Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my six year old daughter cut out the stomach area of four of my favorite shirts. When I asked her why she had done so she replied, "So that they fit your tummy better, Mommy." FML
Today, my 5 year-old daughter watched me getting dressed in the bathroom and asked, "Mum, when my boobs grow, will they droop like yours?" FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Today, my mother-in-law thought it would be appropriate to give my five-year-old daughter some bedclothes with the Playboy logo all over them. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my family. My five year old goes under the table and says "Mommy! You forgot to wear underwear!" FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
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Top comments
Danny0522 8
So I'm not the only one that wonders...
missababgaga 19
Remind him that he is the father of your "Derp-Derp"
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Comments (154)
jillpower 0
You should be proud that your daughter is using her cognitive skills to think of something most kids just ask "Where do babies come from?" Your husband is an ass and I find it hilarious that your daughter seems to be more mature than your husband.
MissLizWolf 8
I actually told my family this one, it's hilarious! Favourited!
CarouselHeart 11
Jeez, what a jerk. Most five-year-olds don't even know where babies are from, so a question like that is prettyimpressive.
Negroification 7
Why FML? You're lucky to have such a hilarious husband
cougar41 8
Sorry but your husband needs to grow up. He's a big dick
SuperDuperJuice 3
I find this hilarious.
ItsThisGirl 17
Your husband is an ass.
infinitron 7
Okay...I feel like a bitch for laughing so hard at that. "Derp-Derp"...oh, my sides...XD But in all honesty that was a pretty interesting question from a five-year-old. It just shows she's clever and inquisitive, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
LillyMosca 0
Don't worry..I'm sure shell grow out of it!! Who knows one day maybe you'll be able to look back at this and laugh
LaLince 40
Husband is a dick