Today, at my wit's end, I had to have a conversation with my dog's trainer. During the pandemic, my otherwise housebroken dog began to pee in my bathroom whenever my boyfriend and I have sex. Our sex life is suffering and we went from 2-3 times a week to 8 times in the last year… with 8 matching piss puddles. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML
Today, my dog peed on my bed because my parents were presumably having sex and I was too scared to go downstairs and take her out because of it. FML
Today, we learned that our dog can run and urinate simultaneously. The entire house smells like piss. FML
Today, my roommate and I were talking about how much better my dog has gotten at not peeing in the house, and how I was doing better at not losing my temper when he did. A few hours after this conversation, the dog pissed all over the floor and I screamed so loudly that now my throat hurts. FML
Today, my morning started off by stepping in my dog's piss by the door. Then, stepping in my husband's piss by the toilet. FML
Today, after explaining to my four-year-old why our new puppy was peeing on things to mark his territory, my son decided to follow suit and pee all over our house. FML
Today, I was working at 5 am at my office desk when I heard trickling water. I ran to the foyer, turned on the light, expecting to see my incontinent 16 year-old golden retriever. Instead, I witnessed my still drunk, high and comatose husband standing at the top of the stairs pissing on the carpet stairs. Again. FML
Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex in the same bed my dog pooped in because we were both too polite to ask the other person why they smelt like shit. FML
Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the fact that my puppy is potty trained. During the required pet interview, my dog 'got sick' and defecated all over the apartment office. I now have to clean the mess knowing that I will not be allowed to live there. FML
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Top comments
slkeithh 14
Closing the bathroom door or crating him in another room before you get intimate works wonders.
DoctorPALO 14
You had to talk to your dog's trainer? What the hell are they supposed to do about it? Crate the dog with papers or a puppy pad and get on with your life instead of whining and catering to your pet.
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Comments (8)
slkeithh 14
Closing the bathroom door or crating him in another room before you get intimate works wonders.
red6joker 8
If you have a male dog sounds like a territory issue.
Chazzster 32
I agree and the best solution is to get rid of the dog.
DoctorPALO 14
You had to talk to your dog's trainer? What the hell are they supposed to do about it? Crate the dog with papers or a puppy pad and get on with your life instead of whining and catering to your pet.
Chazzster 32
Get rid off the dog. At the very least get him neutered. Your dog considers you as his “territory”.
peterblackmer91 12
Put the dog outside when you have sex.
Lora Wood 11
You let a dog having a tantrum ruin your sex life? Your dog is the boss and you are wearing the collar!
WhataStrangeTripThisIs 24
Kinda what I was thinking. Ummmm, seriously? There has to be a relatively easy solution to this other than having no sex life.
OrySoma 11
dog diapers are a thing
IHaveThePower 18
What vocalisations are you making? If you're being loud, he might think your boyfriend is attacking you and be getting scared. Really, though, leave him outside with a treat and let him go nuts. He won't even notice.