Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
majdoub 0
slap the **** and shove the turtle down her mouth
flyingpan8 0
well, time for some turtle soup! i remember when i was little, we would let our turtle used roam around the garden and just be real chilled out. except this one day it decided to venture into the garage and "rest" under the car.. of course, we only found this out after we had driven the car out of the garage and heard a rather loud crunch. traumatic really. all the tuetle kill talk brought back some pretty disturbing memories. bring it to a shelter man. an innocent turtle shouldn't bear the brunt of your bitchy ex gf.
genius_man16 1
put it in a basket and then leave the turtle on her front doorstep
kristysnow_live 0
I really don't see what's so bad about this situation. Definitely not a FML at all.
wowfmlife 0
i want a turtle so bad! but Andre is a pretty gay turtle name
vicv666 0
this is not an FML your life is not f*** you can throw it away, go to a pet shop and donate it, or give it to someone
milenavessylo 0
tell her you need to stay together until the turtle turns 18, otherwise the turtle will feel like it was his fault :P
BAbyR 0
andre. lmao
pkulaga 0
sucks to be the turtle. it's not that difficult to give them away though. just post an ad on craigslist or something. or if you are in college, it will be even easier, just make sure the people you give it to are actually responsible enough to take care of the little guy. i don't really recommend keeping the turtle... you never wanted it to begin with. you'll just start to resent it and its association with your ex. find him a nice loving home, forget about your ex, and if your next gf wants a pet, make sure she knows its HER pet and not "OUR" pet.
coopert28 0
I don't get it