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Submit your FML

Have you just experienced an FML moment?

Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it'll published in the next 24 hours or so.


    Remaining characters: 320

    Your story must start with “Today,” and end with “FML”. TXT language is forbidden and spelling mistakes hurt people’s eyeballs, so the use of either would result in the direct dismissal of your FML. Don’t use this space for discussions, advertising or spam, or for posting anything which isn’t an FML. Furthermore, it’s not possible to obtain badges by posting keywords, so stop believing things you’ve read on message boards. Don’t try reposting old FMLs, we’re not that daft.


    Please read our guidelines for posting

    Fill her up

    By Anonymous - 03/02/2021 19:55

    Today, I'm nearly done with my cortisol treatment for a persistent multi-day migraine. Good news: it actually stopped for the last two blissful, pain-free days. Bad news: apparently anything less than the maximum dose of cortisol doesn't prevent me from getting a new migraine. Here we go again. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 901
    You deserved it 85
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    That's… sexy

    By Anonymous - 03/02/2021 08:01 - Mexico - Iztacalco

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my wife threw up in the middle of sex, then fell asleep right after. I didn't even finish and it'd been over a month since the last time. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 142
    You deserved it 337
    Share  

    Say nothing

    By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 07:58 - United States - Edmond

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, right now, my husband is on the phone with his friend. Last night I had a dream I was cheating on him with this friend. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 421
    You deserved it 858
    Share  

    Anxiety

    By Anonymous - 26/01/2021 08:02 - Germany

    Today, and for the last 5 days, I’ve been waking up between 5:30 and 6:30 a.m. Perfect time to get into work early, right? Except I’ve been unemployed for months and the one thing I’m trying to work on is my lack of sleep. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 818
    You deserved it 146
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    That's a hard no, Patricia

    By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 20:04 - Canada - Edmonton

    Today, my aunt asked me to change my major to a program I’m not interested in so her depressed son, my cousin, could have a study buddy. I’m in my last year of university and have been accepted to a master’s program. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 141
    You deserved it 98
    Share  

    Thievery

    By DeaazGurl - 22/01/2021 17:01

    Today, the medicine I keep at my desk for headaches is now gone thanks to my coworker who took the last 6 Advil at once. Her reasoning? "You're thin, so you wouldn't need them anyway. I'm twice your size, so I needed twice the dose." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 043
    You deserved it 96
    Share  

    We feel for you, bruh

    By Anonymous - 21/01/2021 20:01 - India - Bangalore

    Today, I realised that I wasted my teenage life just to be a parent pleaser. I'm in the final months of high school and while everyone is enjoying the last days, I'm sat here being a "good" son, listening to my parents argue, maybe divorcing. I'm in tears and can't go out as I'm not invited to anything anymore. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 323
    You deserved it 208
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    Can't handle it

    By Anonymous - 20/01/2021 14:01 - Germany

    Today, I feel hung over. Don’t feel up to anything except slouching on the sofa, nursing my headache. Must have been one hell of a party, lots of booze, right? Actually, all I did was go to bed at 11:30 last night, instead of my usual 8:30. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 891
    You deserved it 182
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    Toodles

    By JinsNeck.exe - 19/01/2021 20:02 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

    Today, after knowing my friendship group for 9 years, who were like my family, I found out that they actually hate me and have been trying to get me to go away for 5 years. When I left, they laughed at me, argued with me and their exact last words were, "K bye" and then kicked me out. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 131
    You deserved it 180
    Share  

    Lazy git

    By Anonymous - 18/01/2021 14:01

    Today, my fiancé was offered a job by my boss working as a dishwasher. This is awesome, especially since he just got fired from his last job. When I brought it up, his reply was, "I don't want to work as a dishwasher." I guess beggars can be choosers. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 051
    You deserved it 229
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    Livin' the dream

    By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 11:01 - Australia

    Today, and for the last few days, I’ve been playing farming life simulator games. It dawned on me that my fictional farmers will probably be more successful and social and rich and energetic than I ever will be in my entire life. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 706
    You deserved it 248
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    Whoops

    By Anonymous - 08/01/2021 23:01

    Today, I had a very important video call for my job. I hadn’t used the particular app in a long time so I hadn’t checked my screen name. Turns out the last time I used it was in March with my friends, and my name was "Euro Slut." My employers saw it. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 294
    You deserved it 1 124
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    Mr Kwik Fit

    By Anonymous - 07/01/2021 02:01

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I discovered I'd been ghosted. Last night, I hung out with this guy. We started making out. Everything was going great, then we had sex and it literally lasted 30 seconds because he was done. He got up, got dressed and left and then deleted me off everything. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 2 175
    You deserved it 507
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    Here's to a better year

    By tasian14 - 01/01/2021 17:01

    Today, my boyfriend of 6 years decided on New Year's Eve to get on his knees and tell me that he cheated on me with his ex, and they're getting back together. Yay last day of 2020! FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 303
    You deserved it 103
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    "Life is unfair…"

    By Breadline single mom - 26/12/2020 19:56

    Today, my deadbeat ex-husband who works at a country club was invited to play poker with some club members as they needed a last player. He’s rubbish at poker but got some lucky hands and ended up winning £112,000 from those rich guys. Life isn’t fair. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 901
    You deserved it 1 401
    Share  

    Contagion

    By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 05:02

    Today, after bronchitis and a negative COVID test, I finally went back into my classroom for the last day before break. An hour after I got home, a parent contacted me to let me know her child (whom I helped all day) had tested positive and that I needed to quarantine. She thought I would, "want to know." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 073
    You deserved it 112
    Share  

