Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend... - FML

By Arielle - 31/1/2012 11:07 - Australia

Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML

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Workaholic

My body, my choice

A beautiful truck decoration

By phoneless - 17/4/2012 19:23 - Jordan

Today, I bought my first iPhone. Today, I broke my first iPhone. FML

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By zombieguyswife - 28/6/2012 23:44 - United States - Branson

Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2016 22:25 - United States - Phoenixville

Today, my college instructor told me I hadn't actually failed a big exam as he originally said. It turns out he'd mixed me up with another student. Now thanks to the power of gossip, half my class thinks I slept with him so he'd switch my grade with the other student's. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2017 08:00 - Canada - Grand Bay

Today, I thought it would be funny to mow a dick into my grandmother's lawn, but the mower leaked gasoline and now there's a giant dead grass outline. FML

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By stachattack - 23/12/2017 15:00

Today, I reassured everyone at work that the mark on my lip was just a pimple, not a cold sore. It's actually neither. I, a 21-year-old young woman, slipped while shaving my moustache and sliced off part of my lip. FML

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By PuppyPeeTimee. - 17/9/2010 06:30 - United Kingdom

Today, we were in the car with my puppy, who favours my sister. She had been sat on her lap for a while, when she stood up and climbed onto my lap. I was really pleased until she peed on me and then went straight back to my sister. FML

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By Holy Testacles - 17/10/2012 04:45 - United States

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

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By stink - 1/7/2015 02:40 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

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By Unluckyducky - 19/7/2009 10:11 - United States

Today, I received a letter in the mail stating that I had won a trip to Cancun, Mexico. It looked like a scam so I threw it away. I later found out that it was a birthday present from my cousin and the envelope also contained a check for 5 thousand dollars to help cover some expenses. FML

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By FMLdude - 18/8/2013 23:23 - Australia - Bexley

Scammed

Today, I accidentally hit an elderly man while driving. The police came, and five minutes later I was told that he confessed to walking in the middle of the road to get hit and claim compensation. He was fine, but I still got charged for hitting a pedestrian. FML

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By Noname - 28/1/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, I went into my office and told my boss that I hated my job and was quitting on the spot. I tried to leave quickly but I slipped and fell on the marble floor right in front of everybody during my exit. FML

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By crazycatlady - 4/2/2017 20:00 - United States - Charlotte

Rescue cat

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, and I had to save him. I now have a soggy cat and scratched arms. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2010 21:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mother has been seeing my maths teacher. I'm still failing his class. FML

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By rainastartree - 23/12/2013 21:10 - United States - Crum Lynne

Today, my husband and I were fighting over money. As we were arguing, our 13 year old daughter stole $250 dollars from my purse. FML

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By Tom Ali - 10/1/2012 20:50 - United States

Today, while driving to my girlfriend's house, I passed up a stop sign without stopping. A car passing by honked. I honked back several times and flipped them the finger. Turns out it was my girlfriend's dad trying to say hi. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2015 22:31 - United States

Today, while swimming in my neighborhood pool, I noticed what looked like several cigarettes resting at the bottom and decided to investigate. Turns out it was actually just a used, bloody tampon that had spent enough time underwater to be broken into multiple pieces, and spread across the pool. FML

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By Gretchen - 25/2/2011 01:56

Today, I went to see my banker. As we were finishing everything up, I leaned forward to sign something. As I went back to sit down, my 2 year old pulled the chair out from under me, and I crashed down to the floor. FML

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By apparentlytoofat - 26/4/2020 05:00

Superficial World

Today, my husband said he thinks of me as more of a roommate than a romantic interest, and he’s wouldn't be that attracted to me unless I lose another 20 pounds. I was just celebrating that I’d lost 5 pounds already in April. Stress makes it harder to lose weight. FML

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By Jack - 26/10/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

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By Lost5dollars - 8/8/2017 14:00 - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up to a bunch of missed calls from a number I didn't know. I had called an Uber in my sleep. They charged a cancellation fee. FML

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By can't wait to go home - 10/6/2016 19:18 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Today, I lost an art contest to some talentless arsepipe whose piece was literally just a broken heart crudely drawn in her own blood. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2020 02:02

What's your damage?

