Today, I was leaving my friends' apartment in my mom's car and...

By why me?? - 7/8/2013 04:21 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was leaving my friends' apartment in my mom's car and I backed into a fire hydrant. I lied and told my mom it was a hit and run. So she called the apartment complex. They had me on video hitting the fire hydrant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22039

You deserved it

59430

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Don't give up

Everyone's an expert

Peaky Bladders

By Maddie - 22/3/2011 15:39

Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26405

You deserved it

12908

Favorite

By AnonWife - 22/1/2014 01:16 - United Kingdom - Scunthorpe

Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67167

You deserved it

9378

Favorite

By Mike - 31/10/2009 04:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5 year old daughter figured out how to use the microwave, microwaving my brand new 3G iphone. It was completely wrecked. So was the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36769

You deserved it

6704

Favorite

By Monty Python's Flying Circus - 19/5/2017 04:00

Today, it's been three weeks since my son found my old red dress and hat outfit in the attic, and like every day since then, he has been putting it on and bursting into rooms without warning and shouting, "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!" He's almost 18 and going to college in September. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3968

You deserved it

908

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/12/2013 21:06 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56866

You deserved it

10929

Favorite

By neighbor - 26/1/2014 13:08 - Australia - Mosman

Today, I was helping my elderly neighbor carry her groceries into her kitchen. When I finished, she sighed and said, "You're such a sweet girl. It's just a shame about your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51762

You deserved it

3995

Favorite

By BrisbaneCoop - 4/4/2011 17:13 - Australia

Today, my fiancé and I visited his family for dinner. The entire time I was there, his mother and sister had an in depth conversation about how attractive his ex girlfriends were and how they got along with them so well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36161

You deserved it

3064

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/11/2018 15:30

Today, a week after my son was born via C-section, I received 3 messages from 3 different women saying that they had recently slept with my fiancé. One of them said they tested positive for herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3711

You deserved it

217

Favorite

By idiot - 4/1/2013 10:13 - Sweden

Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25036

You deserved it

12849

Favorite

By beagle1 - 3/4/2012 15:10 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I met separately with the President and Chairman of the company regarding a product that I'm designing. Each ordered me to do the opposite of whatever the other instructed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26063

You deserved it

2373

Favorite

By cpiro - 27/5/2020 05:00

Live from the chopper

Today, my friend borrowed my car and decided to get pulled over after a high speed chase. My car got towed in a town over 100 miles away. Choose your friends wisely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1413

You deserved it

284

Favorite

By cb - 25/11/2013 18:58 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I have to spend the whole day in a moving truck with my dad. He had beans for dinner, and it's too cold to crack open a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41969

You deserved it

4038

Favorite

By GM38 - 23/6/2012 02:57 - United States - Melbourne

Today, I divorced my husband of 20 years. The only positive thing about my day was my pregnancy test. Yes, it was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30967

You deserved it

8959

Favorite

By Sal - 5/12/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I found out I have to give my father-in-law back the football tickets he gave me for my birthday. Why? His girlfriend decided she wanted to go. He didn't get me a different gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29235

You deserved it

2473

Favorite

By poop - 3/4/2013 18:45

Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44770

You deserved it

6594

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/1/2013 12:20 - Slovakia

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35981

You deserved it

9569

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/10/2019 16:02

Once you see it…

Today, it was brought to my attention that my dog has a giant anus. I'd never noticed. Now I can't stop staring at his silver dollar-sized backdoor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1270

You deserved it

269

Favorite

By Arcanin3Boss - 23/6/2015 06:37 - United States - Portland

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27265

You deserved it

5918

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/10/2010 06:47 - United States

Today, for my Teen Living class, all the students got a fake baby. In order to stop the baby from crying, you have to use the bracelet they provide. I lost the bracelet. I have the baby all weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9641

You deserved it

40803

Favorite

By Anon - 18/12/2013 09:56 - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I had to pee during a supervised lockdown. I asked my teacher to take me since we couldn't be in the halls alone. Since class was going, she couldn't take me. Much to my dismay, she sent a school-wide email asking for someone to take me to pee. Six teachers took me, including my principal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49368

You deserved it

5221

Favorite

By Shortround - 30/9/2012 12:56 - United States - Wheaton

Today, I had three things stolen: my phone, my iPod, and my girlfriend. All by the same guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36059

You deserved it

2895

Favorite

By babydoll - 12/10/2010 09:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was traveling by bus. There were no spare seats, so I stood next to a seated lady. When she got off at her stop, I was amused because her bum made the shape of a mushroom on the seat. I went to sit on it. So I'm sitting there when I realise the seat is really warm... and wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34905

You deserved it

8317

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/2/2012 17:45

Today, I was attacked by a bird at 3 in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No-one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27892

You deserved it

2194

Favorite

By ugh annoying - 1/7/2011 07:41 - United States

Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37081

You deserved it

3955

Favorite

By f - 31/1/2011 05:47

Today, I was attacked by my dad because I got my hair dyed and he thought I was a robber. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30175

You deserved it

7837

Favorite

By Rockyio - 30/9/2009 17:45 - Canada

Today, it's my birthday. My best friend called me at work and offered to take me out to lunch. When he went to pay for the meal, his card was declined so I told him not to worry and that I would pay for the birthday meal. He looked at me and said "It's your birthday?" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39134

