Miscellaneous: Today, I found out my dad bought an iPhone. I've spent the better... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 44

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 968

29/01/2010 15:29

Today, I found out my dad bought an iPhone. I've spent the better part of the last six months teaching him how to check his email and online newspapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 542

You deserved it 3 615

Walk the line

The smell detective is on the case

Hiding from the drama

22/05/2009 04:17

Today, my car died on a major road, a cop pulled over to help, he offered to jump me, while doing so because my battery was so dead he told me to put the gas on the floor, I did and my car roared to life, he then pulled me over five feet from where my car died to give me a ticket for a loud exhaust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 176

You deserved it 5 438

30/01/2015 16:27

Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I noticed my boyfriend had commented on a post. It said, "Tag the hottest girl you know". Yeah, he tagged his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 968

You deserved it 3 094

16/05/2013 04:31

Today, I found out that my cell phone bill was much higher than normal. After investigating, I realized that a text conversation I had with my stalker, telling him multiple times not to contact me anymore, was to an international cell phone. I have to pay to be stalked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 399

You deserved it 6 436

Fundies and the truth

By Kyle - 19/04/2021 20:00

Today, I was told by both my parents that I was going to hell and had a “terrorist mentality” because I said our archdiocese deserves to go bankrupt from all their abuse cases. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 73

20/10/2012 15:10

Today, my sister-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer. My mother then confided in me that she suspected it was a prank to get more money from our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 858

You deserved it 1 726

12/03/2016 05:29

Today, I was using the urinal at work when an old guy started using the one next to mine. All of a sudden, he used that Ghostbusters' line, "Cross the streams!", and tried to pee into my urinal. I had to wait 4 hours in pee-drenched shoes until my shift was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 776

You deserved it 1 282

12/06/2016 10:00

Today, the girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks lost her mind and yanked my car's e-brake while we were on the highway. Why? Because I said I wasn't really interested in having kids. Guess I'll cross that relationship off as a "hell no". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 208

You deserved it 2 144

No balls activity

By Anonymous - 16/12/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, my right testicle popped out during gym class while we were running laps. The teacher saw it and said, “Put that thing away! There aren’t any balls involved in this activity!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 650

You deserved it 626

18/06/2009 13:05

Today, we were having a school prize giving. I heard my name called and I walked up to the stage waving and smiling, feeling rather proud of myself. I stood by the microphone and started my acceptance speech, only to be tapped on the shoulder by the girl they actually called up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 748

You deserved it 47 761

Great deal

By Depressed - 04/08/2011 11:45

Today, I arrived in Africa to start my new job. I agreed to come to a city with little to no electricity, and poor water for triple the money I was making in Canada. I just realized my boss and I negotiated in two completely different currencies, and I'm now making half of what I used to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 366

You deserved it 41 248

06/03/2012 08:57

Today, I got up at 4:30 am, went to my job as the newspaper guy. Nobody was there to open the door, it was raining and I was freezing. I decided to wait, because I really wanted my salary. At 6 o'clock my boss opens the door and says, "Oh, it's you. Well, you're fired. We can't pay you anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 215

You deserved it 2 057

28/11/2015 12:21

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train looked like he was about to be sick. I quickly handed him the nearest bag I could find, a bag full of my lunch for that day. Safe to say he held nothing back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 501

You deserved it 3 530

03/12/2013 17:33

Today, my 4-year-old daughter stood up to a bully in the mall. I was the one who was getting bullied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 574

You deserved it 8 802

07/05/2013 07:29

Spicy

Today, my nose started running while in bed with my boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with my arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck, his shirt, and his silk sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 058

You deserved it 13 419

12/05/2014 14:38

Today, three different strangers stopped me on the street and asked if I was Brad Pitt. Either there's some kind of conspiracy going on, or I'm the world's ugliest woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 388

You deserved it 5 498

Mystery

By oof! - 09/08/2021 17:59

Today, after taking him to two different neurological specialists, a pediatric ophthalmologist, an inner ear specialist, and a therapist, I’ve spent thousands of dollars just to come to the conclusion that my son is just hopelessly clumsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 120

