Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's apartment for her to exchange his spare car keys for some of her grandmother's items. I waited outside in the parking lot for an hour, with no idea which door was his. She came out no longer a virgin. FML
Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML
Today, I had an amazing date with my girlfriend. Everything was going great, until I locked my keys in the car. It then started raining. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML
Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML
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Top comments
Cinn_fml 23
That's one way of doing it. But there is probably a better way of telling you what you need to give her.
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
Just do oral I guess? Or, like the guys above me are saying, take something of hers!
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Comments (274)
cith_fml 0
that shouldnt be to hard giving her one :) or u could just through her a vibrator :)
nhlnba2 6
dude. dont give her an ****** and you basically just got unlimited sex
SuckerPunchurMom 0
Use a baseball team you mean. Loose bitch.
SuckerPunchurMom 0
112, you are a moron. Didn't it occur to you that he might get tired.
Popatopagain 0
Sounds like you have a personal problem
TheDrifter 24
Viagra and pcp. Get it right or die trying.
madyeti 0
Ya gotta lick it, Before you stick it!!
fcryingoutloud 9
I'd have advised you to call the police if she refuses to give you your keys back, but sadly you'll probably face the same kind of giggly idiocy you get here. Turn the place upside down, they've got to be somewhere. And, obviously, dump that bitch.
Augustanna 5
So your options are keys or a lot of sex! Don't **** it up OP & choose the keys!!
Rico_Mal1116 0
I'll get your keys back for you.