Today, I put my car in the garage last night so it wouldn't get damaged by a huge thunderstorm. Golf clubs fell on it while it was stowed away. FML

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By yamaha_313 - 11/8/2015 04:20 - United States - Wartburg

Today, my 82-year-old great grandfather informed me that his "peeter" still works, and that most guys his age can't say the same. FML

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By PissyPuss - 10/12/2015 21:38 - United States

Today, the bladder infection I thought I was over flared up at work, causing me to piss myself, despite having gone twice in the previous hour. I still had to finish my shift, soaked pants and all. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2011 18:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and we were just about to kiss. Until his mum walked in saying his girlfriend was at the door. I thought I was already there. FML

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By lotd - 31/7/2012 23:28 - United Kingdom - Henley On Thames

Today, as I sat down for my flight, I realised that the passenger I had to sit next to for the next seven hours was wearing a necklace made from tampon packaging. FML

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By Wells Fargo Worker - 18/5/2018 19:00

Well shit.

Today, at work, we were told by Wells Fargo that we'll be training our foreign replacements from India. After we train them, we're gone. FML

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By KKimrae_ness - 28/5/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, I found some oversized-strawberry-spree candies in my pantry. They were delicious and I munched on them through out the day. I ended up in and out, but mostly in, the bathroom in the dead hours of the night experiencing the wonders and effectiveness of Fruit Flavored Fiber pills. FML

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By iscreamforicecream - 1/6/2011 11:53 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, my girlfriend took my phone and set the ringtone to a bloodcurdling scream. I found this out when I received a call while driving to work and, thinking someone was being murdered in my backseat, I panicked and swerved into a parked car. FML

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By Ashamed - 20/4/2012 07:34 - United States - Somerville

Today, I blurted out something like "humdidumdum erm lalala" in public, attracting mystified stares. The thing is, I do this every time I remember something embarrassing I've said or done in the past, in an attempt to erase it out of my consciousness. So it happens a lot. FML

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By hustled - 24/8/2012 00:05 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I found out my girlfriend is only with me because I'm a mechanic and I fix her constantly broken-down car for free. FML

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By Goatbeard - 15/2/2011 17:13 - United States

Today, I just pulled out of the fast food drive through, only to pull right behind a septic truck. Just as I was about to dig into my food, I noticed it had a handy window about a foot round. I had a stare-down with a turd until I could pass. FML

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By Crypticbeerbelly - 11/1/2017 14:44

Today, I was reading a recipe list on my tablet. I moved a little, and one of my fat rolls came into contact with a button which closed the tab. FML

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By ledon - 16/11/2011 04:15 - Canada

Today, I kindly asked my crazy roommate to move out. She answered by stuffing raw hamburger meat down all the drains in the apartment. FML

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By SCARRED - 29/8/2014 20:15 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2019 00:01

A Different Kind of Tension

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with once before my current boyfriend. The guy told me he has chlamydia, and I should probably get tested. I had to call my boyfriend to explain what happened and tell him to get tested. I'm meeting his family this weekend at his sister's wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2013 05:30 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I helped a nice middle-aged lady pick out a sweater. She then opened her changing room door to ask for my opinion. I still don't understand why she had to take everything else off to try on a sweater. FML

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By sad_panda - 26/6/2009 19:48 - United States

Today, I asked my mother if we could test me for OCD, since so many people have suggested to me that I might have it. She smiles at me and says, "No, honey, you're just really really weird." FML

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By Ghostly - 21/7/2013 15:03 - United States - Madison

Today, while filling out paperwork at the dermatologist, it asked what color I would use to describe my skin tone. When the nurse saw I chose fair, she mumbled "Ghost is more like it." I have a severe sun allergy. FML

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By adopteddd - 28/6/2011 14:30 - United Kingdom

Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML

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Top comments

By ThatSceneKid1313 | 9

#3971765 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 15:54

At least you can keep him company now.

By iAmScrubs | 19

#3971769 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 15:55

You can sing each other love songs across the hallways. We'll call it Hospital Musical.

COMMENTS

By ThatSceneKid1313 | 9

#3971765 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 15:54

At least you can keep him company now.

Reply

DaniPandi | 22

#3971778 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 15:56

Who says they're in the same room?

Reply

NuTrees | 9

#3971782 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 15:57

Lol not really she really can't look over in his direction

Reply

flamerocker | 9

#3971837 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 16:06

Well some people fail to see how bad getting an arrow to the knee can be... I know, it was a bad joke

Reply

Damn_Hippster | 11

#3971851 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 16:11

^ don't worry, I laughed

Reply

shanemaximo | 7

#3971874 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 16:23

He really just wanted to spend time with you. His plan was executed flawlessly.

