Today, my husband took me to an airsoft shop so he could try... - FML

By calamity janet - 14/11/2018 22:00

Today, my husband took me to an airsoft shop so he could try a new pistol. We went on the range to shoot it, but while he was loading it went off and shot me. I was only wearing my leggings, so I felt the full power of that BB as it traveled at 200 feet per second at my clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3819

You deserved it

454

Tweet

Share

Long story short

Vultures

Tidy your room

By JD300 - 22/12/2009 12:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally got my wish of having snow on my birthday. Excited, I failed to realise this meant that no one could come to my party, including myself as we were all snowed out of town. What did I spend my 18th doing? Tidying our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29920

You deserved it

3900

Tweet

Share

By - 5/2/2017 13:00 - United States - Modesto

Today, the moment after hitting "confirm payment" for my boyfriend's valentine gift (along with some sexy lingerie for the occasion) on a shopping app, my period tracker app popped up to let me know I'll be well into my period on the 14th. I'm getting cockblocked by mother nature herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7300

You deserved it

1086

Tweet

Share

By oouchh - 24/7/2011 12:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend I still love, and his new girlfriend, who he cheated on me with. Embarrassingly, she was wearing the same top as me. However hers was in size 6, unlike my 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51323

You deserved it

18713

Tweet

Share

By TuralSucks - 11/3/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks

270334

You deserved it

17854

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/12/2010 14:50 - Egypt

Today, I was working on a 12-page report. After 5 hours on it, I go over to YouTube to change background music. My boss decides to pick this time to walk by, look at my screen, and grunt "hard at work, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30772

You deserved it

6734

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/3/2010 07:54 - United States

Dirty talk

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26638

You deserved it

10119

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/2/2012 05:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29659

You deserved it

5810

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/5/2014 18:43 - United States - Shawnee

Today, my husband suggested we get divorced, "for tax purposes". FML

I agree, your life sucks

52544

You deserved it

5198

Tweet

Share

By TTR - 13/11/2011 00:36 - United States

Today, I finished a very important but annoying presentation that took four hours to complete. Only after writing a paragraph to explain the presentation and sending it to my boss did I realize that I saved the document as "Shit I have to do to get a promotion." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12887

You deserved it

44513

Tweet

Share

By denied - 11/8/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, I was supposed to finally go out with my guy-friend that I have liked for a long time. He told me he would text me, and after waiting for hours for the text, I finally got it. It said, "Guess what!? I just got laid!" He forgot our date, had it off, and I congratulated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54757

You deserved it

8807

Tweet

Share

By Ignorant - 7/10/2017 06:00

Today, my husband and I had a HUGE fight, but we had amazing make up sex so I figured it was over. When I woke up, I realized my mistake. I was tied to the four bed posts completely naked and a sign was taped on the ceiling. "Repairman coming in an hour. Gave him a key. Have all your clothes. Have fun." FML

I agree, your life sucks

6712

You deserved it

837

Tweet

Share

By Katie - 9/10/2012 05:42 - United States - Homewood

Today, I received frantic calls and messages from my husband wondering where I was and if I was cheating on him. I was in the same house as him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25063

You deserved it

2068

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/5/2012 12:00 - United States

Today, I noticed that whenever someone belches, I immediately think of my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21017

You deserved it

3782

Tweet

Share

By NYMTS - 1/7/2011 23:22 - Australia

Today, I had to make a deal with my 22 year old fiancé. What was the deal? If he put deodorant on, he could squeeze my boob for as long as he liked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41222

You deserved it

10863

Tweet

Share

By This Is My Life - 1/7/2017 02:00

Jesus Christ!

Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4311

You deserved it

298

Tweet

Share

By xacked - 2/6/2009 06:39 - United States

Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking there and the bird attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12383

You deserved it

61488

Tweet

Share

By FriutlessApple - 11/10/2013 15:18 - United Kingdom

Today, feeling bored and lonely, I drove into town to wander around the shops and go to Subway for lunch. While there, I picked up two trays and put one on the opposite side of the table, along with some of my rubbish, to make it look like I was with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37450

You deserved it

11022

Tweet

Share

By theorifice - 16/6/2010 16:28 - Canada

Today, I was unbearably hungry, so I went to Wendy's, bought myself a Baconator and took it outside to eat on the patio. One bite in, I went back to grab a few napkins. Within seconds of my departure, a seagull snatched it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16119

You deserved it

43142

Tweet

Share

By SayWhat - 25/2/2010 11:46 - United States

Today, I went to throw out the garbage outside. I noticed at the bottom of my can was a lot of rice. I was angry at my brother for making a mess. As I went to clean it up, the rice moved. It wasn't rice, it was maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28533

You deserved it

4668

Tweet

Share

By meggs2209 - 12/1/2012 20:06 - United States

Today, Dell's tech support called to tell me that the laptop I sent to them was going to cost an extra $300 to fix, because of the shattered screen. When I mailed my laptop to them, the touchpad wasn't working. The screen was fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36812

You deserved it

2934

Tweet

Share

By notfatanymore - 13/11/2011 20:50 - Germany

Today, the guy I've recently started seeing confided that he's relieved I'm on the heavier side, and that he has a thing for watching chubby women eat. I just reached my ideal weight after losing 40 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38233

You deserved it

4066

Tweet

Share

By notyourfriend - 9/9/2014 01:26 - Canada - Peterborough

Today, my horrible boss sent me a Facebook friend request for the fifth time, in her attempt to not only bother me at work, but also through social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37293

You deserved it

3435

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/2/2010 12:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I received our gas bill for about £200. My flatmate felt that this was extortionate and therefore phoned up our gas company and angrily told them to recalculate the bill. They did. We now owe £300. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28397

You deserved it

5024

Tweet

Share

By EmberLove - 17/1/2013 14:06 - United States

Today, my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend got into a fight about when my birthday is. They were both wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46309

You deserved it

5609

Tweet

Share

By Babs - 2/1/2014 13:17 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I did a bike ride and run with a gent I'm serious about. On the run, I had a big lead until he passed me up saying, "I'm going to marry you." Puzzled that he would propose and then sprint away leaving me trailing, he clarified at the finish. His words: "I'm going to bury you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42169

You deserved it

5352

Tweet

Share

By tallwoman - 18/5/2010 18:57 - Denmark

Today, I was at a concert. During the concert, my shoelaces went undone, so I bent down to tie them. Not two seconds later, the girl behind me jumped on my shoulders and refused to get down. She said "tall guys" are the best to ride on during concerts. My name is Maria. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37434

You deserved it

4081

Tweet

Share

By L - 16/10/2012 22:59 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35432

You deserved it

6835

Tweet

Share

By marie12 - 27/3/2011 01:19 - Belgium

Today, I decided to have dinner with three friends to forget about the painful break up with my boyfriend. The first friend announced that she and her boyfriend had just bought a house, the second one that he was no longer single, and the third one revealed that she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40160

You deserved it

4920

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/8/2019 22:00

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1505

You deserved it

137

Tweet

Share

By #goodbyelife - 9/12/2014 00:38 - United States

Today, my mom texted me and asked what I was up to. In response, I joked, "Dancing on the dining room table, waving dad's Calvin Klein's in the air, and shooting bullets into her bedroom floor." Not only did the cops show up, but now I'm grounded for two weeks for being, "deceptively believable." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35837

You deserved it

6153

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 00:01

Invisible Woman

Today, I accidentally overslept and missed a morning breakfast at work, one I never get to have when it happens. Not only did my boss say nothing about me being absent, he even asked me if the food was good. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1169

You deserved it

342

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/2/2011 15:47 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend told me she was bored. During sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36767

You deserved it

22571

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/3/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, I asked out my best friend via facebook graffiti. He then accidentally wrote his rejection as his status instead of on my wall. More people liked his status than the number of friends I have on facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28566

You deserved it

8662

Tweet

Share

By Caroline - 24/2/2013 09:34 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I went to the doctor to get a blood test and I started crying when I saw the needle. I planned on becoming a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28035

You deserved it

13475

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/4/2012 17:47 - United States

Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42090

You deserved it

3275

Tweet

Share

By partycats - 23/7/2009 04:40 - United States

Today, I went to a funeral. When I got there, I hugged one of the family members and he asked, "How are you?" Out of habit, I replied, "Good, how about you?" He looked appalled and shouted "How the fuck do you think I am?! My mother just died!" loud enough for everyone to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44989

You deserved it

19562

Tweet

Share

By Nic - 13/9/2016 20:16 - United States - Orlando

Today, for the first time in months, a potential employer was willing to give me a job. On my way out of the interview, I tripped over and broke a 1000 dollar glass table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11956

You deserved it

1125

Tweet

Share

By Michael - 20/9/2017 16:00

Taking the Micheal

Today, my girlfriend of 5 years confessed to cheating on me during my recent business trip. Moreover, she doesn't want to cut off contact with the other guy, because she's afraid of hurting HIS feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4571

You deserved it

307

Tweet

Share

By wtf - 31/7/2010 23:31 - United States

Today, I got married. During the reception my husband got drunk and told 200+ people that we met at a dingy bar and that we "totally banged" all night. I don't know what's worse, the fact he embarrassed me in front of everyone I know, or if it was that that was not how we met. Not even close. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42719

You deserved it

3941

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/5/2011 13:17 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67573

You deserved it

5092

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Emma Marshall | 19

#7717108 - Wednesday 31 October 2018 22:49

So he finally found the clit. Bad timing.

By Razell | 13

#7723373 - Wednesday 14 November 2018 22:19

Funny thing about the universal rules of gun safety: they apply to almost all types of gun.

COMMENTS

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7717030 - Wednesday 31 October 2018 18:28

Is it wrong to admire the accuracy of that shot? I feel bad for you, OP, but that's a shot with pinpoint accuracy, and I'm in awe.

Reply

chosha_fml | 25

#7723407 - Wednesday 14 November 2018 23:27

It’s only accuracy if that’s what he was aiming for.

Reply

chosha_fml | 25

#7723410 - Wednesday 14 November 2018 23:30

Which would make it a much worse FML.

By Emma Marshall | 19

#7717108 - Wednesday 31 October 2018 22:49

So he finally found the clit. Bad timing.

By onceuponatime456 | 16

#7723365 - Wednesday 14 November 2018 22:01

Say what? Why the hell were you mostly naked at a firing range? WTF is wrong with you?

Reply

LadyRen | 20

#7723380 - Wednesday 14 November 2018 22:27

Maybe it was her first time and she wasn’t sure what to wear.

Or she wasn’t planning on going to the store that day. They just happened to pass it or something and the husband went in.

Reply

CuffCuff | 5

#7723399 - Wednesday 14 November 2018 23:08

leggings doesn't make your mostly naked but okay

Reply

sunnyray812 | 42

#7723418 - Wednesday 14 November 2018 23:59

Leggings aren't exactly considered pants eve though they are fine to be worn by themselves, but she's far from being "mostly naked."

Reply

tiffanyhaas53 | 6

#7724955 - Sunday 18 November 2018 6:18

are you dumb? She doesn't really mean she was only wearing leggings but no shirt. I cant believe you too that literally. DUMB

By Mike Crews | 2

#7723370 - Wednesday 14 November 2018 22:12

Today, your husband should not be handling a weapon if he did that. Regardless of if it shoots bubbles. I hope it wasn't too bad. What if it were real?

By Razell | 13

#7723373 - Wednesday 14 November 2018 22:19

Funny thing about the universal rules of gun safety: they apply to almost all types of gun.

By LadyRen | 20

#7723379 - Wednesday 14 November 2018 22:26

Always have your safety on.

By bonsai | 11

#7723393 - Wednesday 14 November 2018 22:50

Hope your ok

By fjvitt | 13

#7723395 - Wednesday 14 November 2018 22:57

Look at the bright side-at least you have a husband that can find your clit.

By fjvitt | 13

#7723396 - Wednesday 14 November 2018 23:00

Takes flicking the bean” to a whole new level...

By Jeremy Phillips | 18

#7723397 - Wednesday 14 November 2018 23:04

Clitopissed