Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I took my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's apartment for her to exchange his spare car keys for some of her grandmother's items. I waited outside in the parking lot for an hour, with no idea which door was his. She came out no longer a virgin. FML
Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML
Today, I had an amazing date with my girlfriend. Everything was going great, until I locked my keys in the car. It then started raining. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML
Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML
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Top comments
Cinn_fml 23
That's one way of doing it. But there is probably a better way of telling you what you need to give her.
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
Just do oral I guess? Or, like the guys above me are saying, take something of hers!
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Comments (274)
Forever_Blue_Jay 0
Lol Sounds like someone us walking! haha
jjstock 7
haha well what are you waiting for???
Makingamemory 0
hahahaha. good for her.
Enslaved 38
If you want to drive, you need to drive it in first!
LaLaChelseyy 0
ha ! good idea , lmao
Jrefinne 7
Sounds like something I would do. Haha
arianylas 3
What's all this shit about hiding her stuff? He's probably had many orgasms by her. It's only fair he give her at least ONE. It's just sad that it takes hiding the car keys to motivate him enough to even try. YTDI OP.
ReynshineCutting 10
He probably has tried. You do know that it's 1000x easier to make a man climax than a woman right? It takes a lot more stimulation for a woman so for someone to say "your girl has made you climax a ton and you haven't done the same to her" is an ignorant statement.
arianylas 3
Not in the least. It's not hard to make a woman come if you're actually trying. Sounds to me like you're the more ignorant one. I come just about every time my boyfriend and I have sex - at least 90% of the time if not more. OP clearly isn't trying that hard, or else he isn't bothering to see what he's doing wrong and could be doing better or differently.
joa76 3
It takes LONGER for a woman to ******, but I doubt it's any more difficult for most people, if they put in the effort and pay attention to their partner. The wording is a bit weird there...I mean I doubt it's much more difficult for women to ****** than for men too, in most cases, although there are women who just have a hard time with it, though who knows if that's physical or mental (I'd guess it's probably mental for most).
grog_fml 3
you need to do that anyway
annihil8or 15
I gotta agree with # 25, how is this supposed to be a bad thing???
ImaWiseGuy 5
I bet you still haven't got your keys back yet......