Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
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Today, my six year old daughter cut out the stomach area of four of my favorite shirts. When I asked her why she had done so she replied, "So that they fit your tummy better, Mommy." FML
Today, my 5 year-old daughter watched me getting dressed in the bathroom and asked, "Mum, when my boobs grow, will they droop like yours?" FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Today, my mother-in-law thought it would be appropriate to give my five-year-old daughter some bedclothes with the Playboy logo all over them. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my family. My five year old goes under the table and says "Mommy! You forgot to wear underwear!" FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
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Top comments
Danny0522 8
So I'm not the only one that wonders...
missababgaga 19
Remind him that he is the father of your "Derp-Derp"
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Comments (154)
PYLrulz 17
If we are talking ages that goes into double digits, your husband has every right to do that. But to a five year old?!? Safe to say he won't be getting any anytime soon?!?
zakkcarter 7
Hes not insulting his daughter. He thought the question was funny and it is funny. Hes calling her derpy derp because he reddits to much. Looks like you people are the unintelligables for thinking its child abuse. Probably think discipline is abuse to dont you.
Knightchaser27 25
I think he took it to far
GypsyRover 0
Yes he took it way to far! But 53 is right about people crying abuse when they get disciplined or there feelers hurt. Kids these days need there ass whopped more!
ebbalofstedt 9
HAHA
Len_Kagamine 8
What an original and creative comment...
Maddiiiex 1
Your husband is a little mean there -___- Kids don't know any better!
DocBastard 40
If I said something like "Derp Derp" to my 5-year old daughter, I would hope Mrs. Bastard would kick me square in the nuts. This little girl's question was absolutely adorable and innocent, and teasing her for it is repulsive. Your husband should be ashamed of himself.
gigi1981 13
Here here! It was sweet and innocent. We should embrace curiosity not quash it with put downs
GypsyRover 0
Doc hit the nail on the head. If I was the mom he would be on my shit list.
afairshake 8
I couldn't agree more and what a perfect comment you really made me laugh Doc
gigi1981 13
Yes, your husband is a douche! And this fml is more like fhl as she is growing up with a king dick for a father. Children learn what they live and if her own father thinks its appropriate to call her names and put her down what will she learn to think about herself :(
Helskellion 4
She sounds adorable!!
glenna1990 0
Lol
spottyblanket 8
That is so cute!
ash1rose 11
You're husband's a jack-ass. That's a perfectly reasonable question for a child that age. How would she know if she doesn't ask?