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Submit your FML

Have you just experienced an FML moment?

Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it'll published in the next 24 hours or so.


    Remaining characters: 320

    Your story must start with “Today,” and end with “FML”. TXT language is forbidden and spelling mistakes hurt people’s eyeballs, so the use of either would result in the direct dismissal of your FML. Don’t use this space for discussions, advertising or spam, or for posting anything which isn’t an FML. Furthermore, it’s not possible to obtain badges by posting keywords, so stop believing things you’ve read on message boards. Don’t try reposting old FMLs, we’re not that daft.


    Please read our guidelines for posting

    The truth

    By xXxtwilightLUV95xXx - 08/03/2010 15:14 - United States

    Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 13 458
    You deserved it 34 834
    Share  

    Who? Where?

    By happybirthday - 06/03/2010 19:42 - United States

    Today, my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday, to match the necklace he'd spent months searching for online the previous year. What necklace? He gave me a watch he found at Walmart last year. I wonder who the lucky girl with the necklace is. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 34 244
    You deserved it 2 793
    Share  

    By drunk - 06/03/2010 07:38 - Australia

    Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 8 286
    You deserved it 41 009
    Share  

    Sorry for your loss

    By dpod121 - 04/03/2010 19:41 - United States

    Today, I got a call from my optometrist. I ignored the call, because I already knew I had my appointment tomorrow. When I listened to my messages later, I found out it was from his secretary, saying all of his appointments have been canceled due to him passing away last night. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 24 686
    You deserved it 9 293
    Share  

    By JoshuaRob - 03/03/2010 06:10 - United States

    Today, I got excited because a snowman I had built lasted a whole week, which is uncommon in my mild climate area. I thought myself lucky, and that my life was turning around. Then I realized how lame my whole train of thought was. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 23 220
    You deserved it 8 046
    Share  

    By uwbeautyqueen12 - 01/03/2010 19:15 - United States

    Today, I woke up on the floor after I fell asleep last night while counting my tips. The pennies stuck to my face and left large blue circles from the copper. The blue won't come off. I have my senior photos today. My appointment can't be rescheduled. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 28 729
    You deserved it 6 588
    Share  

    By compguy - 25/02/2010 15:39 - United States

    Today, I applied and was accepted for a part-time network engineering position. Being contract work they asked me what I charge. I replied, "$12 an hour." After a look of surprise they accepted me for the position and said, "Our last guy charged $200 an hour, you're a bargain." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 17 628
    You deserved it 34 951
    Share  

    Communication Breakdown

    By loling - 25/02/2010 09:37 - United Kingdom

    Today, I found out a guy I had a thing with a while back thinks I am obsessed with him. This is because when he said that we should be friends, I stupidly thought he was being sincere and bothered to call him all of three times in the last five months. Clearly a sign of obsession. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 30 506
    You deserved it 3 880
    Share  

    By kal - 23/02/2010 16:28 - United Kingdom

    Today, on Facebook, I joined a group called "I want our relationship to last." My boyfriend commented "I don't." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 34 714
    You deserved it 6 791
    Share  

    Duped

    By Ennui - 20/02/2010 19:12 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex. Last night, he came to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future. This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 27 486
    You deserved it 10 363
    Share  

    By creamed - 20/02/2010 17:29 - United States

    Today, the pictures from last night's party were put on Facebook. The pictures that show me getting in a drunken fight with a girl and her putting my face through the wall. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 8 078
    You deserved it 36 884
    Share  

    Friends

    By Anonymous - 17/02/2010 07:39 - United States

    Today, it's my 18th birthday. Last month was my best friend's 18th birthday. She spent the night with me, and the next morning, my mom and brother gathered in my room and sang "Happy Birthday" as they handed her pancakes with a candle on top. Today, I was woken up by screams to take the trash out. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 35 676
    You deserved it 2 631
    Share  

    By Anonymous - 14/02/2010 14:21 - United States

    Today, I realized that the "pimples" on my back weren't pimples at all. Because I was unable to see how bad they were for the last week, I never caught on to the fact the they were, in fact, ticks. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 40 273
    You deserved it 6 780
    Share  

    By xetsa - 13/02/2010 05:23 - France

    Today, I realized for the last year that my husband has been home from Iraq, I haven't gotten more than a few hours of sleep at night. Not because he gets nightmares, but because he now snores so loud that the pets sleep at the other end of the house to get rest. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 23 747
    You deserved it 3 237
    Share  

    By rashree - 13/02/2010 01:34 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my long-distance boyfriend told me that he was going to pee on me to "mark his territory." When I told him that it was disgusting, he said, "last time, I just peed on you in the shower." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 24 784
    You deserved it 3 602
    Share  

    By Stressy - 12/02/2010 11:39 - United Kingdom

    Today, in my psychology class, we were given a sheet that had a list of stressful events and we were to select the ones we had experienced in the last 12 months. I got highest in my class of above an 80% chance of getting a life threatening illness due to stress. Everyone laughed. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 28 448
    You deserved it 3 228
    Share  

    By syl - 11/02/2010 06:18 - Canada

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 25 350
    You deserved it 5 237
    Share  