You deserved it

3575

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/11/2010 15:51 - United States

Today, I woke up to a man stroking my leg while smelling my hair. I asked my roommate who he was and she said, "Oh, that's just my brother. He needs a place to stay and he will be living with us until June. Didn't I tell you that?" No, you didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36547

You deserved it

2756

Favorite

By KilledTheMoment - 23/11/2014 06:10 - United States - Mundelein

Today, I spent nearly an hour helping a customer pick out an engagement ring. I rang him up, picked out a super cute box for the ring, and wished him luck. Later I realized I never put the ring inside the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34962

You deserved it

17763

Favorite

By seamonkeys - 21/3/2013 09:42 - United States

Today, a pregnant friend who is due in 2 weeks posted a picture of a baby on Facebook. I commented congratulations. She's still pregnant. It was a picture of her baby who died 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55189

You deserved it

13030

Favorite

By bastard magnet - 2/10/2011 22:14 - United States

Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29920

You deserved it

7905

Favorite

By VoiceMail - 9/4/2011 12:53 - Australia

Today, when I picked up my repeat subscription of anti-anxiety medication, they had changed the packaging to be more 'child safe'. Now it's so hard to get the pills out that I had an anxiety attack trying to take one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35127

You deserved it

7829

Favorite

By Anon - 23/6/2014 23:13 - United States - Denton

Today, after nearly a year of being stalked, harassed and even terrorized, the police finally found out who my stalker was. It was my 19-year-old son, who thought it would be a fun prank to pull. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52753

You deserved it

5934

Favorite

By Anon - 31/10/2009 11:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I invited my very animal phobic boyfriend over. I have a dog and a rabbit, who are always well behaved so I insisted they wouldn't do him any harm. My dog peed all over his shoes and my rabbit furiously humped his leg and wouldn't let go. He's now even more terrified of animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32587

You deserved it

12111

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/4/2020 05:00

Unhygienic or he's a natural hunter-gatherer

Today, I found my missing wedding band inside my 2-year old's pull up. It was accompanied by two coins, a Hot Wheels car, a pebble, and a dead bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1479

You deserved it

259

Favorite

By Lonely - 24/11/2009 10:49 - United States

Today, I had a date in my dreams. It was a pity date, with someone who is already taken. I can't even get a real date in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31477

You deserved it

3944

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 17:16 - Australia

Today, an old man started telling me about the high price of meat. I told him I wouldn't know, since I'm a vegetarian. His reply was, "Oh, most vegetarians are slimmer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28818

You deserved it

8921

Favorite

By moe472 - 24/1/2012 02:47 - United States

Today, my boss fired me because I look like her ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32735

You deserved it

2472

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/10/2019 22:00 - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Family Fortunes

Today, I met the family of the guy I’m seeing, and they are all amazing. I’m scared to tell him I have a schizophrenic mum and a raging alcoholic dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1639

You deserved it

Favorite

By Noname - 24/2/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, I got up early and really put some extra effort into my appearance to catch the eye of a cute guy at work. I walked in and the woman that sits in the desk beside me looks over and says, "wow, are you sick? You're not looking too good." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43147

You deserved it

4889

Favorite

By ditzen - 7/12/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my paycheck at the convenience store I work at. While there, two frat boys came in and bought seventeen 30 packs of beer. That comes to about $300. They spent more at the store in one day than I get paid in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31629

You deserved it

4445

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By fleur_de_fevrier_fml | 22

#5616756 - Wednesday 7 August 2013 12:17

Next time come clean... It's not like you did it on purpose...

By Treveyon56 | 14

#5616757 - Wednesday 7 August 2013 12:17

That's all on you dude.

COMMENTS

By fleur_de_fevrier_fml | 22

#5616756 - Wednesday 7 August 2013 12:17

Next time come clean... It's not like you did it on purpose...

buckerado | 19

#5617111 - Wednesday 7 August 2013 17:28

Well technically, it was a hit and run...Only OP hit the fire hydrant and ran. I know that it's a stretch, but think about it.

caohm | 18

#5617361 - Wednesday 7 August 2013 20:04

it's dangerous being that stupid

By Treveyon56 | 14

#5616757 - Wednesday 7 August 2013 12:17

That's all on you dude.

By webbface | 25

#5616764 - Wednesday 7 August 2013 12:20

Haha wow that blows! I can't stop laughing! Sucks for you OP, should have just been honest. Accidents do happen!

By CookieLovesBoo | 16

#5616767 - Wednesday 7 August 2013 12:22

Never lie to the mother - she has eyes in the back of her head , and knowledge .

iAlissa | 34

#5617453 - Wednesday 7 August 2013 21:22

Or they just had proof on a video. ._.

rememberkids | 14

#5617488 - Wednesday 7 August 2013 21:47

moms ALWAYS find out! I've learned that lesson...

LowExpectations | 30

#5617525 - Wednesday 7 August 2013 22:25

I have to lie to my mother as she can't handle truth. In fact, I lie so much to her it's damn near a language. That and she often lies to me so I see where I get it from.