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Submit your FML

Have you just experienced an FML moment?

Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it'll published in the next 24 hours or so.


    Remaining characters: 320

    Your story must start with “Today,” and end with “FML”. TXT language is forbidden and spelling mistakes hurt people’s eyeballs, so the use of either would result in the direct dismissal of your FML. Don’t use this space for discussions, advertising or spam, or for posting anything which isn’t an FML. Furthermore, it’s not possible to obtain badges by posting keywords, so stop believing things you’ve read on message boards. Don’t try reposting old FMLs, we’re not that daft.


    Please read our guidelines for posting

    The truth will set you free

    By Imnotfromhere - 29/08/2021 23:01

    Today, I told my mom I was with my female friend last night, because I wasn't ready to tell her about my new boyfriend. I didn't realize he gave me a hickey and now my whole family thinks I'm a lesbian. They won't stop making fun of me. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 468
    You deserved it 1 059
    Share  

    Fred Durst stan

    By Deaf Biscuit - 26/08/2021 20:01

    Today, my neighbour across the street has entered his ninth consecutive hour of playing Limp Bizkit at full blast. The only thing overriding my concern for his mental health is my sheer surprise that they have 9 hours of original music. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 929
    You deserved it 107
    Share  

    Ticket to ride

    By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 22:01

    Today, I was in a bus headed to another city and fell asleep as did everyone else. I must've woken up last, because I half-snorted as I woke up and everybody heard. Now we’re on a coffee break and I can see them all snicker about it outside. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 736
    You deserved it 167
    Share  

    For better and for worse

    By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 20:01

    Today, my husband decided he was finally going to quit his job. We literally bought a house last week. His job is/was easy, with pay way above his qualifications. After we'd talked about it FOR THE 50TH TIME, he did the opposite and texted the dept. head that he hates the company and wants to be part time at most. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 094
    You deserved it 138
    Share  

    Ten years, going strong

    By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 14:00

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, it's the 10th anniversary of the last time I had sex, and that was a drunk pity shag down an alley that lasted less than 30 seconds, due to me getting my period and his whiskey dick. Since then, all my sexual encounters have included the internet and rechargeable batteries. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 278
    You deserved it 360
    Share  

    Still holding a candle

    By Anonymous - 21/08/2021 22:00

    Today, it's been two years since a club trip where I met someone who, for the first and last time in my life of crippling self hatred and depression, I actually believed might like me back. It's also been two years since I heard anything from him, despite him promising to keep in touch. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 772
    You deserved it 218
    Share  

    Take it easy

    By Anonymous - 21/08/2021 16:01

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 486
    You deserved it 1 902
    Share  

    Chainsaw

    By Anonymous - 21/08/2021 08:01 - United Kingdom

    Today, after a very poor night's sleep, I've had to stay awake and do housework while my husband, who slept like a baby last night, keeps on sleeping because he "didn't sleep well." He was snoring all night long, the reason I didn't sleep well. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 965
    You deserved it 141
    Share  

    Extreme dating

    By umm yeah no! - 20/08/2021 13:59

    Today, I had to have a serious talk with my new girlfriend about her terrible hygiene. In the two weeks we’ve been dating, she admitted to only having showered "once or twice." She doesn’t see a problem with this, even though the first (and last) time she came to my place, she smelled like death. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 503
    You deserved it 272
    Share  

    Denied

    By bl4ckk4t - 19/08/2021 00:01 - Australia - Morwell

    Today, the guy I've been dating online for the last year and who I'm madly in love with blocked me. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 883
    You deserved it 286
    Share  

    Romance is dead

    By xlees - 18/08/2021 16:01 - New Zealand

    Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went back to Germany. He lovingly said to me, "I will never find another girl like you. Unless I rip off her leg and tear out her eye." I’m an amputee, and was born with a blind eye. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 143
    You deserved it 770
    Share  

    Last to know

    By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 10:01 - United States - Floral Park

    Today, I finally found out what happened to my ex-girlfriend from my high school days, since a few years ago she suddenly stopped using social media and never returned my texts or calls to see how she was doing. Turns out she died, and no one bothered to inform me. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 323
    You deserved it 114
    Share  

    Libido says no

    By Anonymous - 16/08/2021 06:01 - United Kingdom - Norwich

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I discovered my girlfriend of 5 years would rather split up than make any shred of effort to revive her utterly dead libido from the last 2 years. She promised the whole past month to make an effort, before admitting she never gave a shit when my patience with her ran out. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 984
    You deserved it 827
    Share  

    What a banker

    By Norse_Freyja - 16/08/2021 04:01 - United States - Conroe

    Today, my husband and I went to the bank to figure out why our loan process has been such a pain in the ass, and why we can never get in contact with our lender. The bank said he quit last week. Guess he didn't think to tell anyone. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 118
    You deserved it 80
    Share  

    My new friends

    By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 18:01 - Germany - Dresden

    Today, on a camping trip, where it’s raining, I'm suddenly popular. With whom? With slugs! I found one in my shoe, one in my bag, two in my cooking pot and the last one I grabbed – surprise! - on the backside of my coffee mug, which was inside the bag, on the bike. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 984
    You deserved it 110
    Share  

