Today, I got back from a service trip to Kenya, where I had no... - FML

By APRRECIATION - 24/5/2009 06:46 - Canada

Today, I got back from a service trip to Kenya, where I had no running water or electricity. I encouraged my friends to go green and help raise awareness by conserving as much electricity as possible. I return home to find that all my lights have been on for 2 weeks. FML

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Billy no-mates

Basic Instinct

Deep-seated resentment

By Red-cheeked - 18/5/2011 13:08

Today, at work, somebody stole my sunglasses. Fed up with the constant theft in my office, I stormed up to my boss, as he had long ago promised to catch the thief. He listened patiently to my rant before pointing out that my sunglasses were on my head. FML

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By WoofWoof - 27/9/2020 14:01 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Comedian

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML

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By Jill - 25/2/2010 01:26 - France

Today, a friend of mine commented that I "have a lot of confidence for a fat girl". Ummm... thanks? FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2014 00:20 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, my dad was doing FaceTime with a friend. He turned his iPhone towards my sister and said "There's my daughter..." He then turned it to me and said "...and there's my ugly son", then walked away. I'm still not sure if it's a joke or not. FML

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By Spoilicious - 5/11/2012 15:58 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was reading a book in public. Some bastard stranger came over and started spoiling the plot for me. FML

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By regected - 30/8/2009 12:19 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with the girl I liked. She kept on eating my popcorn so I whispered in her ear "Pretty soon your going to have to repay me with kisses." Then she looked at me and walked out the theatre. She came back with a bucket of popcorn and said "Here, you're repaid." FML

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By jess - 24/12/2018 04:00

Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML.

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2012 06:25 - United States - Bedford

Today, my neighbors got a motion sensor light that points at my window. It's so sensitive that it goes off every time an insect flies past. FML

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By Mik - 8/6/2011 03:05 - United States

Today, I was bored. Some people would've called up friends to hang out. Not me. I had the sudden urge to make an entire Excel Spreadsheet on how much I've spent on iTunes, month-by-month. I'm not sure what's worse, that I got really into it, or that I've spent nearly $800.00 on iTunes. FML

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By anouk05 - 15/10/2010 05:13 - Switzerland

Today, my boyfriend told me "don't worry, someday you'll be mature as well." By this, he meant that I will be willing to have sex with him in public. FML

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By Noname - 11/3/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my Father over top of me saying "nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burgler and he knocked me out. FML

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By Username - 27/6/2011 08:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came before I'd even unbuttoned my pants. FML

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By Glutton - 28/1/2010 01:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I started our diet. After a long day of being held accountable for every calorie I ate, I went home to sneak a snack. My boyfriend came over to surprise me, and found me on the couch shoveling left-over Indian food into my mouth. FML

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By Megan - 23/2/2009 16:47 - Canada

Today, my mum came home from a business trip. My four-year-old brother, who I'd been watching, told her I was "sexing" my boyfriend a lot after I put him to bed. After lots of arguing, she banned me from seeing him and took my car away. Only much later did I realize my brother meant "texting". FML

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By Matt - 15/10/2009 23:17 - United States

Today, I realized that choosing to live in the honors dorms was a terrible mistake. Quiet hours start at 6 PM and the only exception is if you are a member of the university marching band, which means you can practice your instrument at anytime in the lounge... located next to my room. FML

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By tickdog - 19/3/2012 03:09 - United States - Rockwall

Today, I got my dog back from my aunt. Rather than taking him to an actual groomer, I gave him to my aunt because she needed a few extra bucks. My generosity lost me $35, and gave my dog ticks and a bad haircut. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2013 23:22 - United States

Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML

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By bluediva24 - 26/1/2011 00:54

Today, I spent all day preparing a big, elaborate Italian dinner for my boyfriend, who recently discovered he was part Italian. He came home, turned up his nose and said "I was in the mood for Chinese". FML

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By oh.geez - 5/2/2012 08:00 - United States

Today, my fiancé has decided to become my cat's personal trainer. This includes talking to the cat, attempting to motivate him to run up and down the stairs and telling the cat to call him "Coach Daddy". I now have a crazy fiancé and a very angry cat. FML

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By Rob - 7/11/2018 03:00

Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML

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By MyPrecious... - 11/3/2015 00:33 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I thought the ring my boyfriend bought for me had fallen off while emptying the trash into the bin. After panicking and emptying a week's worth of rubbish onto the ground, I found my ring safe and sound. On my other hand. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2018 13:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I had a job interview. I got there as quick as I could, having to travel 2 hours into a city I'd never been to. When I arrived, they told me I was turned down for being too late. They'd rescheduled the interview an hour earlier and I wasn't notified of the change. FML

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By ex-wife - 25/5/2018 09:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I found out that my 50-year-old ex-husband and the 20-year-old skank he cheated on me with are buying the house next door to me. FML

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By oink oink... - 12/10/2013 13:19 - United States - Mason

Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML

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By whatislife1969 - 8/10/2017 04:30

Today, my work had an employee party at the park and I drank a little too much vodka. Towards the end of the party, I found myself making out with a tree in front of all my co-workers. FML

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By heathen atheist - 17/9/2020 10:01

