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Submit your FML

Have you just experienced an FML moment?

Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it'll published in the next 24 hours or so.


    Remaining characters: 320

    Your story must start with “Today,” and end with “FML”. TXT language is forbidden and spelling mistakes hurt people’s eyeballs, so the use of either would result in the direct dismissal of your FML. Don’t use this space for discussions, advertising or spam, or for posting anything which isn’t an FML. Furthermore, it’s not possible to obtain badges by posting keywords, so stop believing things you’ve read on message boards. Don’t try reposting old FMLs, we’re not that daft.


    Please read our guidelines for posting

    So many questions

    By Anonymous - 24/03/2021 13:59

    Today, I work at the DMV. My ex-husband’s sister came in for a last name change. When I looked at the marriage license and her other documents, it was revealed that she was never his sister. My ex-husband is now her husband. Now I understand why they always spent time alone together. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 2 123
    You deserved it 138
    Share  

    New Man

    By Hrothebert - 20/03/2021 02:00

    Today, my widowed mother told me she's been seeing a guy for the last 5 months. No problem. But now she insists on calling him, "New Daddy." I'm 37 and she lives across the street. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 001
    You deserved it 99
    Share  

    Stabbed!

    By Sarah - 19/03/2021 23:01 - United Kingdom

    Today, I had to convince policemen I’m not a victim of domestic abuse after I had to go to hospital for a stab wound for the second time since Xmas. I’m just hopelessly clumsy. I managed to stab myself with a screwdriver while opening a paint tin. Last time, it was a knitting needle while knitting Xmas jumpers. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 969
    You deserved it 197
    Share  

    Spooked

    By Anonymous - 18/03/2021 08:01

    Today, I found out that the loud "firecrackers" I heard the night before were actually shotgun blasts by my neighbor murdering his girlfriend. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 713
    You deserved it 93
    Share  

    Haircut, haiiiiiirccuuuuuut

    By Shrek - 16/03/2021 20:01

    Today, after we went and spent $30 to get our two youngest boys hair cut last weekend, they snuck my beard trimmer and had a go at doing it themselves. Guess whose heads are buzzed now. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 821
    You deserved it 187
    Share  

    Use your socks

    By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 05:01 - Norway

    Today, I accidentally dropped a whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet. It was my last roll. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 954
    You deserved it 224
    Share  

    First time

    By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 00:30 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I had sex for the first time. I realised that I was more satisfied by last night's dinner. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 198
    You deserved it 266
    Share  

    Marriage doesn't solve anything

    By Anonymous - 12/03/2021 17:00

    Today, my wife told me how she really felt about me, and said she didn't love me anymore. We got married last month. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 309
    You deserved it 145
    Share  

    No Future

    By Notgoodenough - 11/03/2021 23:01

    Today, my ex-boyfriend, who lived in Tennessee, moved to Georgia to be with his long-distance girlfriend. I live in Georgia too, and last year he broke up with me after two years together because he “didn’t see a future in Georgia” to be with me. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 115
    You deserved it 158
    Share  

    Deadlines whooshing by

    By Anonymous - 11/03/2021 21:30 - United States - Putney

    Today, my Computer Science professor posted an assignment that's due right before our Monday class… on Monday morning. I wouldn't have even thought to check for assignments this morning if he hadn't done the same thing last week. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 014
    You deserved it 88
    Share  

    Alexa, play "What difference does it make?" by The Smiths

    By tarah - 10/03/2021 21:30

    Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after finding out my parents are divorced. Same reason my last three girlfriends broke up with me. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 241
    You deserved it 144
    Share  

    Weirdo cousin

    By notyourbaby - 07/03/2021 19:58

    Today, I found out my cousin stole my used pregnancy test and ultrasound pictures the last time she came to visit, and tried to fake a pregnancy. This was two years ago when she stayed at my house. I just found out I'm pregnant again, and guess who just asked to come to stay and "visit"? FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 304
    You deserved it 109
    Share  

    Help needed

    By Anonymous - 04/03/2021 22:56

    Today, I've been asking for help to close up store for the last 7 months, at the height of a global pandemic. My boss's excuse for no help? Joe Biden and the government is keeping everyone who would earn 10 dollars an hour from working, because they are all lazy. Joe wasn't president 7 months ago. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 904
    You deserved it 160
    Share  

    Men and their balls

    By Anonymous - 02/03/2021 05:01

    Today, five years after the birth of our last child, my husband still hasn't gotten the vasectomy he swore he would get. He wouldn't let me get my tubes tied, because it was "the least he could do," but when I ask about it, I'm a nag. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 471
    You deserved it 212
    Share  

    Missing the one

    By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 17:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

    Today, I had a dream where I was with my last girlfriend, from five years ago. Nothing dirty. Just leaning on each other, talking, and smiling. Woke up and felt like she was really here, and now I miss her as much as when she had to leave the country. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 068
    You deserved it 134
    Share  

    Animal lover

    By fml9124 - 01/03/2021 02:00

    Today, my 14 year-old daughter threatened to run away. Why? We live in southern Arizona. In the last week, she's found a dead tarantula and a live scorpion in her bedroom. In a couple of weeks it will be rattlesnake season. She's not liking the desert much anymore, where even the plants want to hurt you. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 966
    You deserved it 500
    Share  