    By suuuucks - 11/02/2010 05:03 - United States

    Today, I got my new work schedule. I really need the hours. The boss says he can't give me more because the economy is bad. However, he did find enough hours to hire his son last week. This week? Most of my hours were erased and given to the new employee; his daughter. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 31 477
    You deserved it 2 294
    Share  

    Caught in 404p

    By Tucker - 08/02/2010 19:29 - United States

    Today, I woke up with a hangover from last night. Last night, I snuck out and went to a party at a club. To hide my hangover, I cleaned myself up and walked into the kitchen to get a drink. My mother looked at me and said, "What's that on your wrist?" I'd forgotten I'd left the wristband on from the club. I'm already grounded. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 7 512
    You deserved it 48 626
    Share  

    By browniepoints - 07/02/2010 00:09 - United States

    Today, it dawned on me that the most romantic thing my husband has done in the last three years, was a put a wedding ring on his xbox avatar. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 29 154
    You deserved it 3 535
    Share  

    By Kelso - 06/02/2010 18:22 - United States

    Today, my mother told me that the carbon-monoxide alarm went off last night, but since she didn't smell any gas, she decided to just remove the batteries and go back to bed. I had to explain to her that you can't smell carbon monoxide, and that we could have died in our sleep. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 48 546
    You deserved it 2 540
    Share  

    By michelle - 05/02/2010 19:01 - France

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't answer his phone last night. He was hanging out with our mutual friend all night. She had been texting me all night about what great sex she was having. My boyfriend was the only person there besides her brother. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 36 493
    You deserved it 2 823
    Share  

    By Tuffgunsmoke - 04/02/2010 07:22 - France

    Today, I was at the gym and saw an old friend. I have put on a lot of muscle in the past few months, and she said to me "Wow, you've really gotten big." Just by habit I said "You too." Turns out she's gained 45 lbs since I'd last seen her. Oops. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 12 771
    You deserved it 31 573
    Share  

    By XxOx - 04/02/2010 01:18 - France

    Today, my mom is going with me for a general check-up at the doctor's office. She just told me she had a nightmare last night that she went to the doctor with me, and he told her I'm pregnant. I am pregnant. I was about to tell her. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 34 700
    You deserved it 7 731
    Share  

    By Anonymous - 03/02/2010 20:04 - United States

    Today, I walked outside, slipped, busted my head, and had to get 7 stitches. Turns out my son thought it would be funny to spray the sidewalk with water last night so it would freeze. He got a laugh, and I spent over $100 on the stitches. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 29 447
    You deserved it 2 940
    Share  

    By Anonymous - 03/02/2010 00:12 - United States

    Today, I was on Craigslist looking for a new guitar. I found the diamond earrings and necklace set I gave to my girlfriend last year. She wants 50 bucks for them. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 31 667
    You deserved it 2 577
    Share  

    By doesnttastegood - 01/02/2010 10:23 - United Kingdom

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 120 705
    You deserved it 13 976
    Share  

    By Anonymous - 31/01/2010 13:35 - Canada

    Today, I went out on my first date in 2 months. My sister and her friends were also at the same restaurant we went to. I decided to ignore them but they didn't. As a joke, they though it would be funny if her friend came up and said, "I had fun last night, we should do it again". My date left. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 36 415
    You deserved it 2 734
    Share  

    By anonymas - 29/01/2010 15:29 - Norway

    Today, I found out my dad bought an iPhone. I've spent the better part of the last six months teaching him how to check his email and online newspapers. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 24 629
    You deserved it 3 631
    Share  

    By fuuuuck - 28/01/2010 00:27 - Canada

    Today, I had a very important test. Last night, I'd had such bad leg pains that I couldn't sleep, so I took two very strong painkillers and went to sleep pain-free. I apparently accidentally overdosed, because when I woke up, I couldn't see properly or even stand up. And I missed my test. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 26 091
    You deserved it 8 735
    Share  
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    Today, I spent $500 buying my lost cat back from a jerk who thought it was his. I get home and my mom tells me that she'd sold it to the same guy for $10 because she thought the cat was ruining my love life. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 40 996
    You deserved it 6 439
    Today, I walked outside to find someone had egged my house and smashed a pumpkin onto my car. I later discovered that the perpetrator was my own 8 year old son. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 30 028
    You deserved it 5 520
    Today, I was at a baseball game. This kid in front of me had binoculars and was constantly shouting. Trying to amuse the girl next to me, I leaned over and said, "That kid probably has wet dreams about baseball." She got up and said to the kid, "Come on honey, we're leaving." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 580
    You deserved it 3 591
    Today, I was told by step-dad, who I live with, that my mom "hates my guts" while smiling so big, because he got a call from her. He's so desperate for her to come back that all the lying, cheating, manipulation, and emotional abuse doesn't push him away. She's a tornado. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 258
    You deserved it 102
    Today, I went to see a doctor due to some gastric distress I have. I came out with directions to buy a blood pressure monitor, I'm prohibited from doing sports, and have a possible diagnosis of arterial hypertension which I am way too young to have. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 054
    You deserved it 133
    Today, in an attempt to eat healthier snacks, I took an apple to work. I ate it after lunch. Now my teeth are full of bits of apple and I can't focus on my work because it's distracting. Three hours until I can get home and floss. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 171
    You deserved it 325
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