Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
whoahanna 0
Just tie a note to it that says "**** you bitch, keep your stupid ass turtle. By the way, the wrinkles on its neck remind me of how loose your ****** is. Stupid, wrinkly *****!" and give it back to her.
nolli024 0
So? You can probably sell it to a pet store.
so_me_fml 0
Ok I laughed. Just at the silliness of the situation though, not really because it qualifies as an FML. Yeesh I never realized how big a deal a turtle was. I caught them every summer for 20 years, kept them till the end of the summer, then let them go again in the creek. I realize not everyone lives near a creek, but gosh, if you got Andre from a pet store, give him back. At least it was a turtle and not a dog or cat. That's why the humane society is so overwhelmed, because ignorant people think it's "cute" to have a puppy, then can't take care of it.
Indiana_fml 4
#25 Full ack. #82 LMAO! Anyway, I don't see why keeping the turtle is a problem. You had to take care of it until now, didn't you? If you think that it reminds you of her, think of this: There are many courageous women who would even carry out a child from a rape because the child itself is innocent! However, anyone who *can't* differentiate between independent beings should better give that being to someone else before he starts abusing it.
augustdanielle 0
It's only a turtle... At least she didn't pop out a baby and leave you that instead.
neonoodle 0
You should pour radioactive waste on it and teach it karate.
LITTLEc0516 0
22. STFU
kellster 2
Way to buy an animal you knew nothing about. Smart thinking there. Just give it away. Place an ad, find it a home, problem solved. NOT an FML.
watermind 0
Two words. Turtle. Soup. I kid. Just drop at her place.
melzy626 0
hahahaha