Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
Muninn 0
Hey, reptile show. Seriously. They happen regularly in nearly every state in the US, and there are quite a few in other countries, too. If you take Andre there and walk around for a bit, odds are you can find a breeder or other turtle enthusiast there who has experience with turtles, and will either be happy to take him in, or have a MUCH easier time finding a qualified "pet parent" than the average person might.
easylazy 0
WHO GIVES A ****?? ITS A FREAKING TURTLE; BIG WHOOP MAN UP A LITTLE BIT MAYBE IF YOU COULD HANDLE SUCH LITTLE RESPONSIBILITY THAN SHE WOULDNT HAVE DUMPED YOU
gregthestrange 3
^ caps lock; cruise control for awesome and OP, kill it
literalmanchild 0
seriously what the **** is wrong with you people? you're saying 'kill it' like its life has no intrinsic value. you all probably have some sort of horrific psychological disorder, because you certainly act like you're sociopaths
Slypig 0
I was in the exact same situation, except I had two turtles. Whatever you do, don't release it in the wild, it won't survive. Contact your local animal shelters and see if they'll take it.
mattiscool 0
YDI for being a pussy and being whipped by your girl
skygirl27 0
drop it off on her motherfuckin doorstep.
sighs123 0
good idea number 157
Konakona_fml 0
Make turtle soup and give it to your ex-girlfriend....say it's a goodbye gift....>:D
slutybunny777 0
well r u cute cuz if ur not i see why your girlfriend left you hahah