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Submit your FML

Have you just experienced an FML moment?

Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it'll published in the next 24 hours or so.


    Remaining characters: 320

    Your story must start with “Today,” and end with “FML”. TXT language is forbidden and spelling mistakes hurt people’s eyeballs, so the use of either would result in the direct dismissal of your FML. Don’t use this space for discussions, advertising or spam, or for posting anything which isn’t an FML. Furthermore, it’s not possible to obtain badges by posting keywords, so stop believing things you’ve read on message boards. Don’t try reposting old FMLs, we’re not that daft.


    Please read our guidelines for posting

    News from the dating scene

    By Back to my shell I go - 01/03/2022 10:00 - Australia

    Today, I realised that the first guy I've dated in five years has ghosted me. It took a lot for me to agree to go on a couple of dates with him, and I thought they went really well. Apparently not, seeing as it's been over two weeks since he last texted. Self confidence = shattered. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 971
    You deserved it 154
    Share  

    Consideration

    By Anonymous - 27/02/2022 02:00

    Today, my ex referred to missing my last two weekends with my daughter as an example of my typical unreliable parenting. I was in hospital after a drug addict stabbed me in the intestines with a broken glass bong, used to smoke god only knows what, but sure, it’s typical me behaviour. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 608
    You deserved it 185
    Share  

    Cheesy

    By Anonymous - 25/02/2022 18:00 - United States - Las Vegas

    Today, I told my best friend that there was a time that I loved her, then told her it was today, yesterday, last week, last month, last year, and listed several years before that, etc. Her response? "Wow, I can't believe we've known each other that long." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 904
    You deserved it 385
    Share  

    Anyone would've ran

    By Mike - 25/02/2022 15:59

    Today, my friend is mad at me because last night at the midnight show, I “left him there” when he was drunk and thought it would be funny to take a dump in the theater. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 905
    You deserved it 106
    Share  

    Working hard

    By whoops - 20/02/2022 16:00

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I got bored while studying, so I sent my boyfriend a couple of topless pics of me doing my calculus homework. I captioned them, “Who says nerds can’t be sexy?” with hearts and wink emojis. Too bad I sent the last one to my tutor instead of my man. Whoops. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 402
    You deserved it 1 759
    Share  

    My brother the Gigachad

    By Anonymous - 15/02/2022 06:01

    Today, I thought my date last night went quite well, especially when she called me first thing this morning… until it turned out she wasn’t very impressed, and wanted my brother's number instead. The single, successful lawyer, who is 6 inches taller than me, who she saw on my Facebook page. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 335
    You deserved it 140
    Share  

    Came early

    By Benju - 12/02/2022 16:00

    Today, I bought Valentine’s Day cupcakes in advance, knowing they were going to be sold out by then. I put them in the fridge, still wrapped in their plastic bag, with a Post-it that said, “Don’t Touch.” Apparently, this didn’t stop my wife from eating all 12 mini cupcakes because she “was hungry.” FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 013
    You deserved it 189
    Share  

    Exhaustion

    By --- - 12/02/2022 14:00

    Today, during a phone call, I broke down in tears because I was asked to spell my last name. It’s sixteen letters long and hyphenated, and I always end up having to spell it twice because they never get it right the first time. I’m tired. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 932
    You deserved it 361
    Share  

    I'm so bored

    By Anonymous - 11/02/2022 10:00

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I’ve worked out that my neighbour is cheating. Her husband leaves at 7, another guy arrives at 9, vigorous sex noises last for an hour, then the guy leaves. It’s come to this has it, I’m so bored since losing my job that I’ve become a nosy neighbour lady. Why won’t anyone hire me? FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 213
    You deserved it 255
    Share  

    Wage slave

    By Anonymous - 11/02/2022 00:01

    Today, after working 24 of the last 26 days, 12+ hour shifts in public safety, I find myself so exhausted, stressed, and depressed, that I'm literally sitting in bed, staring at the wall, waiting for my next shift. None of my hobbies or vices hold any interest for me whatsoever, and I'm being a bitch to my family. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 414
    You deserved it 185
    Share  

    Always last

    By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Redding

    Today, I found out that someone I once babysat got a girlfriend before I did. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 13 828
    You deserved it 1 755
    Share  

    Digger blues

    By Anonymous - 05/02/2022 06:00

    Today, thanks to my husband's obsession with needing a massive garage built instead of a bog standard garden shed, we dug up some Roman building last week, and our garden is now swarming with archaeologists banging on about history and ruining my weekend. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 545
    You deserved it 1 188
    Share  

    Anerrhíphthō kýbos

    By AllGreekToMe - 02/02/2022 20:01 - United States - Bloomington

    Today, when I selected my classes last semester, I could have taken my required-to-graduate foreign language classes on something doable like Spanish. Instead, not knowing what I was getting into, I selected Classical Greek. It's too late to change my language and my uninformed choice is going to cost me my degree. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 347
    You deserved it 1 401
    Share  

    Such a great guy

    By Anonymous - 02/02/2022 05:01 - United States - Chicago

    Today, I learned that people never change. My boyfriend left me at three months pregnant, the same thing he did to his last girlfriend. I know now exactly how things will go down for my successor. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 498
    You deserved it 1 194
    Share  

    Feminism is when you keep your name?

