Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
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Today, my six year old daughter cut out the stomach area of four of my favorite shirts. When I asked her why she had done so she replied, "So that they fit your tummy better, Mommy." FML
Today, my 5 year-old daughter watched me getting dressed in the bathroom and asked, "Mum, when my boobs grow, will they droop like yours?" FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Today, my mother-in-law thought it would be appropriate to give my five-year-old daughter some bedclothes with the Playboy logo all over them. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my family. My five year old goes under the table and says "Mommy! You forgot to wear underwear!" FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
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Top comments
Danny0522 8
So I'm not the only one that wonders...
missababgaga 19
Remind him that he is the father of your "Derp-Derp"
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Comments (154)
Whachubbleisthis 4
I think she asked a very intelligent question which shows reflective creative thinking since she obviously realised that everybody wears clothes apart from new born babies and she even came up with a solution. You're lucky that your daughter seems to have turned out quite clever even though your husband seems to be a bit of a dimwit.
afairshake 8
For a five year old that's a perfectly logical question to be puzzled by. Your husband on the other hand sounds like an immature goof and a bit mean making fun of a five year old not to mention it's his own daughter. Sounds like you have two kids to raise to me.
BlackBlazeCobra 16
Cue 10 years later, and little Derp-Derp will be posting a rage comic about this, ending with "oh god why"
wironandine 8
I've just come to the conclustion that I'm a bit of a moron, so excuse me for a second while I go pop some anti-fucktard pills. Cheeerrrrrrsssssssssss.
kittybaby01 10
He's the Derp it's "Herp Derp".
dog1999 2
I would prefer they popped out potty trained
zombiekitten87 12
I think the fact that your 5-year-old understands that babies come from mommies, not the stork, is a credit to her intelligence. Tell your husband to stfu.
ElricMustang 23
Okay, I understand the laughter, but the "Derp-Derp" is just mean
Missusluv313 9
Awww, that is such an extremely cute question that your daughter asked. I understand why he laughed but, he's a dick for ruining it.
skyeyez9 25
A grown man ridiculing a 5yr old's innocence about a baby. Sounds like the hubby's name should be Derp Derp.