Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my six year old daughter cut out the stomach area of four of my favorite shirts. When I asked her why she had done so she replied, "So that they fit your tummy better, Mommy." FML
Today, my 5 year-old daughter watched me getting dressed in the bathroom and asked, "Mum, when my boobs grow, will they droop like yours?" FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Today, my mother-in-law thought it would be appropriate to give my five-year-old daughter some bedclothes with the Playboy logo all over them. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my family. My five year old goes under the table and says "Mommy! You forgot to wear underwear!" FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
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Top comments
Danny0522 8
So I'm not the only one that wonders...
missababgaga 19
Remind him that he is the father of your "Derp-Derp"
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Comments (154)
Baller_Bob 17
Hahahahahahahaha derp derp
fantasyworld 39
That's a smart question for her age. Tell your husband to stop, he's making fun of a little kid.
dont4gt 6
Considering children that young don't really know how the digestive tract works, I find her comment quite intelligent. I would have been proud of that question!
heyheyitshailey 17
That is all too precious ? At least it's better than some of the things five-year old are saying nowadays.
hellolaina 18
I've never laughed so hard at an FML before