Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I took my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's apartment for her to exchange his spare car keys for some of her grandmother's items. I waited outside in the parking lot for an hour, with no idea which door was his. She came out no longer a virgin. FML
Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML
Today, I had an amazing date with my girlfriend. Everything was going great, until I locked my keys in the car. It then started raining. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML
Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML
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Top comments
Cinn_fml 23
That's one way of doing it. But there is probably a better way of telling you what you need to give her.
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
Just do oral I guess? Or, like the guys above me are saying, take something of hers!
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Comments (274)
perdix 31
You do know where they are hidden, right? Hint: When you find them, they are going to be wet and smelly. You are obviously a fail at *******, so he's what you do: Watch lesbian **** and learn to eat a pussy from those who own them. Then, limber up your tongue, nom, nom, nom and "see the U.S.A. in your Chevrolet!"
Alleged_Cranium 7
Fair trade: You don't get a proper ride Until she gets a proper ride
redark 0
not an fml thats good lots of sex
Zombie65 0
quit being selfish and give her what she needs YDI
vystral 0
So do it. Even women who can't do it with intercourse are able to ******
blackvyper 8
So you never got those keys back huh?
ry_ry7 4
Most people complain about too little sex. You are seriously complaining, in all actuality, about too much sex? Wow.
fcryingoutloud 9
This is, or has become, an abusive relationship. Try to reverse the genders; say, a man pressuring a reluctant girlfriend into oral sex by hiding her car keys. Expecting men to "perform" in bed is sexist and may be, as feminists like to say, more about power than about sex. At any rate, it takes all the pleasure out of sex and if the desperately undersexed of the internet knew what they were talking about, they'd prefer to stay undersexed.
caboose003 0
117 totally agree!
PickleSurprise 6
Agreed with 117. Abusive relationship can be any relationship with intimacy and a male can be sexually coerced just as a female can be
TheNewGuy03 29
finally, people who think with their other head (or talk with their other lips, as the case may be). people still also seem to be under the impression that domestic violence doesn't occur to men, but that's a different story. more news at 5. |the kid|
Lisa89 3
I'm surprised so many YDI. She sounds a bit immature. If she wants an ****** she should communicate with him and tell him what she wants instead of being childish. If she has to 'force' him [taking his keys] to do it he probably isn't all that great a guy anyway (or she isn't all that great). I guess OP, just ask her what she wants and give her a night to remember.
ImaWiseGuy 5
did you read post? she told him exactly what she wants from him.....if it's come to her holding his keys hostage im sure this isnt the first time they've had this conversation.....
loveofyourlife11 0
just because she said she wanted an ****** doesn't exactly mean she told him what she wanted. I believe Lisa meant that op's girlfriend needs to tell him how she likes it in order for her to reach the climax she is asking for. not all women can climax from the same thing. women all have their own buttons that need to be pushed in order to reach said climax. and the girlfriend needs to express what those certain things are and where the buttons are that need pushing. I agree with Lisa.
joa76 3
To be fair, she might not KNOW what it takes for her to ******, which would make telling him difficult. I agree, though, taking his keys and trying to force him into it is rather immature.
loveofyourlife11 0
that's true. I didn't think about that. though if she doesn't know, that's and fml on her part as well! maybe they should experiment and find out what makes her climax together.
BRenolds 0
Dude. Nice. I will never understand how someone could complain about this.
ollk33 0
true he must be gay....