Today, I walked outside to find someone had egged my house and...

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I walked outside to find someone had egged my house and smashed a pumpkin onto my car. I later discovered that the perpetrator was my own 8 year old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29882

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5472

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Kids

Proactive

Intense

Booty pic

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom went to grab my sheets off my bed. I said that I would do it, to which she responded, "Calm down, it's not like I've never seen 'spludge' before." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34253

You deserved it

6716

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By SqueakingRetard - Canada - Barrie

Today, I was walking home from work, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. I clambered back to my feet, made it three feet, then slipped and fell again. A guy who'd witnessed the whole thing stuck his head out of his car window and yelled "Dumbasssssss!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45165

You deserved it

6175

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By fr1day - Australia

Today, it's my birthday but I had to go to work. I catch the train and I am forced to sit next to this weird smelly dude who jumps off one stop before mine. A little old lady jumps on so I shuffle over so she can sit down with ease. Upon exiting the train i notice my pants are wet with smelly dude's piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29939

You deserved it

2233

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By Anonymous - Canada - Orillia

Today, I got home to find our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbed by a Brony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29489

You deserved it

2275

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By Anonymous

Today, it's only been a week since I've been in my new apartment with my boyfriend, and I already caught him cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2104

You deserved it

182

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By AyDiosMio42 - United States

Today, I stepped on the MacBook Air I purchased 4 days ago. The screen snapped in two, and I didn't buy insurance because I promised myself I would be "extra careful." $3500 well spent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13787

You deserved it

70367

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By Ithoughtheywerenormalpeople - United States - Houston

Today, as I awoke, the sun was shining, the birds were tweeting, and police sirens were wailing at a drug bust next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43095

You deserved it

3698

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By PickedOff - United States

Far out, man

Today, I was worried about my brother because he said that his new medication was making him hallucinate. I told him he should see a doctor right away. He said it was fine and that he had already seen a doctor. I later found out the doctor he was talking about was a hallucination. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28987

You deserved it

2595

Favorite

By wowdadreally - United States - College Station

Today, while shopping with my father, I had to use the restroom. As soon as I opened the door to the men's room, my father yelled that it was the ladies' room. I then turned around and went through the other door, where I ended up getting bitch-slapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31625

You deserved it

6433

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By rune breaker

Today, I got the hiccups during an exam. I wasn't allowed to leave to get a drink of water, so I had to sit there and take my test while hiccuping violently. The teacher ended up sending me to the hall and ripping up my test for "distracting the other students". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3387

You deserved it

180

Favorite

By VerbalDiarrhea - United States

Today, after 3 hours in a cramped car with my family, we stopped at a gas station. I got out of the car and the first words out of my mouth were, "It feels so good to be able to walk!" That's when I noticed the elderly man sitting in a wheelchair only a few meters away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39895

You deserved it

12005

Favorite

By Humiliated - United States

Today, I was shaving and I sneezed unexpectedly. I ended up cutting myself so badly that I had to go to the emergency room. It wouldn't have been quite so humiliating if I hadn't been forced to show the extremely attractive doctor my sliced open and half shaved crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29735

You deserved it

5335

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59123

You deserved it

19187

Favorite

By Never Again - United States - Riverhead

Today, I went to collect my clothes out of the dryer. Thinking it would be fun for my small dog, I brought her with me. I put her down and let her sniff around while I put my clean clothes in a basket. I turned around from putting more clothes in the dyer to catch her peeing in my clean clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12281

You deserved it

4172

Favorite

By Alpheas - United States

Today, a four pound can of tuna fell on my head at work, and it burst all over my clothes. Since I'm the manager, I had to stay all day reeking of tuna. Now I'm home, my damn cat won't leave me alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33522

You deserved it

4416

Favorite

By thicklysettled - United States

Today, I was talking to the girl I've liked for 2 years. We were assigned partners for a History project so we were going to work on it at my house. When she asked me for directions, I told her I lived on Woodcock Road. She yelled slapped me and stormed off. I was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57416

You deserved it

3362

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was laying in the grass, staring into the blue sky and watching planes go by. My boyfriend snuggles down next to me; it was a sweet moment. He then told me all about how the planes above are leaving 'chem trails', and that he believes the CIA is out to mind-control us all. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38234

