Miscellaneous: Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After... - FML

24/04/2013 19:14 - United States

Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 186

You deserved it 14 275

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Does this smell weird?

Masked Singer

24/10/2009 21:23 - Zimbabwe

Spicy

Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother. And my mom texted me asking me to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 154

You deserved it 2 864

15/05/2015 18:48 - United States - Crestview

Today, some genius shot through a red light, hitting my car and nearly killing me. When I went to ask if he was okay, the first words out of his mouth were "I hope you have insurance". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 052

You deserved it 2 129

14/03/2016 15:49 - United States - Uniontown

Today, I waited for the single bathroom for a very long time. I finally knocked on the door and found no one was in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 958

You deserved it 9 187

19/09/2012 14:54 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 955

You deserved it 3 588

11/12/2013 22:25 - Luxembourg

Today, my mother told her friends that I work as a call girl. I'm a call center agent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 238

You deserved it 3 231

Thanks, great feedback everyone!

By Anonymous - 27/01/2021 23:01

Today, after years of not meeting my partner's family, along with the new arrival of our daughter, we decided to travel to meet them all and introduce our bundle of joy. Instead of the usual welcoming committee, all they could go on about was whether or not my daughter was his because of how fair toned she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 86

20/07/2009 22:39 - Canada

Today, I was testing out my new webcam on an msn Video Call with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. In an attempt to look cool, I pretended to have a very interesting phone conversation. Later I found out my webcam has a mic. She "heard" the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 365

You deserved it 69 210

19/06/2009 22:48 - United States

Today, I was showing my unique new tattoo to my friends when a man approaches me with his digital camera and asks if he could take a picture of the tattoo for his website. I agreed. I find out later that it's a site about ugly tattoos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 021

You deserved it 44 610

30/08/2012 01:33 - United States - Richmond

Today, I purposely misspelled words while texting my boyfriend so he would think I was out partying and having a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 182

You deserved it 29 928

17/03/2010 04:41 - Canada

Today, I got into a fight with the dryer over a plastic toy car. My hand is bleeding and numb, three of my nails are broken and I have a bruise on my chin. The plastic car is still stuck in the now broken dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 711

You deserved it 25 943

08/10/2012 07:14 - United Kingdom

Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 010

You deserved it 5 925

Thanks for the heads up

By thanksma - 29/01/2017 07:00 - United States - Stilwell

Today, at his request, I met up with my brother for lunch so we could catch up. Apparently, our mother put him up to it so he could tell me our parents are getting a divorce. They didn't want to tell me themselves because I'm "too emotional." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 728

You deserved it 632

27/08/2011 22:40 - United States

Today, I went to a concert. The music was great, but the drunk guys behind me made it hard to pay attention. Half way through the second act, one of them took it upon themselves to start peeing on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 465

You deserved it 2 749

21/01/2012 01:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, a kid from school came to my house. He asked my dad if I was at home, because we were "planning a bit of the old, you know…" and made an obscene gesture. Now I'm grounded for a month, and no matter what I say, my dad won't believe that I've never even spoken to the kid before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 393

You deserved it 2 303

08/12/2011 04:27 - Canada

Today, my dog took a dump beside the air intake for our furnace. The house now smells like dog crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 909

You deserved it 4 040

20/01/2012 15:15 - United States

Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 540

You deserved it 11 603

About that...

By Gay younger brother - 30/06/2018 01:30

Today, my brother came out to our parents. They weren't super happy with it, but they said that it was ok since they still had a straight son. I don't know how to tell them that I'm gay too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 515

You deserved it 485

21/05/2019 04:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 137

You deserved it 804

03/12/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, my parents invited all their kids and grandkids to join them on a vacation trip to the mountains; all their kids except me, that is. I'm not invited. But they did invite my ex-husband. And his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 441

You deserved it 3 367

25/03/2016 03:14 - New Zealand - Takanini

Today, I went to the doctor's after over a week of feeling extremely tired and having headaches. His advice? "When I'm tired I drink coffee. You should drink coffee." Somehow, I don't think that was worth $60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 611

You deserved it 1 568

Classic brain fart

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 05:30 - Australia - Ballarat

Today, I lovingly simmered a chicken carcass, vegetables and spices to make soup. Two hours it took. After all that, I mindlessly strained out the chicken bones and let the soup pour straight down the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 510

