Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
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Today, my six year old daughter cut out the stomach area of four of my favorite shirts. When I asked her why she had done so she replied, "So that they fit your tummy better, Mommy." FML
Today, my 5 year-old daughter watched me getting dressed in the bathroom and asked, "Mum, when my boobs grow, will they droop like yours?" FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Today, my mother-in-law thought it would be appropriate to give my five-year-old daughter some bedclothes with the Playboy logo all over them. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my family. My five year old goes under the table and says "Mommy! You forgot to wear underwear!" FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
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Top comments
Danny0522 8
So I'm not the only one that wonders...
missababgaga 19
Remind him that he is the father of your "Derp-Derp"
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Comments (154)
Kibaruto 33
This father is awesome. He deserves an award. I'll get the medal, you make the sandwiches. Make sure little derp-derp is dressed appropriate!
BlueberryCrayon5 4
great name
stormstarcj 12
Lmfao
beclaurela 18
I love your husband. xD
techman_321 1
hey! DerpDerp is my WiFi name :D
meljns 7
WTF is Derp Derp? I don't get it.
JAB2010 1
I hope you're being ironic on purpose right now.. (if not, sorry! :) )
Ins0mau 20
39 - You are
greenwich1945 13
'Derp' or other similar names, is a word used to imply stupidity on another's part.
abrons 0
Whata boss!
broadwaybrian 2
That is the funniest ******* shit I've hear all day. Are you serious your husband unleashed comedy gold lol lil derp derp haha
DocBastard 40
"Derp Derp" is comedy gold to you? That's really all it takes to amuse you? Go listen to some Dane Cook then. He'll be right up your alley.
afairshake 8
Agreed wow
broadwaybrian 2
You guys are stiffs stop actin holier then thou Dane cook are you serious? It was cute it made me laugh because I call my cousin that. Stfu acting like your something special because you don't laugh at a dad teasing his daughter. ******* stiffs
Sai_Run614 7
Next time tell her its because mommy's can keep there babies warm all the time, even without clothes. That's what makes mommy's special. Tell your husband to stop. Especially for the fact that you child is showing intelligence. She knows ppl wear clothes and that babies come out naked. She connected the two and asked an intelligent question for a 5 year old. If anything the one that looks like an idiot is your husband.
SApprentice 34
That pretty much says it. She knows what is being said to her, she's intelligent, and one day the degradation will really harm her. It's a form of child abuse.
GypsyRover 0
#49 has no kids and is a derp derp. Lol
perdix 31
She doesn't know the Facts of Life. Once you give her The Talk, she'll know the truth. If Daddy ***** Mommy using baby clothing as a condom, the baby won't be born naked.
AwsumShyGuy 12
She's 5, I think she's too young for "the talk."
firefly319 7
She's 5... and you are a moron.