You deserved it

5822

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By Anon - New Zealand

Today, I was so excited to hear my phone get a message that I jumped out of my seat. It was the TV, advertising texting plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22327

You deserved it

5103

Favorite

By pookie99 - United States

Today, I went to sell my wedding rings, due to the fact that I'm getting divorced from a man who cheated on me. The jeweler informed me that the stone in my engagement ring is fake. I won't even be able to cover the divorce costs from the proceeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41583

You deserved it

5535

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By Blah - United States

Today, I had to go to my son's school for career day, I explained what a banker does and then I asked if anyone had a question, one boy raised his hand and asked "When are all the cool parents gonna come?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

58610

You deserved it

6305

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By Anonymous - United States - Persia

Today, a woman who I have spoken to approximately twice in my life, asked me out. I turned her down in the most harmless way I could. Three hours later, I found my car keyed and my windshield wipers gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24184

You deserved it

1986

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By Toothy - United States

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37898

You deserved it

49907

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24267

You deserved it

65227

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By thafinest - United States

Thanks, "Mom"

Today, I received a call from a collection agency. Since I had no clue, I was ready to file a police report for stolen identity. I then called my mom only to find out she has been opening new credit cards with my information for 3 years and not paying them. My credit is ruined and I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46182

You deserved it

2252

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By Anonymous - United States - Ridgewood

Today, I saw a homeless man on the street and decided to give him the dollar bill I had left in my wallet. He said "Thank you" then as I turned to walk away, he muttered "Cheap-ass cunt". FML

I agree, your life sucks

16016

You deserved it

1500

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that when the power goes out at my house, my family thinks you can no longer flush the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32522

You deserved it

3241

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By Anonymous - United States - Redmond

Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23295

You deserved it

4049

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By cheese123 - United States

Today, my grandmother introduced me to her friends as her 16-year-old granddaughter "who has never been kissed." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30193

You deserved it

3207

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By voyagevoyage - France - Les Montils

Today, I told my neighbor that I was going to Réunion Island on vacation in a few months. She said that she'd always wanted to go there. As a light-hearted joke, I said she should come with me. She's now booked a plane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38578

You deserved it

22615

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2020 22:02 - United States - Klawock

Ross?

Today, my wife had a dream that I was in the bath with our newborn baby. In the dream, I threw the baby out like a football. She can't get the image out of her head and won't forgive me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1130

You deserved it

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By jazthefish - United States

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13758

You deserved it

71576

Favorite

By caligirl4ever

Today, my boyfriend and I got robbed. He was so depressed about all the stuff we lost, I decided to cheer him up with a lap dance. I told him to sit on a chair. We have no furniture left. He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1877

You deserved it

447

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I reached a new low and embarrased my entire family. While in the frozen section of Walmart, I dropped to my knees and let out a horrific, agonizing scream, when I found out they were out of Strawberry Toaster Strudels. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9158

You deserved it

61227

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46516

You deserved it

4641

Favorite

By OutOfTheCloset - United States - Clifton

Today, I came out of the closet. I came out on Facebook to spare myself awkward conversations and gossip. I wrote a deeply meaningful status about my partner and my pride in who I was. The only responses were, "Lol", "Hacked", and similar remarks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33643

You deserved it

12915

Favorite

By Anonymous - Italy - Cervignano Del Friuli

Today, I found out that I won't be able to attend my own wedding, because I'll be in a mandatory training class that doesn't allow people to take vacation for any reason. So now we've wasted $10,000, and I can't even fly home for one day. All because I got promoted unexpectedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27875

You deserved it

2226

Favorite

By BadMurderer - Mexico

Today, my little 7 and 6 year old cousins came visit my family home. I heard the oldest one say that my sister was nice and pretty. Then the youngest replied "Yeah, but the older one has the face of a murderer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45876

You deserved it

3843

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By Lorena - United States - Kapolei

Today, just three days into a much-needed vacation, my 5-year-old daughter has come down with chickenpox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26983

You deserved it

3149

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By Anonymous - Australia - Auburn

Today, I saw a dick for the first time in my life, on the early morning crowded train headed for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30322

You deserved it

2827

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By anon - United States - Dallas

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to sext before going to sleep. It was very late, but I said I'd stay up for him. He sent a text asking me if I was ready. Me replying "yes" was the last thing I remember before I fell asleep on my horny boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34162

You deserved it

10394

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Top comments

By drippingfaucet | 0

#1629339 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:16

smart kid

By ugh_a_lug | 7

#1629362 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:18

he could lift a pumpkin onto your car?

