Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (366)
atomick 0
http://www.nolacuisine.com/2005/10/20/creole-turtle-soup-recipe/ Or if you're feeling less cruel. www.craigslist.com
mobius8 0
Ex's doorstep. Dead or alive, depending on how the break up was.
mjsdabeast 0
Just kill it. They r unhealthy anyways.
mexicansweetie48 0
just get rid of it: sell it, give it away. gosh this isnt an FML.
abcdefg11233 0
sell it!! make some cash from your breakup!
SS240 0
Give it to a shelter, you're a horrible person for getting it to begin with. You're the worst type of pet owner.
2talll 0
Tell her you're going to let it go free, and whatever happens to it, so be it. Worked when my ex tried leaving the hampsters we bought "together" when she left. Or just stick it in a box and drop it off at her place.
IllegalLight 0
Sell it. Flush it. Abandon it. Re-gift it. I'm sure you have several options. This isn't a very good FML.
newbieattech 0
quit whining and sell it on ebay for 150% of what you bought it for you can take advantage of the situation at least and get some quick cash people will buy anything on that site. XOXO, good luck
b00stFeD 0
Turtle soup ^_^