Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
paperfox_fml 0
Oh, #7, fantastic idea. Keep an animal you don't want or can't care for because it's 'cute' and 'it'd be a waste of money' to make sure it gets a home with someone who can actually look after it. How about we forget the money aspect and think about, oh I don't know, the animal's WELFARE?
smartornot 0
Can I have the turtle? And anyway, you should be happy. Turtles are cool!
nibas 0
wow u need help. how is this an fml? in any way? whatsoever? thats just dumb. quit life if your about to spasm over what your going to do with a turtle you don't want. let me give u an idea. take the turtle to ur gf under one arm and in the other a knife. "You take it or it dies right now you bitch" u dont have to be that big of an asshole but that's one way to get rid of it. ppl like u make fml no fun. thank god theres enough ppl out there with good fml stories
Desertman123 4
HEY YOU! MY NAME IS ANDRE asshole
xabringr 0
^.^ that's a cool name.
grlwitperlEring 0
More like F the Turtle's Life It's not really that big of a deal just give it to an animal shelter or insist she take it
wienerwagon 0
Honestly, you should have done this research before buying a pet. You deserve it.
F_Y_Comments 0
Try to find it a nice home, #28 sounds keen. But YDI for agreeing to get it when together, never do that, I nearly ended up with two evil rabbits, obviously I wore the trousers so put my foot down on where they should go.
Pineconez 0
Give it to the nature center, they'd take it.
happylittleman 0
Whaaaat? Every couple MONTHS? What kind of ******* terrible turtle owner are you? They need their tank cleaned AT LEAST every other week, even with a filter.
smartornot 0
BTW: I have a pet turtle. I just feed it once a day and clean the tank every few months. It's not hard. What kind of turtle is it?
smartornot 0
LOL #36! The OP should prepare in case the turtle tries to kill him for thinking of leaving it...