Anxious

By James - 16/04/2020 08:00

Today, I began worrying I have social anxiety, all because while getting dressed I convinced myself that everyone would talk about me behind my back if I wore a striped shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 315

14/04/2015 08:33

Spicy

Today, I went to feed my neighbors' chickens while they were on vacation. I noticed the TV on inside, so I peeked in to see if the place was being messed with. Guess who found the neighbor home early, fully naked, and jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 653

You deserved it 4 052

28/01/2012 15:46

Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 717

You deserved it 2 537

11/02/2009 05:24

Today, my boyfriend started affectionately calling me "Burt Reynolds" because I wax my upper lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 860

You deserved it 5 446

12/10/2009 13:21

Today, I won 10,555 dollars on scratch cards! My sister got me to do a happy dance and filmed it. The video is on facebook and the tickets were fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 160

You deserved it 7 956

13/04/2017 02:00

Today, someone in Fedex typo'd "KZ" for "NZ" and sent our fencing weapons to Kazakhstan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 391

You deserved it 245

14/10/2014 05:17

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 454

You deserved it 5 122

03/11/2015 20:04

Today, I found out the only reason my boyfriend of two years asked me out on a date was because I accidentally flashed him when we met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 346

You deserved it 2 987

07/10/2010 06:29

Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 257

You deserved it 16 322

28/10/2008 15:57

Spicy

Today, my little brother, who is 11, explained to me how babies are made. I’m 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 773

You deserved it 18 856

07/10/2014 16:06

Today, my little sister decided the best way to cheat on a test is to take someone else's test, scratch through their name in pencil, and write her name underneath. She starts high school next semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 127

You deserved it 3 351

23/02/2012 23:52

Today, I came back from a holiday and the friend who'd been looking after my cats returned my spare key. When I wanted to put some relaxing music on, I noticed that he'd switched most of my CDs around in their cases. I have over a thousand of them. Very funny, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 306

You deserved it 4 562

10/03/2009 17:13

Today, I was sitting in Science class and to my surprise I felt my pants suddenly becoming warm and wet. I looked behind me to see that 4 boys from my class had inserted a small funnel into my exposed buttcrack and where pouring the melted butter from the experiment into that area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 820

You deserved it 29 800

01/11/2010 13:14

Today, I spent over $160 and 2 hours preparing for a Halloween party I was throwing. The only person who showed up was my sister, who helped me decorate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 067

You deserved it 4 298

25/07/2016 04:17

Today, I found my dad on a dating website looking for younger girls. My mother and father are "happily" married, well according to her Facebook profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 814

You deserved it 1 504

09/02/2019 02:00

Today, I had a dream where I was imagining myself hooking up with a really hot girl. Not a sex dream. A dream where I was sitting in a room alone and imagining myself hooking up with this really hot girl. Even in my dreams I can only imagine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 170

You deserved it 234

23/12/2013 01:51

Today, my boyfriend got us kicked out of the Apple store for getting into a heated argument with the guy at the Genius Bar about which video game avatar is hotter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 910

You deserved it 5 278

30/08/2019 20:00

Today, I saw a message on my boyfriend's phone from one of his friends, saying I was a downgrade from his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 178

21/03/2012 17:10

Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 326

You deserved it 2 336

14/06/2012 14:54

Today, I found out that my wife and two teenage daughters' periods are all one week after the other. I am living in hell almost every single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 104

You deserved it 4 715

01/07/2015 18:56

Spicy

Today, my dad texted me, saying "My dicks so hard 4 u". I'm desperately hoping he meant to send that to his girlfriend instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 730

You deserved it 2 473

20/03/2012 11:57

Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 555

You deserved it 2 825

22/08/2014 22:18

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 190

You deserved it 49 490

16/05/2012 04:43

Today, I discovered that my acne glows yellow and orange under black lights while in front of a wall of them at a club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 340

You deserved it 2 691

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Friday 29 January 2010 20:17

I think OP means it's going to take alot longer than six months to teach their dad how to use an iPhone.