COMMENTS

By drippingfaucet | 0

#1629339 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:16

smart kid

austinkarimi | 0

#1629439 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:28

Wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo.

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1629477 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:30

Wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo.

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1629524 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:35

Wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo.

kfrizzle2 | 4

#1629536 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:36

If I comment here, will my comment get changed to wee-woo's?

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1629547 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:38

Sirin, that was such a buzzkill...

Sirin_fml | 46

#1629555 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:38

No. You must not want it, or the fun disappears. Which is also my philosophy on sex.

MrNewOrleans | 0

#1629591 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:45

O #28 I see what u did there

Selena_is_back | 7

#1629685 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:09

Wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo.

katplayer | 4

#1629782 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:24

Wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo.

Joppa | 0

#1629845 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:35

Perfect halloween car for daddy.

jazmixer | 0

#1630209 - Sunday 31 October 2010 3:54

smart kid. it's not a crime to deface your own property. And
wee-ooo-wee-ooo-wee

junkboy | 4

#1630241 - Sunday 31 October 2010 4:03

Wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo.

KingDingALing | 9

#1630288 - Sunday 31 October 2010 4:17

This whole time, I thought that people were wee woo-ing on purpose... :/

Selena_is_back | 7

#1630328 - Sunday 31 October 2010 4:28

95, If you don't wee-woo, you'll be moderated like 56.

P.S. wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo.

KingDingALing | 9

#1630431 - Sunday 31 October 2010 5:11

Uh-oh..I better wee woo!

Wee woo wee woo wee woo!

I did it! :D

zp5 | 4

#1630492 - Sunday 31 October 2010 5:23

haha your 8 year old is awesome.
what? did i forget something?
oh.
wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo.
is that better?
no? why you son of a-*blacks out*
wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo.

pcakewafflebacon | 0

#1630500 - Sunday 31 October 2010 5:26

kaysl's a bitch! I mean wee woo

Selena_is_back | 7

#1630620 - Sunday 31 October 2010 5:53

why you son of a bi- *crash*!

wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo

Occums_Razor | 0

#1630668 - Sunday 31 October 2010 6:00

I get it! Sirin. Siren. Wee woo. Siren.

Wee woo wee woo wee woo.

zp5 | 4

#1630718 - Sunday 31 October 2010 6:11

i think 115 saw what i did there

Selena_is_back | 7

#1630758 - Sunday 31 October 2010 6:19

120, I did. :)

Joppa | 0

#1630776 - Sunday 31 October 2010 6:22

I wonder why mine got moderated. I only said "what a perfect car for daddy". Selena, you could be right. :D

Selena_is_back | 7

#1630799 - Sunday 31 October 2010 6:28

123, hurry! say wee-woo!!!!

P.S. wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo!

zp5 | 4

#1630833 - Sunday 31 October 2010 6:36

129 who can?

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1630836 - Sunday 31 October 2010 6:37

Maxwell!... you're home.

::cross fingers::

Joppa | 0

#1630849 - Sunday 31 October 2010 6:39

wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo

Joppa | 0

#1630866 - Sunday 31 October 2010 6:41

We'll see if 129 got moderated too. :D

wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo

Selena_is_back | 7

#1630885 - Sunday 31 October 2010 6:44

135, sure hope so. :)

Selena_is_back | 7

#1630935 - Sunday 31 October 2010 6:54

... I'm all out of magic. boo-hoo...