Witnessed

Today, during a family road trip, my mom decided to spring a surprise conversion on us. This included screaming bible verses, blasting crazy gospel music and sobbing that we needed to repent before we’re all condemned to hell for eternity. She did this for 4 hours straight. FML

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By lily - 13/9/2020 14:01 - United States

Disinterested

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I slightly opened my eyes during it and saw him with his eyes wide open, watching TV. FML

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By get a grip, son - 30/5/2014 20:37 - United States - Pooler

Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML

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By freshman - 25/3/2011 23:05 - Canada

Today, to make my dorm neighbours think I'm popular, I blasted music and screamed at the top of my lungs so it sounded like I was having a party. My residence manager slapped me with a noise violation, and demanded to come in to make sure we weren't drinking. I had to explain why I was by myself. FML

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By Alex - 7/10/2010 10:10 - United States

Today, I noticed that my wife changed her status on Facebook to "widow" and a lot of strange guys commented saying stuff like "Finally." Last I checked, I'm not dead. FML

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By Mel - 11/9/2018 14:30

Today, I woke up to find out my cat pissed in my laundry from last night. This includes underwear, so I had to go commando. I grabbed an old T-shirt and pants at the bottom of a drawer and left for school. Turns out the pants had a hole in the crotch and my period was due. FML

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By Kelly - 2/4/2012 18:44 - United States - Roseville

Today, I found out that all the things I've lent to my best friend over the last few years that have never been returned were actually pawned off so she could pay her cable bill. FML

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By rescuetheduck - 10/4/2012 19:26 - Finland - Joensuu

Today, I was at the grocery store, waiting in line to pay. A man jumped me from behind, and my first reflex was to brutally elbow him in the face. I soon discovered my attacker was one of the patients at the disability house at which I work, and he was trying to hug me. FML

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By Ren - 28/12/2012 07:49 - United States - Medina

Today, I went shopping. At the counter, the cashier started flirting with me and asked me for my number. He was cute, so I gave it to him. After walking out of the store, I got a text that said, "I didn't want to say it out loud, but your pants are unzipped." FML

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By catlover - 20/5/2009 09:07 - Australia

Today, my cat kept sneezing all morning so I took her to the vet. $150 later and the vet says she's fine. I get home and the noise starts up again. My automatic air freshener spray sounds just like my cat sneezing. FML

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By "Cass Lyles" - 22/12/2019 20:00

It was a phone call

Today, I was talking to my fiancé on the phone. I said "alright see you in 10 minutes babe". My boss must have thought I was talking to him because he said "alright (my name) see you later". FML

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By no one - 21/5/2011 09:07 - United States

You've got a friend

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

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By vikhelios - 30/1/2010 18:45 - France

Today, my heating broke. It's 22 degrees outside, and my father won't let us call someone to fix it because apparently the cold helps the soul grow. FML

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By Rowaelin16 - 23/9/2016 03:31 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, in an effort to be fitter, I joined a Pilates class. Ten minutes into it, I dropped a 10-pound dumbbell on my face. I now have a horrific looking black eye, and half of my cheek is a mottled green color. Not to mention the cut above my eye that needed 4 stitches. FML

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By freed - 29/1/2014 05:13 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

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Top comments

By noshitsherlock | 0

#225622 - Sunday 24 May 2009 16:00

WTF you deserve it. Why didn't you check before you left?

By alisalei | 0

#225627 - Sunday 24 May 2009 16:01

ydi definitely. i'm sick of all this "go green" jawn, you guys are all hypocrites.

COMMENTS

By noshitsherlock | 0

#225622 - Sunday 24 May 2009 16:00

WTF you deserve it. Why didn't you check before you left?

By musigreg | 0

#225624 - Sunday 24 May 2009 16:01

Lmao , well aren't you an smart sammy

By alisalei | 0

#225627 - Sunday 24 May 2009 16:01

ydi definitely. i'm sick of all this "go green" jawn, you guys are all hypocrites.

Reply

marisamaroo93 | 0

#2297463 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 6:32

so true

Reply

marisamaroo93 | 0

#2297465 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 6:32

so true

Reply

Krennicus | 0

#2969085 - Monday 25 July 2011 3:32

I know right. We should go back to the good ole days where toxic waste dumped into rivers causes them to catch fire on a hot day. Oh wait, that still happens.

By pokeredface | 1

#225628 - Sunday 24 May 2009 16:02

lolol.. hypocrite muchhhh? xD

By tha_AZN_NvAZN | 0

#225629 - Sunday 24 May 2009 16:02

YDI for forgetting to turn the lights off when you left. And seriously, how much will you have to pay for the electric bill?

By MooKee | 0

#225633 - Sunday 24 May 2009 16:03

hah maybe it will even out?

By The_Cait | 0

#225634 - Sunday 24 May 2009 16:03

HA!

By Sourcandy86 | 0

#225636 - Sunday 24 May 2009 16:03

It's ok, we all make mistakes. Hope you had a rewarding trip to Kenya.

By IllegalLight | 0

#225645 - Sunday 24 May 2009 16:07

How does that happen??

By Figureskater_15 | 0

#225650 - Sunday 24 May 2009 16:09

it happens.
just go green now ..cause that doesnt really count. FYL