Reply

Idonebeenhad | 17

#3971965 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 17:07

I used to make arrow to the knee jokes, but then I took a fist to the face

Reply

Jamialia | 5

#3972014 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 17:20

Hey OP, I do that too!

Reply

CheckMyProfile | 17

#3972022 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 17:21

6-but same hospital, isn't it? :D

Reply

enonymous | 8

#3972125 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 18:00

The couple that bleeds together stays together

By disco2466 | 8

#3971766 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 15:54

will you go out with me?

Reply

IdfkMyUsernamexC | 5

#3971847 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 16:10

This is what you call a painful experience.

Reply

JohnnyxViet | 0

#3971878 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 16:23

apparently no one will.

Reply

dsypher | 0

#3971969 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 17:08

Wow, you want the squeamish girl

Reply

dsypher | 0

#3971977 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 17:10

Actually I just saw that she was from Australia, so thumbs up

Reply

Voldy_fml | 16

#3971990 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 17:15

No

Reply

CheckMyProfile | 17

#3972039 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 17:24

2- will you go to the hell?

Reply

disco2466 | 8

#3975419 - Wednesday 1 February 2012 9:36

no, i was asking a legit question what the hell?

By applecaketree | 0

#3971768 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 15:54

At least you can gaze lovingly at each other over the bays

Reply

EatnBeef | 7

#3971947 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 16:58

Good lord! Is the wall ok?! I hope it doesn't have a dent

Reply

Branflakes78 | 13

#3972033 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 17:23

Bays? what

Reply

CheckMyProfile | 17

#3972050 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 17:26

@33- Yeah, as the wall has more importance the human soul? :/

Reply

brunomars09 | 3

#3972439 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 19:50

#33 I love you username and your picture. c:

By iAmScrubs | 19

#3971769 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 15:55

You can sing each other love songs across the hallways. We'll call it Hospital Musical.

Reply

Spinnmaster | 1

#3971857 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 16:17

Or she could get back in the kitchen! Just kidding.. :/

By kreepers | 6

#3971773 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 15:55

This happened to my aunt as well; I guess seeing the distraught and vulnerable state your loved one is in can shake you up as well. Hope you've recovered; cheer him on to his recovery as well!

Reply

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#3972075 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 17:35

At least it didn't happen the other way round. Or questions would have been asked of his manliness...

Reply

CaptainPickles72 | 18

#3972537 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 20:24

#49- I don't know why you're thumbed-down. Most people on here would be an asshole and call him a pansy or pussy if the roles were switched and he was the one to pass out at the sight of her wound.
Yay for sexism!!

Reply

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#3974051 - Wednesday 1 February 2012 2:18

FML is full of dicks. That's why.

By MeLuvBewbs | 7

#3971794 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 15:58

Sorry for you and your boyfriend. But you will recover together!

By Pelreskovich | 11

#3971795 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 15:58

Hopefully they put y'all in the same room? At least he knows you cared enough to try and see him!

By surfnshred | 2

#3971797 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 15:58

At least you guys can share a room now

By DocBastard | 38

#3971811 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 16:00

Nice job, drama queen. Not everything has to be about you. Let your boyfriend have his moment of glory instead of you constantly being the center of attention, princess.

Reply

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#3972072 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 17:33

^ HAHAHA!!

Reply

SLEinTN | 7

#3972132 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 18:04

I scrolled down to see if you replied. Nice job!

Reply

elbia21 | 5

#3972207 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 18:27

I scrolled down to see if docbastard commented as well. I see head trauma on an fml and I think "docbastard".

Reply

amanda_d95 | 9

#3973626 - Wednesday 1 February 2012 0:34

I did the same thing, we all knew he had to be on here somewhere

By perdix | 29

#3971818 - Tuesday 31 January 2012 16:00

Fucking hospitals!

They'll stop at nothing to generate more business for themselves!

Reply

BrickWalls | 2

#3974675 - Wednesday 1 February 2012 5:24

Perdix, Your a boss. 'Nuff Said.

Reply

allard | 14

#3976237 - Wednesday 1 February 2012 14:50

Ah man.. It's like talking to a brick walls with you, isn't it?