    By Anonymous - 31/01/2022 20:01

    Today, I’m getting married. My friends are all telling me that I’m not a “true feminist” since I’ve opted to change my last name to his. My last name is “Belcher.” FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 086
    You deserved it 158
    Share  

    Foot in mouth syndrome

    By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

    Today, my friend told me that her favourite aunt died last night of a heart attack. The first thing I could think of to say was, "Oh no, is she okay?" FML
    I agree, your life sucks 18 222
    You deserved it 40 790
    Share  

    Inflation

    By Anonymous - 31/01/2022 02:00

    Today, despite house prices in my area being the highest they've been in ten years, my mother insists that the reason I can't afford one is not due to insane inflation, but because I'm single. She also seems to conveniently forget that she was a large contributing factor to the end of my last relationship. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 081
    You deserved it 150
    Share  

    Different roads

    By sabrina k - 29/01/2022 23:01

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, the professionally-installed sex swing ceiling mount my husband insisted on, but never lasted long enough to make use of, was converted into a baby suspension swing for our toddler. He was right about it, but I still can’t admit it. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 944
    You deserved it 335
    Share  

    Inappropriate

    By Anonymous - 28/01/2022 20:01

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my mom suggested that her brother, my uncle, walk me down the aisle at my upcoming wedding, since my dad passed away last week. My uncle molested me since I was 8 and my mom never believed me, even to this day. She tells me to, “stop being an ungrateful bitch,” since he’s chipping in for the wedding costs. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 3 381
    You deserved it 130
    Share  

    Fight Club

    By Anonymous - 27/01/2022 14:01

    Today, my sons are such idiots that they had a blazing punch-up that put both of them in hospital, all because one of them stole the last cigarette from a packet. Never mind they both have their own cigarettes, but for some reason the theft of this one cigarette was the last straw that lead to a punch up. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 823
    You deserved it 323
    Share  

    MY WAIF!

    By Bogrbon - 26/01/2022 20:01

    Today, for the third time this year, my wife backed into the garage door. We’d just finally got it fixed exactly one week ago for $1800 from the last time she did it. Somehow it’s my fault. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 317
    You deserved it 120
    Share  

    Lost

    By Anonymous - 25/01/2022 11:01

    Today, I’ve been the proud owner of an engagement ring for about 7 hours, and I’ve just spent the last 4 of them desperately searching for the damn thing, as I’ve lost it already. I daren’t tell my partner, since he was so sure I’d lose it, he'd told me to put it in our safe, and I stubbornly refused. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 335
    You deserved it 1 822
    Share  

    Take what you can get

    By Trim for now - 22/01/2022 01:59

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, after months of getting shockingly more action from my girlfriend then at any point in our last 6 months together, I found out I’m getting more because she cut back on her formerly unmentioned husband’s “access.” Apparently, he refuses to lose weight. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 2 787
    You deserved it 405
    Share  

    Cats are the same

    By GrumpyMonk - 21/01/2022 04:58

    Today, my son was playing with a piece of plastic wrapping and trying not to let it fall to the floor as if it were a balloon. This is after he got some kick ass gifts for Christmas. Kids. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 453
    You deserved it 798
    Share  

    Sneakin' in a kitty

    By Anonymous - 15/01/2022 08:02

    Today, my wife brought home a kitten, telling me it had been abandoned. She must think I’m dumb, since our credit card statement shows that all last week she bought it from a breeder, then got it vaccinated and chipped at the vet's, and only now brought it home to feed me this pack of lies. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 411
    You deserved it 226
    Share  

    This job sucks

    By Rafael - 14/01/2022 20:01

    Today, the thirteenth new hire quit at the call center I work at, while still in training. We just started last week with a wave of 20 new hires. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 882
    You deserved it 277
    Share  

    No Way Home

    By HeartbrokenAsFffff - 12/01/2022 07:59

    Today, I found out that my husband wasn’t at “work” like he said he was. He'd told me he couldn’t come to my Master degree graduation because he was called into “work” last minute. I guess “work” is code word for the “movie theatre” watching Spider-Man with an unidentified female person. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 517
    You deserved it 148
    Share  

    Proportional response

    By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 11:01

    Today, in a fit of rage, my mom confessed to me that I was adopted, and if she had the chance to turn back time, she wouldn't have done it in the first place. All because I ate the last ice cream sandwich. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 664
    You deserved it 180
    Share  

    Nice guys

    By Anonymous - 09/01/2022 05:01

    Today, my stepson punched a girl because she wouldn’t accept his apology about punching her last week, when she wouldn’t lend him her pen. At this point I’m convinced he will one day go to prison for murder during a bar brawl or wife beating, since he has a temper and only seems to hit girls. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 309
    You deserved it 266
    Share  

    Landlords gonna landlord

    By WannaBarf - 08/01/2022 17:01 - United States - Loveland

    Today, I got my deposit back from my last apartment. The receipt is riddled with math errors. I'd told them I’m an accountant when I moved in, so I redid the receipt in my own time to see how bad they fucked it up. They owe me $400 more due to their mistake, and I’m sure I’ll never see any of it. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 242
    You deserved it 103
    Share  
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    Today, I was laying in my bed and discovered a couple of stray black hairs scattered about. This was odd considering I have light strawberry blonde hair but I forgot about it only to later see my hair brush have more of the same black hairs. I live alone. I'm scared. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 13 708
    You deserved it 826
    Today, I attempted to ask a girl out by doing a flash mob and singing for her in the store where she works. Turns out, she suffers from anxiety and the overwhelming amount of attention caused a panic attack. No, I didn't get a date. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 52 365
    You deserved it 22 355
    Today, after over a year of lifestyle changes and a ritualistic exercise regime, I finally reached my goal weight. I excitedly told my boyfriend, and he responded, "Yeah, that's nice, but now your tits are tiny". FML
    I agree, your life sucks 38 492
    You deserved it 7 516
    Today, I stopped at a yellow light. The guy behind me did not. He had no insurance. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 37 700
    You deserved it 6 945
    Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 601
    You deserved it 481
    Today, I get to see my boyfriend again for the first time in six weeks. Since I’ve come down with Covid, the only real difference it makes with our virtual contact is that now we can wave to each other in person. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 669
    You deserved it 138
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