Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
madlogik 0
ship it back to her via purolator lmao. ... still. fyl if you never wanted the turtle in the 1 st. place!!!
NickelPhosphate 0
Haha! Well. It's still a living animal, so please please please do not do anything cruel to it. Bring it to a local animal shelter or pet store and explain your situation, I'm sure you'll get some help.
SasuNaru_fml 0
What's wrong with turtles?
_W_T_F_ 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
i say take care of it for a while, then cook it wen it gets big enough, that way it solves 2 problems: getting rid of the turtle, and ur hunger
Dothewiggleyeah 0
Dope!
emmabear1995 18
You both have some issues to work out.
sirjohnly 0
Heres an Idea: --> Cook the turtle and invite your ex over for a friendly dinner. Serve it to her and tell her about it AFTER she's eaten it. If she tries calling some animal protection service, throw away your cage and deny ever owning a turtle.
_khAttAm_ 0
This would be a fantastic idea. But killing the turtle is not. Give the turtle to someone you don't know and won't ever meet again. Just cook some other meat and invite her to dinner and tell her that it was the turtle that she gifted. Keep the bill of meat purchase if some animal rights protection activists show up.
UbeenKAKed 0
This is a fantastic idea. You should take a video of you cooking the turtle, then after dinner show her the video. After the video, ask her if she wants dessert.
wbrycem 0
14 - stfu
sharkshaveteeth 0
If you don't want the turtle, please find a good home for it where it will not be released into the wild because the little fella probably wouldn't survive. :-(. It is more of a FML for the turtle. So I was adopted by what I thought would be a loving family... My "mom" left my "dad" and now it turns out that he never wanted me to begin with. FML!
wbrycem 0
14 - stfu
blue8795 0
How is this an FML? GIve the turtle away, or sell it.
redsoxsuck94 0
I agree with #4