ZoeeC 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 20:40

I understand, OP spent 6 months teaching him to use his email and look at online newspapers (which is a pretty basic thing to do) so will now have to spend ages teaching him how to use his iPhone.

Comments

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Friday 29 January 2010 20:17

I think OP means it's going to take alot longer than six months to teach their dad how to use an iPhone.

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Friday 29 January 2010 20:18

...and? its not much of a FML

a1s 3

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 18:05

It is for some of us. (working at the IT help-desk is a paying job that ends at 5pm, helping you relatives with technology is pretty much a 24/7 deal with questionable benefits.) The trick is to keep a positive mindset, If you're under 18 this would score you might score you some brownie points (yeah, right), if on the other hand you are in college it's a nice shared activity (provided you don't use the classical definition of "nice")

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Friday 29 January 2010 20:18

now you can show him how to use his phone!

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Saturday 30 January 2010 4:44

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Saturday 30 January 2010 5:04

and you live in your mother's basement.

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Saturday 30 January 2010 12:52

^win

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Sunday 31 January 2010 2:23

x) hahahh ^^

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Sunday 31 January 2010 6:51

Lmao :)

nobridgejustwate 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 20:19

hmm, I don't see this as an fml, really. I have an iPhone and it's really user-friendly. I'm on it right now. it won't take long to teach him that.

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:06

i have five minutes after i bought it i knew how to use

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Friday 29 January 2010 20:19

Your dad caught the technology bug, and thinks an iPhone would be fun to have. He used his money to pay for it (I assume). I wouldn't expect my dad to buy me an iPhone. They're expensive and the monthly plans too aren't cheap.

CupCakeGirl101 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 2:41

um big woop call the geek squad!

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Friday 29 January 2010 20:22

meh, my dad still thinks DOS is easier to use than a mac...

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Friday 29 January 2010 21:37

If you know your way around a text-based OS, it is!

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Sunday 11 March 2012 15:17

Just because you guys are talking about that I will give you a cookie.

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Friday 29 January 2010 20:22

My mom doesn't know anything about computers or the latest electronics, but has no trouble navigating through my iPhone and its apps. Its really simple and you aren't giving your dad much credit for that. Alot of older people don't bother with computers.

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Friday 29 January 2010 20:25

The real FML is having an iPhone. Get something that can multitask and isn't crippled with Apple's DRM like an HTC HD2

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Friday 29 January 2010 20:29

The Iphone CAN multitask, dipshit.

pleasenopuffin 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 20:40

not really.

DreamerofWorlds 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 20:44

Since when can the iPhone multitask?

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Friday 29 January 2010 21:16

since jailbreaking came arround.

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Friday 29 January 2010 22:58

Yes, the iPhone can multitask. I am running the FML app, Facebook, Mail, Beejive IM, and Safari, all at the same time. It can multitask.

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Saturday 30 January 2010 21:09

Have fun if it ever breaks and you send it to apple and they keep it / don't fix it cuz it's jailbroken!

helo2 0

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Friday 29 January 2010 20:26

lmao this sucks

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Friday 29 January 2010 20:27

anonymous * I think the fml here could be because the OP wants an iPhone ?

perdix 29

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Friday 29 January 2010 20:28

Well, now he is probably ready to move on to online porn. I wish I could be there as you lecture your dear, old dad on the subtle differences between blowjobs, facials, cumshots and bukkake. I hope he is not too dense to grasp that a MILF can also be a BBW, but doesn't have to be.

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Friday 29 January 2010 20:31

I bestow upon you the most delicious Internet cookie ever baked. Enjoy it, it has a creamy filling!

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Friday 29 January 2010 21:43

Change your icon to Carlos Mencia. Now that would be funny.

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Friday 29 January 2010 22:22

Let's skip the cookies, and get straight to the Internet Cream Pie.

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Saturday 30 January 2010 6:47

Would a pearl necklace be more to your liking? *wink* *wink* *nudge*