Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's apartment for her to exchange his spare car keys for some of her grandmother's items. I waited outside in the parking lot for an hour, with no idea which door was his. She came out no longer a virgin. FML
Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML
Today, I had an amazing date with my girlfriend. Everything was going great, until I locked my keys in the car. It then started raining. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML
Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML
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Top comments
Cinn_fml 23
That's one way of doing it. But there is probably a better way of telling you what you need to give her.
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
Just do oral I guess? Or, like the guys above me are saying, take something of hers!
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Comments (274)
Bobber409 0
hahaha nice!! that made me laugh real hard
ztruk 0
Right?!? Your life SUCKS!!! Your girlfriend wants to have sex with you till she tips over the edge! If I were you I would make sure not to give her an orgasim ALL day! At least one of us wins!
bighurt86 0
that shudnt b hard
demonic_screams 4
hey she's sayin have a lot of sex with her. don't complain
Minky1996 0
STOP COMPLAINING! She's telling you to give her an ******, that mean many sex for you :D
KaintukeeBob 13
@70: She's not asking for sex, she's asking for GOOD sex. OP is incapable of providing. F his Life. @OP: Learn to make love to a woman. It's not about 30 seconds of frantic humping, followed by a cigarette. Try some foreplay, use a toy. Learn what a ******** is, and how to stimulate one. Discover the g-spot. In other words, pay attention to the woman you're with. If you can't do that, buy some good walking shoes.
RedPillSucks 33
Is your girlfriends name Rihanna?
zanecollins 0
and ur complaining why? bro, just nail her and move on.
markli 2
At least you'll know she isn't faking it
yayitsmari 0
hey sometimes a girl just needs an ****** to get her through the day