26/07/2010 20:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he told me I was the love of his life. Afterwards, he clarified his statement. I was the love of his life, because I was in his life at that moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 297

You deserved it 4 646

12/07/2013 20:27 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 537

You deserved it 6 608

03/06/2010 08:54 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, after staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time, I got in the shower. His bathroom door doesn't lock, so half way through my shower he walked in. Trying to be sexy, I pressed myself up against the glass, which turned out the be a door that opens outwards. I fell on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 967

You deserved it 42 085

30/04/2016 03:09 - United States - Mitchell

Today, my mom claimed that lactose intolerance is a "myth" and told me to drink my damn milk because it's good for my bones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 669

You deserved it 1 306

21/11/2014 13:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was selling winter-themed cookies at my university. I cheerfully asked a girl if she would like to buy cookies to support peer tutoring. Her response? "I don't eat food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 594

You deserved it 3 835

Disney 2021

By Anonymous - 04/01/2021 14:01

Today, I realised that I'm kinda living the life of a Disney princess, because I'm lonely and all my friends are animals. Yes, I also talk to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 128

25/07/2014 06:05 - Australia - Virginia

Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 209

You deserved it 55 624

As seen on TV

By Big break - 18/05/2020 14:00

Today, I finally got my big TV debut. After thousand of dollars in acting classes and years of waiting to become a professional actress, I got featured in a commercial. I will be rubbing toilet paper against my face for all of four seconds. Hurray, fame! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 322

You deserved it 598

17/02/2009 02:34 - United States

Today, my grandmother told me that not only does she not accept me as a homosexual man, but that she feels my relationship with a little person is "spitting in God's face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 383

You deserved it 12 962

07/01/2009 11:43 - France

Today, I received a really nice red satin set of underwear, with a bra, a thong and a corset... From my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 570

You deserved it 2 273

29/04/2016 17:11 - United States - Ames

Today, the highlight of my whole month was finally being able to take a solid crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 400

You deserved it 1 737

24/11/2010 17:29 - United States

Today, my toilet broke. Yesterday, the shower filled up with sludge. I have ten people coming over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 734

You deserved it 2 546

Cooperation

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 02:02 - Germany - Emden

Today, I share a bathroom with two other people and we divide tasks equally. They take care of making it dirty; I take care of making it clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 97

07/12/2009 18:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months called me. He said his mom was making him choose between having a dog or having a girlfriend. I asked him which one he picked. He was quiet, I heard barking in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 052

You deserved it 4 986

11/05/2016 18:55 - United States

Today, a twelve year-old girl was better at calming down my six month-old baby on the bus than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 382

You deserved it 1 502

18/02/2012 22:07 - United States

Today, I realized that with all the money I've spent on repairs for my iPhone through the months, I could have bought a phone that doesn't die horribly whenever I so much as give it a mean look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 655

You deserved it 26 046

06/09/2011 02:52 - United States

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get a harmonica removed from my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 975

You deserved it 28 178

14/06/2016 02:39 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, on a first date, he told me I look like his ex's mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 171

You deserved it 929

25/03/2015 06:26 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red paper to help his little brother with his potty training. "Aim for the red!" they would say to him. I guess today was a bad day to wear red pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 165

You deserved it 2 858

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Wednesday 24 April 2013 23:42

I usually wore ear plugs to those types of tests. Everyone around you should have brought nose plugs instead. You obviously needed a butt plug.

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Wednesday 24 April 2013 23:39

Damn. At least you didn't Shit your pants.

Comments

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Wednesday 24 April 2013 23:39

Damn. At least you didn't Shit your pants.

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Wednesday 24 April 2013 23:59

He'll never live this down, I can't imagine what shitting in his pants would cause.

RAUHWeltBegriff 9

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Thursday 25 April 2013 0:04

Greg the Soccer Player: What the fuck Evan we're down two points! Evan: Fuckin' calm down Greg, it's soccer, it's soccer. Greg the Soccer Player: Fuck you man. Seth: Hey Greg, why don't you go piss your pants again? Greg the Soccer Player: That was like eight years ago asshole. Seth: People don't forget.... This will be op

PenguinBitch 43

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Thursday 25 April 2013 0:09

25- *shit. In Op's case.