    Dogshit code

    By Gunaditya Tripathi - 14/08/2021 10:01 - India

    Today, one of my colleagues was asked to rewrite an entire project, which I wrote last week. I'd spent more than 4 days writing it. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 789
    You deserved it 178
    Share  

    That's hard

    By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 04:01

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend presented me with his cock with a ribbon on it. Basically, HE wanted sex for MY birthday and had the nerve to accuse me of being ungrateful. For his birthday last month, I gave him multiple Xbox games. He couldn’t even be bothered to get me flowers. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 925
    You deserved it 273
    Share  

    Tell us more

    By kateannobrien - 11/08/2021 20:01

    Today, my birthday was terrible yet again. This year, my boyfriend skipped celebrating with me at all. Last year, he guilt-tripped me about ‘having’ to spend time with me and got me two gift certificates that were unusable due to COVID. These weren’t even my worst birthdays to date. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 911
    You deserved it 210
    Share  

    Get vaccinated

    By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 04:00

    Today, two patients died. Both had Covid. I'm still trying to deal with the issues last year left me with and we're right back in the same place. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 014
    You deserved it 188
    Share  

    Unreasonable

    By Dano - 07/08/2021 10:01

    Today, I was fired from my job for not buying a pack of cigarettes for my boss. I only lasted two months in that junkyard. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 886
    You deserved it 98
    Share  

    Cruel

    By Gayafnow - 02/08/2021 02:01

    Today, my sister outed me to my very conservative parents as retaliation for not taking her to get McDonald’s at 2 a.m. last night. My mom gave me an ultimatum, either "stop the lesbian shit" or get the fuck out of her house. My sister smirked through the whole thing. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 620
    You deserved it 212
    Share  

    Blood is thicker than a dollar bill

    By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 00:01

    Today, I woke up and wished I hadn’t. I’m broke, tired, hungry and sick of my family, who is rich by the way, not even contributing a penny to help me from being evicted. Oh, and I lost my job last week. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 811
    You deserved it 475
    Share  

    Inebriated utterances

    By Brenden Alistair Maye - 30/07/2021 01:59

    Today, after the girl I fell head over heels for asked me out last night, it turns out she was so drunk at the time, she doesn't remember and doesn't want to date me at all. I'm beginning to feel like my life is some shitty movie. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 946
    You deserved it 122
    Share  

    Don't know, don't care

    By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 00:01

    Today, I realised that if I died, no one would care. I know this because when I called my partner distressed last night, he told me he needed to sleep and hung up in less than 45 seconds, and a friend told me to call lifeline. I haven’t heard from either of them since. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 138
    You deserved it 218
    Share  

    Not gonna happen

    By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 08:01

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my wife and I are supposed to be trying for another baby. We've tried once in the last 7 weeks. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 041
    You deserved it 190
    Share  

    Heavy sleeper

    By PolarBear2020 - 27/07/2021 21:58

    Today, maintenance was supposed to come in to replace my broken washer. I worked late last night until 4 AM, and then dozed off. I slept so soundly that they managed to enter the apartment, haul away the broken washer, and install the new one, all while I was fast asleep in the next room. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 812
    You deserved it 228
    Share  

    Headshot

    By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 14:01

    Today, I was putting on my sweatpants and accidentally stepped on the elastic drawstring. I moved my foot. The string snapped upward with great speed and hit me in my open eye. My eyeball is not happy with me. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 837
    You deserved it 128
    Share  

    Holy smokes

    By Anonymous - 24/07/2021 18:01

    Today, I’m down to my last, partially snapped cigarette. I carefully taped it back together, enough for at least half a smoke. I then snapped it completely while opening the door to go outside and smoke it. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 322
    You deserved it 1 241
    Share  

    Revenge is sweet yogurt

    By Doomed - 24/07/2021 14:02 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my coworker made up a story about me “sexually harassing” her and filed a complaint to my boss. All because I took the last plastic spoon from the breakroom, and she couldn’t eat her yogurt. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 316
    You deserved it 99
    Share  

    My husband the shitgibbon

    By NotYetThanks - 23/07/2021 00:01

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, three weeks after a traumatic emergency cesarean section, my husband keeps sulking because sex is the literal last thing I want right now. The fact that my body is still sore and healing is apparently irrelevant when he is horny. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 2 030
    You deserved it 199
    Share  
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    Today, my father got out of rehab for his alcoholism. This would be great if he hadn't started drinking the moment he got home. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 11 948
    You deserved it 714
    Today, my grandkids went around my house claiming items to inherit. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 54 673
    You deserved it 4 115
    Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 33 083
    You deserved it 3 881
    Today, my boss told me he suspected his wife was cheating on him. I told him to pull up her Facebook page to look for suspicious activity. I looked at her profile picture and said, "Damn, that girl next to her fine! You know her?" It was his sixteen year-old daughter. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 8 950
    You deserved it 40 246
    Today, my entire family is giving me the cold shoulder, including my parents, for not going to my sister's wedding. No one seems to care her new husband bullied me so badly in high school that I still need medication for my anxiety 15 years after graduating. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 4 811
    You deserved it 441
    Today, I learned that the landlord tenant act does not apply since I'm living in the same house as my landlord. She's making my life a living hell and breaking my things. I still have 3 months left in the contract. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 799
    You deserved it 225
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