Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
timtimcity 0
I love turtles
blackbear6193 0
only half of this is an fml. you can always put the turtle in a shelter or a home. so.......if the only fml part is u breaking up, thats not the end of the world. tons of people break up every day. not so sound mean. things will turn around.
LesYeuxDeDario 0
give him a the second name agassi and make him a tennis legend
Gretta_J 1
If you're not going to take care of Andre, which is an awesome name, please try to find a good home for him. Ask people you know have the resources to take care of turtles. Don't just release him if he's an invasive species. And killing him is pretty sick considering he's your pet. You kind of brought this on yourself by letting your girlfriend bully you. Also, some of you people are downright scary. I seriously hope you never have pets.
JRSpaniel 0
Put it on Craigslist.
akfml 0
sell it!
New_York_fml 0
I'm with everyone that said put in on craigslist and have someone else take care of it.
were_giraffe 2
turtle soup? but seriously ... give it away, or perhaps see if a zoo wants it i will recommend you DON'T just toss it into the wild... it hasn't had to fend for itself and that'll be pretty crappy... it's not the turtle's fault you broke up after all
Amkii 0
Give it back to her if she really wanted it so badly.
boricua_4life407 5
LMFAO @ 4 but that poor turtle; =[ doesn't know what's going on! =[ but you shoudl give it away to an animal shelter or sell it? =] -good luck