Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
Azz91 0
Turtle soup...... its all Im going to say
retardthinkswhat 3
Donate it or something
Avenging_Angel 0
This is what you do: go to her house when you KNOW she's home, ring the door bell, leave the tank, turtle, and its supplies, and then RUN!!
nprugby11 0
What's the problem? Sell the turtle, make a profit and allow someone else to live with Andre for the next few decades, or failing that, you have a pet turtle!
WFMS 0
Give it to a zoo or something
gingermonster16 0
Change it's name pleaaaase.
elloelle 0
Turtles might be high maintenance as a pet, but they aren't nearly as fragile as these people are making them out to be. If it's still a young turtle, natural instincts will kick in if you release it into the wild. It's not like the momma turtle has to train, teach, and wean the newborn turtle. That's the mammal way of doing things...and other animal phyla closely related to us. The turtle mortality rate is high. They have shells and can handle the wild. These animals can actually live quite a while without water. Research your turtles natural habitat and see if you think it can adapt to one near you easily. I doubt it will be that drastic for the little guy. Mother nature will decide. Oh and here's a little tidbit of info that is quite crazy. Turtles can breathe through their anus!!! I know...mind boggling, right? I do not lie....
FredZoise 2
leave it outside her door if she wanted it in the 1st place
xabringr 0
Wait, if it has a high mortality rate, doesn't that mean that a large percentage of them die? Maybe I'm just confused...that was always my understanding of the phrase...
thisislove_fml 0
not really an FML.. give it away accidentally " loose " it .. like.. in a mud puddle :D ! haha.
Cittenscollar 0
You should NEVER release an animal to the wild, idiot. Ever heard of Australia?
Makinitez 0
"I like turtles."