Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
scaredofgirls 0
kill it.
allmidnighteyes 11
Backing #23 all the way.
wretcheddawn 0
Nothing a .22 can't solve...or a bat...or you could just give it away..
No_Life23 0
Turtles are awesome.
elle17_fml 0
#25 I think you need to calm down. seriously.
angorashi 0
Just dump it in the nearest pond! Let 'nature' take its own bitching course. I hate turtles, if this happened to me i really would just dump it anywhere 5+ miles away. Or give it to a pet shop, perhaps? W/e, just don't keep it =D
plexico 4
Make turtle soup and rent "My Dinner With Andre." Problem solved and Irony Quotient of the universe jumps up! It's a good thing you consulted the Collective Unconscience on this one.
empire88 0
Turtle stew YUMMMMMMM
happyvalleygirl 0
Craigslist?
ziqi92 0
the poor turtle! neglected!