Health: Today, two guys proclaiming that they were both Batman attacked... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 253

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 123

31/07/2011 06:17

Today, two guys proclaiming that they were both Batman attacked me on the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 835

You deserved it 3 449

Age difference

Walk the line

Keep your distance

21/03/2011 15:03

Today, I found out why my parents forgot my birthday. Facebook didn't remind them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 218

You deserved it 4 701

14/12/2012 00:51

Today, I saw a photo on Instagram of my friend flipping the camera the bird. She'd tagged it under "irony", so I jokingly suggested that she borrow a dictionary. She responded with a tirade of abuse, claimed to be sleeping with my boyfriend, and blocked me an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 491

You deserved it 3 665

15/04/2015 14:32

Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 185

You deserved it 3 013

16/08/2018 13:00

Today, I rushed to catch my bus and arrived as it pulled up, but one of the tires threw a rock at my head and knocked me out. I missed my bus and the final that I am not allowed to retake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 099

You deserved it 237

20/05/2017 16:00

Today, I found out that the electricity company can just show up unannounced and cut off my power, but cannot find the meter for a whole 10 days to switch it on again. It's currently dark and 7°C in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 946

You deserved it 454

Open season

By Mapmouse - 27/01/2021 11:03

Today, I drove home to Las Vegas after being in quarantine in Los Angeles for two weeks. The lights were on and the lock was busted. My apartment is completely ransacked. Yay 2021. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 67

27/06/2019 14:30

Today, I was so disgusted by my own body, I took a shower in the dark so I wouldn't have to look at myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 760

You deserved it 532

29/08/2009 00:59

Today, I left for college. I spent hundreds of dollars on clothes, bedding and other things. After packing my entire closet and everything else I needed, I left only to have to head back home. My dad forgot to pay the first semesters tuition. He said "Oh well, you would have failed out anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 654

You deserved it 3 871

13/06/2015 01:56

Today, my mother told me to take a quick shower. When I got out, she told me I took too long, and now I have to pay the utilities bill. My shower was two minutes long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 780

You deserved it 2 121

22/11/2011 15:09

Today, I was pulled over. The cop seemed very familiar. Turns out he was a relative of mine whom I haven't spoken to in a very long time. We had decent conversation and caught up. He still gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 977

You deserved it 17 926

14/08/2013 19:47

Today, a guest of the private beach club I work at asked if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. She was serious and complained to my boss, saying I was absolutely no help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 612

You deserved it 2 973

07/10/2009 04:39

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend over webcam with a cute negligee. He was doing homework. Half an hour later, he finally noticed. Apparently pre-calc is more interesting than his girlfriend. I guess polynomials are just curvier than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 234

You deserved it 39 124

27/07/2011 07:23

Spicy

Today, at a fancy dress party, I got off with Hitler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 595

You deserved it 40 267

21/05/2011 07:44

Today, my crush and I were talking on the phone and we were really hitting it off. We got on the subject of sex and I told him I have a purity ring. Then he suddenly said he had to go and hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 863

You deserved it 47 163

26/04/2009 16:21

Today, I was taking a nap while my mom was at work. I woke up when she came home and didn't think anything of it so I went back to sleep. When I woke up again, I went downstairs and our 52" plasma screen TV, my xbox 360, and $1500 computer were all stolen. I'm guessing that wasn't my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 781

You deserved it 13 736

07/06/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up with really sore abs; not from working out at the gym, but because I've been coughing for 3 days straight and nothing is helping. Now every time I cough, it physically hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 118

10/07/2013 14:18

Today, I found out my boyfriend regularly has his ex stay over. They even share a bed. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 624

You deserved it 5 708

05/05/2015 15:13

Spicy

Today, I had to play the hot and cold game with my boyfriend until he found my clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 285

You deserved it 5 676

29/12/2011 19:32

Today, a friend told me over MSN that her father had died. Trying to express some solidarity, I went to send her a tearful smiley. I accidentally sent her the dancing pig animation instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 297

You deserved it 31 685

29/10/2013 00:53

Today, I had to listen to my boss say "Arabica beans" in a goofy, fake New England accent every time the McDonald's ice coffee commercial came on the radio. I worked a 12-hour shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 688

You deserved it 3 257

03/04/2012 14:16

Today, I realised that I only get dandruff when I'm stressed about having dandruff. Which is whenever I have dandruff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 129

You deserved it 4 230

Stomach bug?

