Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
Gmmstr827 0
Dude make turtle soup... apparently it's really good.
penisface69 17
omg some people here are so mean. find it a good home. dont hurt it.
XoD 0
a great trick for cooking turtle, boil it live like lobster turtle tries to escape leaving you with an empty & shiny turtle shell you can leave on her doorstep or keep for yourself u can then do like a million things with the turtle from making soup to bbq ing it lol
kimzy96 0
HOW THE HELL CAN U SAY THAT!!! that is horrible!!! u have no feelings!!! turltes are the awsomest animals in the world!!!
canadadry113 0
If you really don't want the turtle, DO NOT KILL IT! Turtles are living animals too... you could take it to a shelter or give it away. Please don't hurt it, it never did anything to you!
AvinG 0
Find some pond and set it free, even if it dies later on, untill then it will be happy in its natural environment.
themanistheman 0
Andre can spend a lot longer than 30 years buried in your backyard...starting tonight.
themanistheman 0
Haha..do all that except actually hurt it.
Hoogyme 0
well you could make a good soup!
fizzleRAWR 0
Give it to some family if they want it, sell it, donate it to a pet store, or a wildlife centre. ...or put it in a box and put it on her front step when she's not home, so that when she gets back, sh gets it.
fycezwcybgtxezw 0
my name is Andre