Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I took my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's apartment for her to exchange his spare car keys for some of her grandmother's items. I waited outside in the parking lot for an hour, with no idea which door was his. She came out no longer a virgin. FML
Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML
Today, I had an amazing date with my girlfriend. Everything was going great, until I locked my keys in the car. It then started raining. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML
Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Cinn_fml 23
That's one way of doing it. But there is probably a better way of telling you what you need to give her.
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
Just do oral I guess? Or, like the guys above me are saying, take something of hers!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (274)
you_freak 7
Do as the lady says!
FlashBurn 13
Do it right, it's that simple. Duh.#winning.
coderedz 0
well at least your getting laid
HeavyMetalViking 0
You can still start your engine by tugging at her pubes.
juwood 7
LMAO @ 26's comment
laden_swallow09 35
I see wut u did, thar
DropBearHunter 8
@#1 To help her ****** or is Op going to town on her face to get the keys back ? You may need to clarify this statement, either ways just a bit... wrong...
enonymous 9
This is the trick to giving any girl an ******. First off to set the mood you bring in some candles maybe, some wine, give her some roses, nice diamond encrusted watch and then you hire a male escort while you watch the sports game. works 100% of the time
twobubbies 0
bahahahaha that fanfreakintastic! I wouldn't complain!!!!!
steve0_t 0
why fml she's wanting you to stay n have sex ? where's the problem?
covette 0
exactly....the only fyl about this is you cannot satisfy women, otherwise only good things are coming from it
jayardot 2
it also means he's never given her a real ****** lol
ninjacapo 2
cuz hes got a small penis. sounds like an fml to me lmao
givemechange 0
Sounds like **** your girlfriend's life. Today, in a final bid of desperation to make my sexually impaired boyfriend give me an ******, I hid his car keys. FML.... And it sounds like you're more concerned about getting your car keys back, than the fact that you fail at giving her pleasureable sex. I bet the only enjoyment she gets out of it is making fun of it afterwards with her friends.
caboose003 0
projecting much?
lluigolo 0
why is this a complaint? more sex for you!
Thedrugslikeme2 0
Then giver her a ******* ****** already!