Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I took my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's apartment for her to exchange his spare car keys for some of her grandmother's items. I waited outside in the parking lot for an hour, with no idea which door was his. She came out no longer a virgin. FML
Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML
Today, I had an amazing date with my girlfriend. Everything was going great, until I locked my keys in the car. It then started raining. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML
Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML
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Top comments
Cinn_fml 23
That's one way of doing it. But there is probably a better way of telling you what you need to give her.
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
Just do oral I guess? Or, like the guys above me are saying, take something of hers!
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Comments (274)
unfortunate_13 5
this is not a FML, this is a challenge! "oh no, i have to play with my girlfriend's body. FML." if you're not willing to give her an ******, then why are you in a relationship with her anyway?
givemechange 0
Fair enough, Cinn. I know it took me years before I figured out how to climax with a guy.
TheDrifter 24
Years? damn girl just tell him what you want already.
ReynshineCutting 10
Same. I'd been with a couple guys and never had one, then the first time my fiancé and I did I had 2 and he didn't do anything different. Some people just fit together better.
Jordan510 0
guess your never getting your car keys back ;)
PeteyPablo12308 20
Way to go OP's girlfriend! Now that's what I call female empowerment! Lol.
karmicsamadi86 9
HAHA, fail!!
Based 0
Get the **** in there?
insanesna1l 0
i agree 41. this isnt an fml. this is an excuse for missing work due to being up all night rooting
Equin0x 0
Well at least you can have fun trying ;)
insanesna1l 0
wtf? i thought my response was legit?
LifesJusGreat 7
Nope, it was unlegit, so now you must quit.