By Heather Scurfield - 21/03/2021 10:59

Today, I was going to be sick, so I ran to the bathroom. When I got there, I fainted, and fell back against the wall. When I came around, I immediately vomited all down my body, in my hair, and all over the floor. My cat judged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 93

31/03/2015 12:56

Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 204

You deserved it 3 505

18/05/2009 08:45

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 256

You deserved it 18 099

Sucker

By BadIdea - 01/03/2012 21:23

Spicy

Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 252

You deserved it 59 453

11/08/2012 23:47

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 095

You deserved it 9 547

16/08/2013 11:08

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer at my job. Apparently, wearing "ugly, thick-framed hipster glasses as a fashion statement is a HUGE faux pas." These are my actual prescription glasses, and "faux pas" is not pronounced "fox paws". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 570

You deserved it 3 710

A good excuse

By Anonymous - 21/11/2019 01:00

Today, my ex-girlfriend, who broke up with me because God said she couldn't have a boyfriend, started dating my friend... Who she always told me she didn't even like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 121

You deserved it 204

Business savvy

By Anonymous - 21/05/2020 17:00

Today, my nephew, who I was assured had previous experience, was closing jobs down on the computer after dealing with the customers on the phone without processing the payment for any of their orders. He’s been working for me for weeks. God knows how much money I’ve lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 423

31/12/2018 20:00

Today, my nineteen-year-old son attempted to mug me. With a screwdriver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 821

You deserved it 344

02/07/2019 12:07

Today, I had breakfast at a hotel in Jamaica. The bill came to $1087 Jamaican Dollars, which is roughly $8.30 USD. When they swiped my Visa card, the hotel accidentally charged me $1087 USD. That's the most expensive omelet I've had in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 098

You deserved it 145

26/01/2010 21:25

Today, my parents got me a new computer for my birthday. They also took the liberty of throwing out my old computer, with 8 years of photos, videos, music, documents, emails, and bookmarks on it. But that's okay, I had a backup. They threw that out too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 278

You deserved it 2 425

04/09/2012 07:54

Spicy

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. I've been secretly taking Welsh lessons as a surprise for him, so when I was getting close, I whispered the Welsh for "Don't stop." He pulled out and accused me of cheating on him with his best friend. He won't believe anything else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 969

You deserved it 4 684

02/01/2013 17:33

Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 183

You deserved it 46 905

Cuties

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 02:02

Spicy

Today, I shaved my penis and balls. When my girlfriend saw, she said, "You look like my little brother." He's 6 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 398

Little shit

By LadyJ - 21/03/2012 00:23

Today, I had to tell a parent about her son kicking a boy in his class. She blamed me for not watching him. I wasn't watching him because I was turned around to care for another boy he had hit right before that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 610

You deserved it 2 117

23/10/2011 23:08

Today, I was at a shooting range with my father. The target was a creepy poster of a man. My father said, "This one is for your boyfriend." Perfect groin shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 155

You deserved it 4 481

31/01/2011 03:13

Today, I went out with a girl I like. After a movie, we went to McDonald's. There was this couple making out. The girl I was with remarked about how lame it would be to go to McDonald's on a date. I thought we were on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 012

You deserved it 37 848

16/08/2018 18:30

Today, my husband's cousin told me it's a tradition that I should have sex with the eldest male cousin (him) as a rite of passage, and I probably don't know this being of foreign origin. I emigrated here and met my husband when we were 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 644

You deserved it 241

01/10/2012 05:47

Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 588

You deserved it 2 086

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Top comments

flockz 19

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:06

i guess today wasnt the best day to wear your purple pimp suit with your green wig.