    Awkward

    By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 02:01

    Today, I saw my friend's ex and noticed she had gained a ton of weight since he dated her and had been dating someone else. It reminded me of my friend, so I messaged him and made a joke about her being unrecognizable. He informed me that they started seeing each other again last week. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 432
    You deserved it 1 392
    Share  

    Zapped

    By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 11:01 - Germany - Olbersdorf

    Today, I got the worst electric shock ever, touching a wire that was connected to the electric fence only by a plastic isolator, made specifically to NOT conduct electricity. I still don’t understand how it was possible. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 593
    You deserved it 150
    Share  

    Tis the season to be jolly

    By littl3storm - 23/12/2020 16:59 - United Kingdom

    Today, at the ripe age of 20, I spent the early hours of my morning violently vomiting blood every time I got too warm. I then had the pleasure of shitting in a plastic container for a stool sample, due to said problem, after one and half hours of sleep. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 994
    You deserved it 91
    Share  

    Drunken antics

    By Anonymous - 21/12/2020 14:01

    Today, I found out that last night, when I drank a bit too much and blacked out, I freaked out about "losing my tampon in my vagina" and made my boyfriend fish through to look for it. I had already taken it out before then, and was too drunk to realize. He told me he almost called 911. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 357
    You deserved it 1 159
    Share  

    They targeted gamers!

    By Merry F-ing birthmas - 20/12/2020 02:01 - Australia - Brisbane

    Today, as he has all day for the last 3 days, my husband has been playing Cyberpunk 2077. However, it's my birthday. When I mentioned this fact, I was told to just walk the 4 miles to the store and buy a cake, "if it matters so much." I have celiac and he spent our grocery money on the game. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 715
    You deserved it 375
    Share  

    Bored

    By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 04:58 - Canada - Newmarket

    Today, my alcoholic dad finally came to see to my last dance recital after years of never showing up to watch me. He got kicked out of the audience for snoring too loud. I could hear him from the stage. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 174
    You deserved it 80
    Share  

    CIA-level batshittery

    By fear - 17/12/2020 08:02 - United States - Denver

    Today, an angry customer from my old job and punched me in the face before screaming; “You thought you’d seen the last of me?” I moved seven states over and she followed me here just to do that. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 262
    You deserved it 106
    Share  

    Overreaction much?

    By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 02:02

    Today, I accidentally washed the jacket my mother bought me in the washing machine. I didn't know it was supposed to be dry cleaned. My mother ended up crying and screaming that I don't love her, and this would be the last time she ever buys me anything. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 989
    You deserved it 359
    Share  

    Pyrotechnics

    By Homeless for the holidays - 14/12/2020 04:58 - United States - Farmington

    Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 175
    You deserved it 155
    Share  

    Get 'em!

    By Gosh Darn Phone Thief - 11/12/2020 23:02

    Today, somebody grabbed my phone out of my hands and ran away with it. I'm a cross country runner, albeit one with stress fractures, but I was able to catch up with them and get my phone back. Unfortunately, the running aggravated my stress fractures and I have to get a plaster cast. Merry fricking Christmas. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 153
    You deserved it 110
    Share  

    Stealth attack

    By Anonymous - 11/12/2020 16:58 - Germany - Ebersbach

    Today, I was cooking when I got jumped from behind by my friend's cat, who thought my back would make a great lookout perch. Yesterday he tried to sharpen his claws on me. Last time I looked in the mirror I didn't look like a tree trunk, but maybe I need glasses. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 809
    You deserved it 177
    Share  

    The patriarchy rules

    By hyphen - 10/12/2020 02:01 - United States - Denver

    Today, I was talking to a new friend when I told him my last name. It’s hyphenated. He then left and declared me to be a "stuck-up bitch" who thinks she’s "too good to take a man’s last name." This is the name I was born with. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 023
    You deserved it 146
    Share  

    Sticky situation

    By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 16:58 - Canada - Holyrood

    Today, all was going fine until I had a tickle in my throat, which turned into a coughing fit. Only to cough for the last time and shart my pants. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 897
    You deserved it 149
    Share  

    Shedding

    By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 13:58

    Today, I found out, after having my third and last child, that I'm balding. I'm only 23 and quite frankly It's very much noticeable. How did I find out? My four-year-old daughter pointed it out to me, saying, "Mommy, why you shed like the dog?" FML
    I agree, your life sucks 981
    You deserved it 259
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    Today, while in a meeting for work, my boss expressed how much he likes everyone at our site. But before continuing, he looked at me and said, “Everyone but you, that is.” FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 799
    You deserved it 270
    Today, I spent Valentine's Day with my crush. Not as a romantic thing, though. Instead, she invited me to spend the weekend at her house with her whole family for her sister's birthday party. Not the kind of invitation I had in mind, but thanks anyway. At least chocolate won't let me down. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 744
    You deserved it 892
    Today, a customer yelled at me because I wouldn’t sell her a boneless chicken bucket with extra fries, beans, coleslaw and Pepsi. I work at Subway. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 239
    You deserved it 82
    Today, it was my one-year anniversary with my girlfriend, but instead of celebrating, we had to attend a family funeral with a bunch of people who "don't agree with our lifestyle." To make matters worse, I received my first ticket on the way there. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 495
    You deserved it 150
    Today, while rushing to work, I tried eating a yogurt while walking. I tripped on absolutely nothing, flung the spoon behind me, and somehow launched the yogurt straight up. It landed squarely on my head, and it looked like a bird had shat on me. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 253
    You deserved it 172
    Today, it was the third time I've seen an ambulance in front of the grocery store that I like to shop at. The first time someone collapsed at the entrance; the second time an elderly lady had to be wheeled out on a gurney. I'm wondering if the place is cursed. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 237
    You deserved it 106
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