Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
MeowMan 0
microwave it.
LesYeuxDeDario 0
That's what I wanted to say, Make a soup ! and use the shell after as something cool, i dunno... one of those thingys to put out cigarettes or something ... The other thing is you can spend those 30 years with him training him to be a ninja turtle and let him kill your ex...
kaelendra 0
Not really a FML... Make the girl take the pet or advertise somewhere like craigslist or freecycle.
CassandraBear93 0
haha #97 turtle soup recipie sounds good..lol
ohmyjesus_fml 0
you can try selling it or ask local pet stores if they will take it off your hands
jet_fml 0
Gee, you're not that smart, are you? All you have to do is give it away. *eyeroll*
jewelzgalore 0
Aw, I've always wanted a turtle! Don't be cheap, just take care of the poor guy.
coldplaylive2003 0
Squish him
kennakatherine 0
Sell it. I wouldn't take care of a turtle for 30 years.
jerzygurl 0
sorry to hear about that.. thats messed up but take the turtle to a shelter or post an ad online.. i foster homeless animals and always check online to find some that need a new home.. btw turtles ARE very difficult to take care i have a bunch they take a lot of work.. good luck