Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
dreamofme 0
Embrace it! Make him live to be a thousand. He can be your rock... in between girlfriends.
citruschick 0
lol Andre the turtle
Scheisse11 0
Get over it. Turtles are awesome, even turtles named Andre!
permanentxmarker 0
put it in a pond or something?
kc2_fml 0
You ever hear how they cook lobster?.. They boil it alive.... Learn how to cook.. Practice on the turtle
SVelasquez 0
Give it away? Put it in the pond? Still, come on. Are turtles really THAT high maintenance?
Heelix 0
Two of my turtles escaped and now survive in a creek out the front of my house.
98_PACKERS 0
escaped? its a turtle. what did they do, climb up the side off the tank and say see ya.
diet_otaku 0
and you can't make your ex take it why? alternately you should have no problem finding a rescue group that will rehome it for you.
TheSickness 0
Hahaha! I agree with number six. xD
Omglikewow 0
YDI totally for not being a man and just say no to buying it in the first place.. You could just 'accidentally forget' to feed it.. It won't last 30 years