Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
sadoc 0
turtle soup?
_W_T_F_ 0
o and remmember to kill it first, dont boil it while it still alive, thats justy mean
hey123hey123 0
nj
paperfox_fml 0
Please take it to a decent rescue centre or rehome it yourself privately. Don't just pass it off to whoever will take it; try to make sure whoever it goes to actually knows something about the animal, unlike you and your retarded girlfriend. -.- And next time someone tries to bully you into randomly buying an animal you don't want and have no understanding of, man the **** up and tell them no, and why it's a bad idea. People like your stupid bitch of an ex are why rescue centres are full to bursting with animals no one wants. Maybe she should volunteer at a local centre, help out the people who spend their lives cleaning up the messes people like her leave behind. On the bright side, this FML is a shining example of why buying an animal with no prior research is REALLY ******* RETARDED. Poor sodding turtle.
piratezombiedino 0
Maybe you should've done the research before you bought it "together," willing or not. #25 - You're amazing. I agree completely.
nibas 0
are u ******* dumb? just get rid of it. how is this an fml. wow. u need help.
missshortstack 0
Just let it go in some pond or lake.
mattmag 0
I hear this guy called Craig made some sort of List that solves these problems.
popeawesome 0
I'll take it!
Foxracin 0
Give it away or give it to a pet store. Or RUN OVER IT!!
Xero3g 5
Feed it to her.