Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (366)
deaditegirl 0
Put an ad to sell it/give it away on Craigslist or something and quit whining.
No_Life23 0
43 posts and not a single "I like turtles"? I'm disappointed. But in all seriousness, turtles are awesome.
stephanieeDawnx 0
I like turtles..
Allybudda 0
turtles get huge too! They are actually pretty high maintenance...well, my red-eared sliders were.
intrepid00 0
Expose it to toxic waste. Make sure you have pizza nearby. Don't worry a giant rat will come along to relieve you of your burden shortly afterwards.
SuperDuperMan 0
get over yourself
elloelle 0
Free Andre! Let him live the life of the wild he was meant to live!!! Free the beast! Then you wouldn't have to mess with him...
paperfox_fml 0
#47, I think you need to gain an understanding of what happens when an animal's owners have no knowledge of its needs and don't want to take responsibility for it. Seriously, go volunteer at a local centre for a few weeks. See the animals that come in for stupid reasons, see them sit around for weeks and months in a place that simply doesn't have the resources to do anything more than meet their most basic needs, see the abuse and neglect cases, see the people that dedicate their whole ******* lives on low or no pay to cleaning up these messes. Then come back and tell me I need to calm down.
Topguy 0
That's a nice reminder
Allybudda 0
#6, wow, you so smart.
Makinitez 0
Dude, kill that ************ =P