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:04

I guess he's not always good.

Comments

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:04

that sucks FYL.

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:10

Robin needs to stop trying to b batman

qyka 5

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:10

Totally

CoconutMuffin 5

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:11

i love how OP's name is "the joker?"!!!

SuperPineApple 0

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:11

Gotham City needs a new hero?

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:15

goblin your profile pic looks like you would do something like that lol

ilovepotatoes419 14

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:26

oh yeah

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:45

batman's were just doing their job. what do you expect? you are The Joker(?)

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Sunday 31 July 2011 17:02

Batman #2! Toss me the shark repellent!!

roflcopter423 0

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Sunday 31 July 2011 18:08

Batman is the hero Iowa deserves, not the one that it needs.

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Sunday 31 July 2011 19:00

why is everyone thumbing down my comment it is a FYL haha

batman4eva3113 0

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Sunday 31 July 2011 19:02

dear u u rock

WellThatSucksMaj 0

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Sunday 31 July 2011 19:50

Well, are you dressed as the joker?

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Sunday 31 July 2011 20:56

were they wearing hockey pads?

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Sunday 31 July 2011 21:23

1 - I applaud you for dressing up to replace Robin but The Cock does not strike fear into anyone and you have no utility belt

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Sunday 31 July 2011 21:56

One of them was a fake!

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Sunday 31 July 2011 22:04

132 what about lesbians? I'm pretty sure cock may scare a few of them.

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Sunday 31 July 2011 22:51

138 lesbians loathe the cock. There is only one cock women fear. The African anaconda cock

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Monday 1 August 2011 1:31

the night is always darkest before the dawn

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Monday 1 August 2011 2:48

they lived long enough to see themselves become villains

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Monday 1 August 2011 4:04

am I the only one who pictured OP as the joker

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Monday 1 August 2011 4:13

yes

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

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Monday 1 August 2011 5:46

Awww it wasn't superman? that suxxx... XD

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Monday 1 August 2011 8:29

109- because if you wanna say FYL there's a button

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Monday 1 August 2011 8:56

Maybe they were trying to tell you that they were orphans?

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:04

I guess he's not always good.

iLOLatURpain69 7

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:09

Man I gave Bruce Wayne a valium and said 'Settle your fuckin' ass down, Im ready for combatman' Get it calm batman, nah

genesisnirvana 11

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:15

OP could have looked like the Joker hence the reason he got attacked

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Sunday 31 July 2011 17:05

That is why you always wear your "Muscles Glasses" suit outside of the house. The thumbs on this comment will inevitably determine how popular EMT really is.

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Sunday 31 July 2011 18:27

op should of bit them and said he was Dracula

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Sunday 31 July 2011 18:59

Don't FUCKING mess with the Batman!!! Hes the hero Gotham needs, but doesn't deserve. Or something like that........

ProudTexan117 0

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Sunday 31 July 2011 18:59

Muscles glasses..........awesome

partyfool2011 4

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Sunday 31 July 2011 21:43

25- or he looked like the penguin.

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Sunday 31 July 2011 22:52

did he atleast find out who the real batman was?

GoodLookingGeese 10

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Sunday 31 July 2011 23:48

darn! you met Batman! No.. two of them and still complain - you ungrateful bastard!

GoodLookingGeese 10

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Sunday 31 July 2011 23:50

they both were

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Monday 1 August 2011 5:41

should've told them you were robin

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Monday 1 August 2011 8:32

94 - nah I think it would be more like Ozzy Osborn

ssoccerchick97 16

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:05

Two guys separately, or at once? FYL anyway, but FYL even more if it was twice XD

rattusrattus 18

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Sunday 31 July 2011 18:19

Wouldn't they get into an argument about who is the real Batman if they attacked the OP simultaneously? Although if that happened I would film that and stick it on Youtube. :D

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Sunday 31 July 2011 18:47

Lol one after anither

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Monday 1 August 2011 2:39

Why do serious OP?

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 4:16

Batman: The Dick Knight!