    Hi uncle, I'm dad

    By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 00:30

    Today, I found out I'm an uncle. Normally this would be great news, except I have spent the last 8 years thinking I was her father. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 2 041
    You deserved it 76
    Share  

    Put a tiger in your tank

    By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 08:01

    Today, a stray cat climbed up into my car's engine for shelter at some point last night. Guess how I found out this morning. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 995
    You deserved it 103
    Share  

    Unreasonable

    By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 17:01 - United States - Minneapolis

    Today, my father-in-law decided to disown myself and his son, because my husband decided to hyphenate his last name. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 897
    You deserved it 291
    Share  

    Too much meat on my hands

    By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 07:58

    Today, despite being utterly depressed, I thawed 7 kilos of raw meat, in order to put it through the meat grinder. Not only did my mom forget to clean certain parts of the meat grinder after last using it, she also seems to have lost another part, without which the machine doesn't work. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 911
    You deserved it 138
    Share  

    Marriage going well is it?

    By Long sufferer - 21/02/2021 02:01

    Today, at 5:30 a.m., my wife woke me to order milk for our business because she forgot to do so last night. She then chewed me out for doing it there and then, waking her up. I'm apparently useless, always complaining and in a bad mood about the most mundane things. What? FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 216
    You deserved it 130
    Share  

    Blast from the past

    By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 23:01

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I found a USB stick my husband was hiding. I checked and it had hundreds of pictures of girls from porn sites and Instagram. That wasn’t the issue. Hidden in those pictures was a pic of his ex-girlfriend, with whom he has not been with past 8 years. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 101
    You deserved it 285
    Share  

    Get out while you still can

    By Bullet dodged - 20/02/2021 01:59 - United Kingdom

    Today, my fiancée called off our wedding out of the blue. After a long discussion about it, it turns out that last week I voiced an opinion about the wedding she didn’t agree with, and doesn’t want to spend her life married to someone who’s going to argue with her every five minutes. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 265
    You deserved it 163
    Share  

    We're all in hell

    By Looking4AnApartment - 16/02/2021 21:30 - United States - Bellmore

    Today, it's the third day in a row my roommate has woken me up with blasting music, after keeping me up late listening to him screaming into his Xbox headset. His kids ate the last of my food. I can't even take a shit without one of them barging in. His whole fucking family is a walking condom commercial. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 050
    You deserved it 166
    Share  

    Do me a solid

    By Anonymous - 15/02/2021 20:01

    Today, and for the last six months, I've been on a medication that greatly improves the main symptoms of my chronic illness. Too bad it also gives me chronic diarrhea. I feel much better and can function better than I have since my teens, but I haven't taken a solid dump in half a year. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 033
    You deserved it 95
    Share  

    Sounds fishy

    By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 11:01

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I told my wife I wasn’t comfortable with her going out with an old guy friend. Petty, sure, but our sex life is non-existent. I found out that she's been seeing him behind my back for months, spent the night with him last week and claims there’s nothing going on. Trying to decide whether I should stay or go. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 2 378
    You deserved it 224
    Share  

    That's a funny word, mom

    By Anonymous - 12/02/2021 07:59 - United States - Oakland

    Today, I wanted to teach my students about history with dominoes. I thought the online video would be wholesome or relevant to history. Nope. The last domino was captioned "HENTAI." Students now get to explain to their parents that I exposed the word Hentai to their vocabulary. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 358
    You deserved it 938
    Share  

    Judge and jury

    By ToxicSiren - 06/02/2021 14:01

    Today, I posted a picture to Snapchat about being depressed. My close friend, who I share most things with, made fun of my post. That's the last time I share anything with her. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 842
    You deserved it 204
    Share  

    At last

    By Anonymous - 04/02/2021 20:01

    Today, on the third of February, my mom finally relented and let us take the Christmas decorations down. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 781
    You deserved it 123
    Share  

    Need warmth

    By LockedDown - 04/02/2021 08:03 - United States - Vancouver

    Today, due to the pandemic and living alone, I finally had some physical human contact for the first time in six months for my dental checkup. Which was also the last contact I had almost a year ago. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 822
    You deserved it 119
    Share  
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    Today, my class went for a hike through the woods near our school to destress during finals. While walking downhill towards the edge of the lake, I tripped and tumbled down the hill, and ended up diving head first into the lake. I had to hike back to the school soaking wet. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 12 702
    You deserved it 1 277
    Today, I gave a talk in my management class about creating effective presentations and holding people's attention. Go figure, pretty much nobody paid any attention. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 18 198
    You deserved it 3 354
    Today, I went to my friend's house to give him some moral support as he came out of the closet to his family. I left with a black eye. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 46 635
    You deserved it 6 300
    Today, I was at the airport getting ready to go to Hawaii. The guy at the counter said my flight was delayed. It turns out that the flight that was delayed was a flight going to Miami. My flight left at the regular time, and my luggage was on it, because I checked in the night before. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 31 505
    You deserved it 3 750
    Today, I dreamt I had a secret admirer whom I met in person. She had red hair, a plus size body and a beautiful smile. This would've been great if it weren't for the fact I was a straight woman. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 762
    You deserved it 399
    Today, I arranged a date with a girl online I really get along with, because frankly we both have a filthy sense of humour and love sexting. At the date, it turns out she’s deaf, which is not a problem, but she brought her sister as an interpreter. Without our usual conversation, it was just painfully awkward. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 915
    You deserved it 147
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