Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my six year old daughter cut out the stomach area of four of my favorite shirts. When I asked her why she had done so she replied, "So that they fit your tummy better, Mommy." FML
Today, my 5 year-old daughter watched me getting dressed in the bathroom and asked, "Mum, when my boobs grow, will they droop like yours?" FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Today, my mother-in-law thought it would be appropriate to give my five-year-old daughter some bedclothes with the Playboy logo all over them. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my family. My five year old goes under the table and says "Mommy! You forgot to wear underwear!" FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Danny0522 8
So I'm not the only one that wonders...
missababgaga 19
Remind him that he is the father of your "Derp-Derp"
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (154)
JustKittyKat 24
How cute and hilarious is that?
SneakyCaveman 13
Not very by most people's reactions.
b00ms 1
I thinks it's awesome.
ramakanthsj 3
At least she did not ask you to swallow makeup too
HSOMGF 5
After reading all the spousal dumbassness on this site, I will never get married. Thanks, FML.
laurennnlovelyyy 4
With that sort of ignorance I'd hope not... Don't reproduce either while you're at it.
sirsquab 12
NSA"Today, I came home from a long, tiring day at work. It turns out my husband got off early today, so my favorite meal was waiting when I got home. After dinner he gave me anamazing massage to ease the tension from work. This is not an FML." Yeahhh, people don't post that kind of stuff on the site, and if they do, it doesn't get thru. The site is kinda biased towards negative stories for your information.
sirsquab 12
FML where's the edit button...
micky732 0
This would be a good rage comic for Derp Derp to make when she's a teenager ;)
PYLrulz 17
*12 years later* Derpette: Oh god why
BunchieRules 31
I was thinking more along the lines of Troll Physics. "Babies born naked? 1. Swallow clothes. 2. Have baby. 3. ???? 4. Profit!"
TehCezar 5
I hope rage comics are long dead by the time she's a teenager.
ForeverEminem1 5
86, I hope those dumb cat pictures with weird captions, such as the one you have as your profile picture, are long sinse dead by then. Rage comics are awesome.
PYLrulz 17
I don't have anything against the cat pics, it's the people that respond to them on Cheezeburger. Makes you wonder how they live their lives
NigerianMedicine 11
"Derp-derp?" This gives me a wonderful idea. Thanks.
KiddNYC1O 22
Woah, you definitely live on the edge.
Metallica36176 16
If you actually think about, for a 5 year old that doesn't know any better, it makes sense. o.O like I said...for a 5 year old. She's going to be a good problem solver I think.
spedroza 0
That was cute that your daughter thought that. :) hopefully your husband will stop calling her that though.
Kidkaplan 19
If mommy swallowed the clothes, mommy has problems
Janice_Ian 13
Mocking a five-year-old's intelligence... your husband is a classy guy.
mariof13579 4
And you're a ******* retard.
doglover100 29
She's only 5. Her brain hasn't fully developed logic and reasoning. It's a pretty cute comment for a 5 year old. I hope he stops calling her that.
stephie29 2
Actually she is pretty developed in those areas if she's figured out that a baby is in mommy's tummy and when you eat food it goes to your tummy. Therefore, swallowing clothes will bring them to the baby. Very smart 5 yr old OP's got