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Thursday 25 April 2013 2:25

25, Where did you get Greg/Seth from? OP's name is Skyler. o.o

ZacZ 8

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Thursday 25 April 2013 2:45

Hahaha perfect

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Thursday 25 April 2013 5:23

25 - You have an awesome name. Nakai-san!

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Thursday 25 April 2013 6:52

Beep beep it's the down vote train bitches.

mr_sarcastic416 29

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Thursday 25 April 2013 9:52

all aboard!!

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Wednesday 24 April 2013 23:40

Marked for your lifetime

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Thursday 25 April 2013 1:30

Mark in your pants...

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Thursday 25 April 2013 3:09

Marking your territory.

stevothedevo 25

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Thursday 25 April 2013 14:40

Skid marking.

cyanidesandwich 21

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Wednesday 24 April 2013 23:40

Well did you check for any curds of shit in your pants?

Charmillionaire 10

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Wednesday 24 April 2013 23:48

As if I needed another reason to hate cottage cheese...

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Thursday 25 April 2013 22:14

That's possible? No whey!

sniken 14

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Wednesday 24 April 2013 23:41

I'm guessing re-entering the classroom afterwards was the worst. Fyl.

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Wednesday 24 April 2013 23:41

At least you could leave class and sleep!

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Wednesday 24 April 2013 23:42

you can't help it.. not your fault

peacelovecoffee 20

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Thursday 25 April 2013 3:16

I don't think that makes OP feel any better!

xSunnyOlivia 17

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Thursday 25 April 2013 6:30

Why are people thumbing this down?

PrincessPesa 20

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Thursday 25 April 2013 10:01

Because it's not funny, damn it. Now make us laugh or get off the island!

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Wednesday 24 April 2013 23:42

I usually wore ear plugs to those types of tests. Everyone around you should have brought nose plugs instead. You obviously needed a butt plug.

sniken 14

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Wednesday 24 April 2013 23:51

There's always a next time.

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Thursday 25 April 2013 0:10

It would probably just come shooting back out the way it went in.

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Thursday 25 April 2013 0:11

I can just imagine OP finishing the test, falling asleep, butt plug inserted, and get so backed up with farts it just shoots out and KO's the proctor as he/she walked by.

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Thursday 25 April 2013 4:26

At least OP's butthole wasn't sealed shut and had to be cut open to fart. Gotta find something positive right?

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Thursday 25 April 2013 4:51

Butt plug...that doesn't sound all too pleasant.

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Thursday 25 April 2013 5:18

Depends on who you ask, 59; if it exists, someone has a kink for it.

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Thursday 25 April 2013 5:48

Sex toys for non-farting purposes!

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Thursday 25 April 2013 7:15

lol

elcieloskyler 5

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Friday 26 April 2013 6:49

HAHAHAAHAHAAH OH MY GOODness i wish i would have had one. you made my day. (my account that i posted this on tells me im missing verification when i comment or reply so i had to make another one)

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Wednesday 24 April 2013 23:42

Seems as if the monitor caught wind of your antics down there...

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Thursday 25 April 2013 2:56

I read this and pictured a giant monitor lizard...

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Wednesday 24 April 2013 23:43

Look on the bright side. At least you finished.

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Wednesday 24 April 2013 23:43

that's embarrassing. but at least you know you fart in your sleep. better them knowing than your boyfriend or girlfriend.

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Thursday 25 April 2013 0:50

Even if a boyfriend or girlfriend knew...who cares? It's a natural thing. I fart in my sleep. For someone to hold that against someone is stupid. Everyone poops..and farts. Just part of the human body.

BellaBelle_fml 23

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Thursday 25 April 2013 0:57

Well, most people do fart in their sleep. When it happens in front of strangers or a large group of people that are mostly just random people and mere acquaintances, it is rather embarrassing. I am much more comfortable farting in front of my husband than I am in front of anyone else. So I'd think that the OP might actually rather this happened in front of their bf/gf than in front of their entire class.

dancinwookie 21

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Thursday 25 April 2013 8:35

#36- I totally agree. If I couldn't fart in front of Harley, I'd spontaneously combust, which would be pretty cool...but farting competitions are more fun.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 100

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 132