Selena_is_back | 7

#1630965 - Sunday 31 October 2010 7:00

Oh, and besides, it wasn't me who started the wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo thing. :P

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1631021 - Sunday 31 October 2010 7:19

Well slap my ass and call me Sally! I do say, I'm quite the waffle when it comes to this here business. I much prefer to mount my here donkey Verna.
WEE WOO fuck you.

fakeaccountX | 6

#1631041 - Sunday 31 October 2010 7:27

Wee-woo-wee-woo-wee----
C-C-C-C-Combo breaker.

OrginalOwen | 0

#1631142 - Sunday 31 October 2010 7:52

woo-wee-woo-wee-wooahh-what??

jewban | 3

#1631150 - Sunday 31 October 2010 7:53

wee woo?

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1631156 - Sunday 31 October 2010 7:54

i must say, I love what y'all have done with the place!

Fred_Fred_Burger | 0

#1631226 - Sunday 31 October 2010 8:12

dude whatever five year old is making us say wee woo

piss off.
get a life.

yuggi1 | 11

#1631258 - Sunday 31 October 2010 8:38

WEE- my eyes are burning- WOO- I think I'm having a brain hemorrhage.
x_x

stephanie0613 | 0

#1631339 - Sunday 31 October 2010 9:23

Omg, you got a smart 8 year old kid :)
aggghhhhh, cannnnnt help but,
wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo.

mitchn60 | 6

#1631611 - Sunday 31 October 2010 10:24

Sirin just had a birthday! congrats!

alex1432 | 9

#1631633 - Sunday 31 October 2010 10:30

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee woooooooooooooooooooooooooooo weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee woooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

InDenial | 6

#1631746 - Sunday 31 October 2010 11:35

WTF is going on here?

GooeyChickenman | 0

#1634172 - Monday 1 November 2010 2:11

I don't get it

drippingfaucet | 0

#1634988 - Monday 1 November 2010 7:36

wtf is with all the wee-who-wee crap I'm seriously going to moderate all these stupid comments!

By shurayuki | 0

#1629346 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:16

poor you :(

ell_oh_ell | 0

#1629751 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:21

ya I agree poor you, I wonder what he's gonna do next year?!

sloppy3301 | 3

#1629882 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:47

no . the kid probably goes to his house eggs it and says "fk u little asshole" to himself :D

Kaiden2554 | 0

#1638934 - Tuesday 2 November 2010 7:29

I guess the trick

(puts on sunglasses)

was on him.

YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!11

By KaySL | 24

#1629358 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:18

Fuck you, mom. Get off FML and bake me a fucking cake, whore.

solegit | 0

#1629380 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:20

this

swimmerstud | 7

#1629383 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:20

the woman is a man

KaySL | 24

#1629397 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:22

The mother's a crossdressing man?! D:

swimmerstud | 7

#1629497 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:33

no, u should check the gender in the corner

FYLDeep | 25

#1629510 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:34

It's funny seeing Kay mess up a detail like that. Usually your comments are on the up and up.

KaySL | 24

#1629563 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:39

Oh so it's a crossdressing woman then?

swimmerstud | 7

#1629570 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:42

u should forget the idea about a cross-dressing woman.

KaySL | 24

#1629586 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:44

Okay, if it's not a crossdressing woman, the OP must be transexual then?

an_villian | 0

#1629675 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:08

^agreed

FFML_314 | 11

#1630875 - Sunday 31 October 2010 6:42

The OP is most definitely a cross dressing sheman male woman. Don't worry Kay, I got your back.

innerexlet | 0

#1631092 - Sunday 31 October 2010 7:40

I think he's a member of the Kay Kay Kay... just look at his profile picture If that doesn't say raciest then iduno what is.

OrginalOwen | 0

#1631187 - Sunday 31 October 2010 8:02

well I am.

ArianS2 | 0

#1631239 - Sunday 31 October 2010 8:16

Fucking fail Kay.

WarByrd | 0

#1632502 - Sunday 31 October 2010 15:19

lol don't be mad, you are just a very blind, and confused lil person.... no worries, area 51 is looking for their lost pet.

KaySL | 24

#1633214 - Sunday 31 October 2010 20:21

ArianS2, the fail is with you. Jesus, people just can't help but correct others can they? Even when it's obvious they're being baited in. LOLOLOOLOLOLOL.