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:05

Lucky :(

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Sunday 31 July 2011 18:50

I never get attacked by batman! And OP got attacked by 2! Lucky!

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Sunday 31 July 2011 18:50

lol

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Monday 1 August 2011 6:50

OP got attacked by batman and his doppleganger

FlurffyPupQueen 7

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Monday 1 August 2011 7:44

Possibly it's true, op is the joker. But what if batman has an 'in hiding' foreign twin brother named Bitman and his accent sounds as if it's saying batman. Think about it.

weezypanda420 22

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Wednesday 28 October 2015 2:29

I wish I was the OP. I wanna meet batman

flockz 19

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:06

i guess today wasnt the best day to wear your purple pimp suit with your green wig.

Uraharas_Bankai 1

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:15

Also, it wasn't the best day to try out that new red lipstick and smear it accidentally

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Sunday 31 July 2011 18:40

And not the day to ask people why they were so serious

flockz 19

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Sunday 31 July 2011 19:03

and not the best day to rob a bank and escape in a school bus.

DKjazz 20

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Sunday 31 July 2011 20:27

OP's user name is "The Joker?"!

TheHoboWerewolf 0

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Monday 1 August 2011 5:49

Fuck Heath Ledger! He fucked up that role so bad! Jack Nicholson. Best. Joker. Ever.

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:07

Maybe you should consider plastic surgery if they confused you with the joker. Js

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Sunday 31 July 2011 17:07

NO way man I'M BATMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Sunday 31 July 2011 17:17

haha! im bat woman.. lol

StopDropNRoll 11

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Sunday 31 July 2011 17:46

But Batwoman had nothing to do withthis attack?

flockz 19

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Sunday 31 July 2011 17:57

hi im flockz

IndigoFuckYou 9

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Sunday 31 July 2011 18:00

Fuck you all. I'm the Joker.

IndigoFuckYou 9

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Sunday 31 July 2011 18:00

Fuck you all. I'm the Joker.

IndigoFuckYou 9

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Sunday 31 July 2011 18:00

Fuck you all. I'm the Joker.

seeunexttuesdays 6

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Sunday 31 July 2011 18:19

I think the jokers pretty hot....just kidding.

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Sunday 31 July 2011 19:15

Hi flockz im Absurd101 :o

iluffmcrandbvb 1

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Monday 1 August 2011 1:23

hi I'm that person in your closet.

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Monday 1 August 2011 4:28

I'm batlady and I'm a guy..

TheHoboWerewolf 0

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Monday 1 August 2011 16:56

And here's #166 for the win!!!

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Monday 1 August 2011 17:37

Well shit I guess I'm alfred then. Alfred:"would you like the batpod sir.. Bruce wayne: In the middle of the day alfred, not to subtle...Alfred: the lamborghini then,umuch more subtle"

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:07

They are lying because I'm Batman.

seeunexttuesdays 6

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Sunday 31 July 2011 18:29

I think the jokers pretty hot....jk

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Sunday 31 July 2011 18:48

Hey guys. Why so serious? It's a joke.

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Sunday 31 July 2011 19:55

Wait, I thought jokes were supposed to be funny.

Rae13 5

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:08

Maybe they meant bad man. :P

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Sunday 31 July 2011 22:47

maybe they were necrophiliacs and thought OP was Heath Ledger... too soon? too soon for Heath Ledger jokes?

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:09

2 batmans? MADNESS

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:13

THIS IS SPARTA!!!

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Sunday 31 July 2011 16:10

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL, aw :) Just means you're worth the effort to fight over? Chin up, s'not bad!

allard 14

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Sunday 31 July 2011 18:13

Hahaha. Snot.

seeunexttuesdays 6

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Sunday 31 July 2011 18:21

Real mature! Lol

allard 14

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Sunday 31 July 2011 18:48

Hahaha, Sorry. It had to be said.

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Sunday 31 July 2011 19:13

When you're out with your honey and her nose is runnny you might think it's funny but itsnot

man_in_black08 28

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Sunday 31 July 2011 20:06

supp.. duck face :p