In whose handwriting were the words Top Secret written? Yours? If there's nothing on the stick, it may have been downloaded into you. You may have been digitally stimulated. You should get a pregnancy test. Get one that detects the Robot Apocalypse! And get yourself to a Cat AA meeting -- your drinking problem seems less bad than the cat who steals $500 whiskey.

It seems like you took kunoichi (female ninja) training the day before. Check whether the USB stick doesn't contain your degree as a secret file, because that seems like the way they'd be sending it to you. P.S.: watch out for possible infections, since duct tape isn't very clean and some of the glue might have leaked. The best thing to do is probably to give a quick call to your Ob/Gyn to check with them and during your next shower have a good rub down there with some appropriate soap (not regular one, as it destroys the microbiome and might cause other infections).

it sounds like a funny story but... no. Keep your alcohol under control, it's not supposed to be like this.

Or switch back to water, maybe? Same color, trick your brain.

Jeez, Black Widow, you should never have quit the Avengers...

Or you need to stop drinking entirely and deal with your issues instead of drowning them in alcohol. I know it's difficult, but trust me, alcohol will only make your problems worse.

Did you go into properties and click "show hidden files"