "that place sounds terrible". I guess she forgot that she finally added me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 818

You deserved it 613

Nice to know

By LyricalTragedy - 16/12/2016 00:08

Today, I saw my father for the first time in two years. He felt compelled to tell me about how he got involved with a BDSM group and got an STD because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 139

You deserved it 746

By Tired Girlfriend - 14/06/2017 22:00

Today, it's 2am. I've been trying to get to sleep for the past two hours next to my snoring boyfriend. Every time I nudge him to shut him up, his body tenses, he farts, then goes straight back to snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 910

You deserved it 511

First day

By notsogoodtrainee - 09/07/2015 17:02 - United States - Fargo

Today, at my first day of work, I was impressing my trainer with my skills by carrying many trays at once. Well, I could until I came around a corner and ran into a customer. With food all over his front, he introduced himself to me as the head manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 668

You deserved it 4 824

By InvAzn - 14/12/2017 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate with each other, starting with some foreplay. Before he fingered me, he put on a blue surgical glove, claiming that "down there is dirty and smelly" and he didn't want it on his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 639

You deserved it 2 394

By wrongman - 14/02/2018 19:00

Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 618

You deserved it 7 777

By Imthatfirstguy1 - 10/04/2018 15:00

Today, I owe about $18,000 for a useless degree. Why? I graduated in 2016 from the ITT Technical Institute, a few months before the school shut down for good. The kicker? They misspelled my name on the diploma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 671

You deserved it 491

By RoseRodent - 03/06/2016 17:58 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I dropped my daughter off at a concert where she was performing and went to look for parking. I got caught in freak traffic and it took me an hour to get back there. I missed her act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 778

You deserved it 1 540

By NoSacredSpace - 19/05/2018 05:00

Today, I can finally say there’s no part of my body that hasn’t had a pimple show up. I found a zit on my clit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 059

You deserved it 532

No joking allowed

By TecheyTim - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Latham

Today, a coworker and I pulled a April Fools' prank on our boss. She "borrowed" his keys and rolled down his window. I took a car window from a scrap yard and sprinkled it on the ground near his door. His response was to kick the nearest object in anger. The nearest object happened to be my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 551

You deserved it 12 083

The self help books are over there

By Noname - 04/02/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, a guy in the library came up to me and said, "You look very unproductive. Just watching you makes me depressed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 982

You deserved it 4 792

Bad boy

By acme - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Israel

Today, I found out why it might be awkward to have your plumber and your least well-behaved dog share a name. Bad plumber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 165

You deserved it 2 897

By Anonymous - 16/03/2017 22:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had a lovely dinner date. Our waitress was really sweet, so we talked about leaving her a big tip. When we got home, we discovered we both thought the other person had left it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 297

You deserved it 1 720

By scaredshitless - 10/04/2019 18:00

Today, at 2:30am, I heard my baby crying on the monitor. As I got out of bed, she stopped crying and started laughing. There's nobody else in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 109

You deserved it 255

By Dandy - 23/12/2016 17:25

Today, after having given up video games for two weeks to focus on school, I finished my last exam of the semester and finally became free. I got home to find that Steam is down worldwide. I just received an email saying every game on my wish list is on sale, but I can't log in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 299

You deserved it 822

By Bawsack - 22/11/2016 09:45 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I missed an important meeting at work because I was vomiting from painful cramps. Just last week I was recommending that everyone get the implant because I hadn't had symptoms in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 708

You deserved it 1 390

By pinkrazorsare4men - 16/11/2016 00:51

Today, whilst taking a shower, I noticed my razor wasn't in its usual spot. Upon inspecting it closer, I noticed that there were tiny white hairs in it. When confronting my father about it, he claimed the "pink razors" are his. We've been sharing the same razor this entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 899

You deserved it 907

Fancy a snatch? A *snack, sorry.

By Crabcake - 22/09/2017 01:30 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my husband bought a luxury soap that smells like lemons. Now, every time I wash my private parts in the shower, it smells like a special at Red Lobster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 170

You deserved it 971

Stabie genius

By Terrible Boss - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I fired all 12 of my employees, purely out of anger and frustration. Realizing my mistake when I'd calmed down, I called each employee and apologized, asking if they'd come back. Only one said yes. The mailroom clerk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 7 916

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The Top

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 164

You deserved it 5 443

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 400 230

You deserved it 46 172

Random

Today, I was babysitting a 6 year-old and a 9 year-old. After they went to bed, I started working on a project for on my laptop that was due in 12 hours and fell asleep. I woke up to a dog licking my peanut buttered keyboard and the two kids sitting in the corner giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 616

You deserved it 3 112

Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 641

You deserved it 4 416

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 412

You deserved it 83 226

Today, my husband argued with me for an hour, because he believed that loaded potato skins grow naturally on a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 919

You deserved it 806

Today, the only "Happy birthday!" I got was from the cake I bought for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 914

You deserved it 165

Today I bombed a very important test. Being too upset to drive, I pulled into a lot and sobbed hysterically. A security guard tapped my window and demanded I move immediately. I tried to explain that I wasn’t in a state to drive, so he called the police on me. I was detained under suspicion of DUI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 250